Velociraptor Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Collegeguy okay I see your point. But wouldnt you RATHER be the one to ask the woman if you know she is the one? Be honest please. Everyone has role as a man and as a woman. Not trying to be old fashion but dont you think some things dont need to change? Not only this but even other things that I have not mentioned. True but this goes both ways in that case. You're old fashioned? Are you a woman? Would you be fine with staying at home with the kids(if you get any) while the man makes all the money? Would you be fine with doing most of the cooking? And all that stuff? You can't claim to be old fashioned and then go out and have a succesful career and earn more than you husband and put the kids in daycare and order take-out food everyday and do none of the traditional house chores...
iris219 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Hey 9Lives, Men are also taking their wives' last names. I hope you didn't fall out of your chair or anything!
Author 9Lives Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 It would depend for me. I would ask her, but not make a grand gesture, just ask over a simple dinner at my or her place. If she decides to ask then she can go ahead, I just prefer its private and not public. I don't even know who the woman I'm going to marry is, if I even get married. Right now I'm not even sure I want to get married considering how I keep getting screwed with women. Well yeah....it dont have to be a big charade party. It is between you and her. It is just something so magical about the man asking the woman to be his wife. Its a beautiful thing when the man is ready.
Author 9Lives Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 Hey 9Lives, Men are also taking their wives' last names. I hope you didn't fall out of your chair or anything! Iris, I am ....I am falling out! This is a mess!
collegeguy_24 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Hey 9Lives, Men are also taking their wives' last names. I hope you didn't fall out of your chair or anything! That is something that should not be done, period! My ex, when she talked of marriage with me, said she would be willing to take my name, but she would keep hers to so it would just be a long name. A man should never take a womans name, period.
Author 9Lives Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 True but this goes both ways in that case. You're old fashioned? Are you a woman? Would you be fine with staying at home with the kids(if you get any) while the man makes all the money? Would you be fine with doing most of the cooking? And all that stuff? You can't claim to be old fashioned and then go out and have a succesful career and earn more than you husband and put the kids in daycare and order take-out food everyday and do none of the traditional house chores... I am a woman. I was married for 10 years. I was good with my husband taking care of the family while I took care of the us and the kids. I didnt get to stay in that role for long cause we needed more money to make it. I know that alot of things have changed. I guess this is one of them too. I guess.
Author 9Lives Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 That is something that should not be done, period! My ex, when she talked of marriage with me, said she would be willing to take my name, but she would keep hers to so it would just be a long name. A man should never take a womans name, period. OMG, you know you just opened another can of worms. According to the people on here...taking a womans name is cool too. what a mess! We mind as well grow a ......
Author 9Lives Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 I’m not sure why you care what happens in the relationships of others. Women have been “proposing” to men for a very long time, just not in the way you think. Women often demand that their boyfriend’s propose, pick out their own ring (very common nowadays), and know exactly when it’s going to happen. Instead of the charade, I guess they’re being more straightforward now. Iris, that is different. You know what I mean.
zengirl Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Personally, I think proposals in general are silly. One person planning and scheming and buying a ring behind the other person's back? Doesn't sound like a partnership to me. I've told all of my serious BFs that I don't want it. I want to be married, but I want to make it a choice we make together, rather than one that's plotted behind my back, organized, arranged, and sprung on me. (I also hate diamonds. So I'm just weird.) But I just think the whole thing is a weird tradition.
Stung Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Okay, so what is so awful about a man taking a woman's name, that is in principal different from a woman taking a man's name? And for those who are opposed to men taking their wives' names, are you also opposed to the couple choosing to hyphenate? Or to the wife keeping her own name, and each having a different name? To stay relevant to the original topic, I personally would have felt uncomfortable proposing, because I might have always had a little nagging feeling of insecurity as to whether he would have ever wanted to marry of his own volition. But for many other couples, I think it's the right thing to do, depending on their individual partnership dynamics. I have a couple of friends who proposed to their husbands, and they seem perfectly happily married.
threebyfate Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Men and women should do what feels natural for them. If a dominant woman is with a submissive man, I can see her running the show which includes proposing.
Stung Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Personally, I think proposals in general are silly. One person planning and scheming and buying a ring behind the other person's back? Doesn't sound like a partnership to me. I've told all of my serious BFs that I don't want it. I want to be married, but I want to make it a choice we make together, rather than one that's plotted behind my back, organized, arranged, and sprung on me. (I also hate diamonds. So I'm just weird.) But I just think the whole thing is a weird tradition. I agree that it's often a bad idea for the guy to buy the ring by himself in advance of his proposal. I'm really glad my husband didn't do that, I have highly individualized taste in jewelry and I also hate diamonds.
anne1707 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Men and women should do what feels natural for them. If a dominant woman is with a submissive man, I can see her running the show which includes proposing. No. Not proposing, disappearing. They would not stick around long enough for that - you know you wouldn't, I know I wouldn't Whereas if the the balance of power is mixed with each being dominant/submissive at times, then why the h*ll not should a woman propose.
