P&R Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I mentioned in one of my threads that I wam everyones 'emotional punchingbag'. Everyone comes and vents to me, and this is something I hear about a lot. Two specific cases come to mind, in this case the unrequited love has lasted YEARS, AND YEARS! The first one met a guy 4 years ago, and she's liked him ever since. They have become best friends and she is tormented by her feelings. She cries herself to bed every night, and she has endured painful feelings for 4 years hoping that they would get together. The second person actually dated the guy for 3 years. The guy was talking marriage, kids, and everything. They were getting approaching marriage territory. She goes off to college in New York, while he stayed and went to school at a local college. Suddenly the guy changes into a completely different person and cheats on her with a friend. He then becomes a raging sex addict, alcoholic, and a player. The girl wasn't able to move on, and has never had a boyfriend since. To make things worse he strings her along by calling her frequently, and making it seem like he still has feelings. She even flys over to the westcoast to see him. This has been going on for 4 years..... also. What makes subject themselves to this kind of punishment? Is it really love if it is so onesided? These two stories bother really bother me... Why can't they move on?
windows Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Only someone who has been there and done that can understand. That sort of unrequitedness is absolutely enrapturing. It can break you and completely transform your character. The object of affection eventually becomes tied into the emotional identity of the 'lover'. The first step to letting go is to tell yourself the hard truth. No, Disney didn't always get it right. Your love won't work out - no, there's nothing to even begin with to consider if it can work out. If you have felt this one-sided love, you can see how hard it is to let go.
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Letting go just really really really hurts. That person becomes everything you ever want. You feel that you can change them, that if only they loved you all would be right in the world. That somehow it would work out. Do you have any mutual girl friends who could talk to them about this? They sound like they need help.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I was in unrequited love with my married boss for 4 years. He was everything to me. I didn't date during that time because I was loyal to the mirage of my "relationship" with him. We were never involved. I knew he was strongly physically attracted to me but wasn't prepared to risk things for me. He used to be my professor and my thesis advisor before becoming my boss. My attraction to him was stronger than anything I have ever felt. Last year though, I woke up and smelled the coffee. I started dating again and moved on. Nowdays, we barely talk - he is still my boss though. The "unspoken thing" that we had or my own illusion of the "unspoken thing" is over.
Author P&R Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 Letting go just really really really hurts. That person becomes everything you ever want. You feel that you can change them, that if only they loved you all would be right in the world. That somehow it would work out. Do you have any mutual girl friends who could talk to them about this? They sound like they need help. My girlfriend is friends with them both.
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