GreenVista Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Ok. Great relationship, left me for new guy (GIGS). Pretty sure he painted me black in his mind (or at least made me out to be boring as we were going out less for a bit as it was freezing winter when we split - I'm going out now heaps now obv). I've been doing everything by the book. Met up maybe 4 or 5 times, each being fun and interesting (boat trips, beach walks, bars..). Trying all the techniques I've heard about (e.g. subtle body contact etc). After each time he would text me saying thanks and stay chatty. Just seemed like really good friends. He is still in honeymoon with new guy. Anyway.. after several months of this I couldn't hold it in any longer and told him how I felt (started from him talking about a rumour I was sleeping around that he had heard, but told him I haven't done anything with anyone because I still care/love him etc). Thought I would just regret it forever if I didn't. He said he didn't leave me for somebody else, he just felt differently. (You might say I'm in denial, but he only changed just after meeting new guy.. I think he believes that to make it easier for him). He also said he is going out more and stuff now, and I just said he could have actually told me what he needed from the relationship at the time (he said to that that he was 'never very vocal' and that wasn't the reason). I just said how great we were and then he said I was the nicest and kindest person he has ever met, and he always wants me in his life, then he had to go. (Just to clarify, we went out LOADS then he moved in with me and it waned a bit it just wasn't that nice to go out... only for a month or so). After all this I panicked thinking that I've blown it and made it too awkward for the future, so sent him a casual text the next day. He replied so I feel back at square one like nothing happened. I want him back. Did this do me any favours at all? What is left for me to do? Stay Mr exciting and go on these 'friend dates' in the hope one day he will break up with new guy and realise what he missed? Did my convo plant any seeds for him to think about? We never argued, were seemed so good together and I'm sure it was just GIGS as I was his first proper LTR. NC is not going to work - he is totally dismissive of even long friends that don't make the effort to keep in touch with him. Thanks
PelicanPete Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I think even though he doesn't keep contact with people you should go NC. If he really treasures you and wants you in his life he will make an effort to keep in touch with you. I know you are probably a bit scared to do that but it will be the real test if you have any chance of getting back together. He's in the honeymoon stage right now with the new guy, it's way too hard to try to get him to come back to a long term relationship while hes in the honeymoon stage. If you go on the friend dates you're basically going to get friend zoned, and once your there its very hard to get out. So my advice just start NC, and start evaluating what exactly makes you want him back. You need some time away from him to really get him to realize what he's missing, and how great you are without him. Like I said before, if he really treasures his relationship with you he will make an effort to keep you in his life regardless. You can do it
xpaperxcutx Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Trying to win back an ex usually backfires because it's easy to detect the desperation of someone who tries too hard. I'm sorry your ex had GIGS, but you're certainly not doing yourself any favours by constantly being in his line of sight. You're coming across too eager and as much as I'm sure he loves the attention you're giving him, you're doing yourself a disservice by latching onto someone who lost his feelings for you. Go NC and then TRY to actually live your life without him for once. Obviously, you're going to have to suffer a bit of ex-bf withdrawal before you can actually decide to contemplate a new love prospect, but do try. You need to be happy ( without him) and it usually has to begin by letting the past go. I'm a big believer in revenge being that one lives better than their exes because let's face it, they'll always regret what they give up.
Author GreenVista Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Thanks for the replies. I know the suggestion is for nc, but I want to see if I could get things on a better end - I don't want the last time he saw me to be 'the heavy awkward convo'. Just asked him out for a drink as I have a few days off and he is home alone for 4 days but he said 'I dont know if im honest would have to let you know' so I dunno if I'm now too awkward to see. I dunno if its better or worse that its him that doesn't want to meet up. In one sense it's like I've tried everything, and he will know in his mind he is the one not wanting to see me, it wouldn't be that I was ignoring him or something. I dunno how that plays out longer term though. Any thoughts? Thanks
Recommended Posts