zengirl Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I agree that it's often a bad idea for the guy to buy the ring by himself in advance of his proposal. I'm really glad my husband didn't do that, I have highly individualized taste in jewelry and I also hate diamonds. It's not just about the jewelry for me. I also hate surprise parties. Any elaborate plan behind my back (not like "I'm planning a surprise trip" and not telling me all the details, but giving me enough to pack and feel a part of it --- that kind of thing I like and is fine by me and even romantic) feels a bit like a betrayal to me, or at the very least makes me feel left out. I like to feel I'm a part of thing. If a guy spent months thinking about whether or not to propose, saving up money, buying a ring, planning the right time and place, and then did it, I'd feel like it was a lot orchestrated behind my back is all. I'm not saying it IS a betrayal for someone to propose, obviously. Only if they do it to ME, as I don't like that sort of thing and make it very clear I want completely open communication and no secrets. Planning a proposal takes secrets. Even happy secrets are unacceptable to me.
Stung Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 It's not just about the jewelry for me. I also hate surprise parties. Any elaborate plan behind my back (not like "I'm planning a surprise trip" and not telling me all the details, but giving me enough to pack and feel a part of it --- that kind of thing I like and is fine by me and even romantic) feels a bit like a betrayal to me, or at the very least makes me feel left out. I like to feel I'm a part of thing. If a guy spent months thinking about whether or not to propose, saving up money, buying a ring, planning the right time and place, and then did it, I'd feel like it was a lot orchestrated behind my back is all. I'm not saying it IS a betrayal for someone to propose, obviously. Only if they do it to ME, as I don't like that sort of thing and make it very clear I want completely open communication and no secrets. Planning a proposal takes secrets. Even happy secrets are unacceptable to me. I can see where you're coming from...but yes, you are a little bit of a weirdo . Then again, I kind of wished my proposal was a little bit more of a surprise, although I myself am terrible at keeping secrets and planning surprises.
Irishlove Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I proposed to my husband. I bought silver and gold bands (generic) so we could buy the nicer ones later. I went to the nicest resturant in town and had them put the rings in the safe earlier in the day. After a nice dinner we were buy the piano in candle light and desert came and cheesecake, strawberries and whipped cream and brought our rings. I held his hand and asked him "will you marry me?" and he said stood up and hugged me and said "omg of course I'll marry you" and he proceeded to tell everybody we were getting married. It was very nice and elegant. There was no need for it to be done any other way. I had already had our son.
alphamale Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Im just gonna come straight out and tell you...I think it is RIDICULOUS!!!! Women want to be men and men want to be women these days. I cant do it. there are still many traditional people in the older generation. the younger crowd? well they've lost their minds
Author 9Lives Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 there are still many traditional people in the older generation. the younger crowd? well they've lost their minds ALPHA-MAN!!!! I knew you wasnt going for this mess! lol I personally love a man being a man and I love being a woman and giving the man a womanly experience. All my treasures as a woman captivating him with the femininity of my soft tender touches and beauty within. He will only feel stronger ...more manly. YES! Im not going to cheap myself out of that experience and him either but acting like a man when as a woman, I bring so much to the table a man enjoys.
alphamale Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I personally love a man being a man and I love being a woman and giving the man a womanly experience. you're my kind of woman
musemaj11 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 So now women are getting an education. REALLY? Oh wait ,,, Proposing for marriage is not about gender. Its about who has the most money. Men were the ones who proposed because they were the ones with the homes and jobs. They were the ones in the position to 'invite' women into their lives. Nevertheless, wise men shouldnt marry anyway. A man who marries is a foolish man.
Author 9Lives Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 So now women are getting an education. REALLY? Oh wait ,,, Proposing for marriage is not about gender. Its about who has the most money. Men were the ones who proposed because they were the ones with the homes and jobs. They were the ones in the position to 'invite' women into their lives. Nevertheless, wise men shouldnt marry anyway. A man who marries is a foolish man. why do you say that?
Woggle Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 If a woman wants to propose why not? My wife proposed to me and we are going strong and I am damn sure not some submissive weak man. What is it with some women wanting to go back to the 1950s these days?
Author 9Lives Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 If a woman wants to propose why not? My wife proposed to me and we are going strong and I am damn sure not some submissive weak man. What is it with some women wanting to go back to the 1950s these days? Why didnt you propose to her? Im very curious. Please be very honest.
Woggle Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Why didnt you propose to her? Im very curious. Please be very honest. I swore off marriage after my first divorce and during our engagement I went back and forth on if I really wanted to do it again. I told her I had no plans on getting married again but she proposed anyway and I am glad she did. The fact that she actually got me to walk down the aisle says a lot about what a quality woman she is.
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