Yrevocsid Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I have been married for over 4 years but recently, the last three months or so, things with my husband have been drastically different. He's been so distant and we're not spending time together anymore. He hasn't been coming home right after work and if he does call to check in, it's been hours after I'd reached the point of wondering where he was. We used to spend time together on the weekends and in the past three months, he's been gone doing his own thing and doesn't come home until 10 or 11 at night. He says he's hanging out with his friends or working. The friend that he's hanging out with though is a known cheater and my husband used to tell me about how he'd cover for his friend when he cheated on his wife. We haven't been spending any time together. He used to try to initiate sex almost every night and now, MAYBE 2 times a week. The worst part though is that he's been getting late night phone calls that he takes out of the room, he's password protected his phone and the computer and a few times, I've rolled over in the middle of the night and I see him scramble to hide the light from his phone. I haven't wanted to ask him about it because I feel like he'll cover his tracks even more and I guess I kind of want him to slip up so I'll have an answer either way. The only thing I did confront him on was a phone call that he took late night. First he said that he didn't get a call and that he didn't know what I was talking about and then he said maybe he did get a call but it wasn't a woman. I never said it was a woman. I just asked him what it was all about since it was so late. Unfortunately, I am thinking the worst and even if there is an explanation for all of his behavior, it can't be good that we've let our marriage go like this for three months. I haven't confronted him yet because I don't want to accuse but I have no proof. What do I do? Do you think he's cheating? Thanks for any advice or comments. This is tough to say the least.
drifter777 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I have been married for over 4 years but recently, the last three months or so, things with my husband have been drastically different. He's been so distant and we're not spending time together anymore. He hasn't been coming home right after work and if he does call to check in, it's been hours after I'd reached the point of wondering where he was. We used to spend time together on the weekends and in the past three months, he's been gone doing his own thing and doesn't come home until 10 or 11 at night. He says he's hanging out with his friends or working. The friend that he's hanging out with though is a known cheater and my husband used to tell me about how he'd cover for his friend when he cheated on his wife. We haven't been spending any time together. He used to try to initiate sex almost every night and now, MAYBE 2 times a week. The worst part though is that he's been getting late night phone calls that he takes out of the room, he's password protected his phone and the computer and a few times, I've rolled over in the middle of the night and I see him scramble to hide the light from his phone. I haven't wanted to ask him about it because I feel like he'll cover his tracks even more and I guess I kind of want him to slip up so I'll have an answer either way. The only thing I did confront him on was a phone call that he took late night. First he said that he didn't get a call and that he didn't know what I was talking about and then he said maybe he did get a call but it wasn't a woman. I never said it was a woman. I just asked him what it was all about since it was so late. Unfortunately, I am thinking the worst and even if there is an explanation for all of his behavior, it can't be good that we've let our marriage go like this for three months. I haven't confronted him yet because I don't want to accuse but I have no proof. What do I do? Do you think he's cheating? Thanks for any advice or comments. This is tough to say the least. I think you already know that he is cheating and I'm not sure if you are waiting for rock-solid evidence or are afraid to expose it and have to deal with it. You are already suffering emotionally and if you don't confront him and make some decisions regarding how to proceed with your marriage you are just dragging out the inevitable. If all you say here is true then simply tell him you know he is carrying on with someone and demand that he come clean. If he won't then move him to the couch and talk to a lawyer about beginning separation/divorce proceedings. This puts you in a position of power instead of being a victim because you are doing something to save your marriage and restore your mental health. You will probably find out that he is carrying on an affair, and then you have to decide if you want to invest the time, energy and tears it takes to try to repair your marriage. Obviously, he has to want this as well and must be willing to do whatever necessary to make that happen. It's a very long, tough road and there's no guarantee your marriage will survive. You should do some research on your own and see a counselor as soon as possible as you need help from someone with experience. The people on this forum will offer you lots of advice but remember that your situation is unique and not all of this advice will fit you and your marriage. Bottom line here is that you must confront him because the behavior you describe is that of a cheater. I wish you strength...
Lucky_One Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Certainly sounds like cheating behavior. Make definite plans for the two of you for the weekend, like with his sister or something. Or invite yourself along to whatever it is that he is doing with his buddies. His reaction should be telling....
DNU1 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Certainly sounds like cheating behavior. Make definite plans for the two of you for the weekend, like with his sister or something. Or invite yourself along to whatever it is that he is doing with his buddies. His reaction should be telling.... Snoop him. Search this site for methods and ways to snoop him. Yep, take it from someone who's eX cheated with four other men (that I know of). Snoop, snoop, snoop!
Baroness67 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I have to add the same opinion. He's acting like someone who's either cheating physically or who is having an EA with someone he's working with, etc. At the very most benign, and that's taking it broadly, he's out with his buddy who also cheats and they are covering for each other for something or other. But, late night phone calls outside of the bedroom? That's not good, unless he's a doctor on call (and mine usually is, talk about the ultimate cover. No humor here). The only thing that sounds good to me is the "3 months" -- that says there is something to work with and it might not have gone too far. I would do some snooping, myself.
tomcatf14g Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 im going thru something similar. my wife was acting the exact same way and after she got caught by my brother i was able to get her to come clean. unfortnatley for me my wife has no will or want to save the marriage even though i do. i feel for ur situation and i know what u are feeling. it sounds to me like he is cheating. or atleast close to it. u need to confront him and get him to come clean or else he will just keep doing it.
misternoname Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Red flags everywhere! Same behavior from my ex wife. I did some snooping (computer is your free detective) and found out my concerns were valid. I'm afraid there really is no other logical explantion for his actions. Sorry...best of luck.
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