I'm all over the place

[gatecrasher7]

Basically me and my ex where madly in love she was my first love, together just over 3 years and engaged for just over a year of that. About 3 months ago she broke up with me because we where having a rough few months I was going through some bad times and she was busy with Uni work trying to kick start her new career as a nurse so we split up on really good terms.

 

I can honestly say that for 3 weeks I didn't eat, sleep anything it was horrible and the worst pain but then going into the 4th week I started to feel okay about things, moved out my flat we had together and moved into my mates house with 3 other lads since then it's been amazing and I haven't looked back, going out all time having a laugh with my mates it's been really good for me and to this day I am still loving it but 2 days ago she started messaging me again and it sounds like shes upset because she feels she made a mistake breaking it off now I'm so confused I feel I can't explain how i'm feeling, I love her and always will, I care so much for her and it would break my heart to know she was hurt or someone upset her but I just feel I don't want to go back to her, I no if she came to my door crying I'd find it so hard to not want her again but I don't think I want it anymore I tried texting her saying she can do better and move on etc because I felt really bad that she was upset and down I just generally don't like to see a girl upset. I don't really know what to do would love to be friends again because we where really good freinds also and shes a great girl amazing person but I just don;t want to get back into anything again now im just so confused about it all. She has also agreed being friends is good and she wants to move on but says the nights are hard etc, is it just woman take longer to get over something or does she want me back im confused.

 

And to top if off I don't no if i'd like to give it another go or not arrrr

Edited April 19, 2011 by gatecrasher7

[noleaf]

hi gatecrasher

 

it sounds like your ex has actually been pretty honest with you. I suspect that she's feeling pretty confused about you and her. She has admitted that being friends is good and she wants to move on - but it sounds that at times she is missing what you and her had.

 

I dont know her individual situation, but you have mentioned that you've moved in with some guys and your really enjoying your new found single status. this is great and i'm really happy for you. However, maybe she isn't enjoying her new single status as much. If she isn't getting as much support or enjoying life as much now - its more likely that she will have more time and opportunity to miss you. Hence probably why she has been in conact.

 

Maybe you should be straight with her - and ask her what her intentions are with contacting you? If she says she is having second thoughts and wants you back, then you have a decision to make. But at least you will know whether it is something you have to think about. You could be worrying for nothing...?

 

x x x

 

p.s - in my experience, sometimes when you split with someone, the hardest part is a couple of months after the split, when the problems that caused the split have faded and the good memories are the things you remember. With me anyway, this is when i really start to miss my ex!!!

[MissBennett]

okay you absolutely must must MUST be honest with her. no ifs, buts or maybes.

and yes - lying by omission still counts as lying.

 

take it from someone who was also in a longterm relationship and was screwed around by her ex simply because he didnt know what he wanted.

it would've hurt a lot less if he'd been more upfront with me about it. trust me on this. I wouldve really appreciated it if he had've been strong enough to just let me hurt for the short term to avoid muddying the waters for so long.

 

I know you have a bond with her and you still obviously care about her but one thing that is absolutely imperative for you to know is that you cannot 'be there for her' right now. She needs to lean on the support of others through this time.

 

you seem pretty set that this is what you want. after such a long term, heavilly committed relationship, you guys need time out.

at the moment you are happy with your decision to let her go and move on. unless you are aboslutely positively 100% sure that you want her back in your life in that capacity again, do the girl a favour and keep boundaries firm and intentions crystal clear.

 

coming from the other side, I got dragged through the mincer. and I dont think I can say my ex was fully aware of what he was doing, but that doesnt make it hurt any less.

 

caring about someone is being strong enough to do the right thing by them. you're seem like a pretty good-hearted person. know that she will thank you for your honesty and integrity in the long-run

[hunk]

Ah gate, you have reached that point of enlightenment. There's no looking back. Enjoy your life, look back on her fondly and remember the good times. Treat her how you would like to be treated, and gracefully move on. The world is your oyster more than ever.