kthnunez Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 well me and my gf we together for about 4 years spoke marriage and such..well long story short we went through a rough breakup...which was four months ago.all ive been doing these past four months is try and get her attention and notice me...all i been doing is trying to get her back in all the wrong ways..all this while she is going through that break up face and talking to numerous men and seeming like she likes it.well four months into this break up im going to give NC a try but im affraid that i may have pushed her too far and it wont...is it to late for me?
TaraMaiden Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 If you think you're doing it to get her back - forget it. NC isn't designed to get the other person back. It never was, and never will. NC is designed to help you move on, start life again, and shut the book on the previous relationship. NC is for you, not for her. It sounds as if she will be relieved. It's never too late for NC. Providing your motive is right. Read the Caliguy No Contact guide in my signature. Man up and get going.
Author kthnunez Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 well in that case then how do i get her back? i was under the impression that NC would make her miss me....she knows with me always being around and stuff that she has me alrdy, but with know contact she will have to think about me herslef....and then making myself not readily available to her she will want me no?
Fufu Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 (edited) You have to cast away the hopes that you want to be with her again. Because these hopes can only hinder you from moving on. No body will know for sure if she will come back to you. You have to look at the reality, she chose to leave. And I believe you had done more than enough to try convincing her to return, however she still choose not to, you don't have to force yourself anymore. Remember, she is she. You are you. It's time to focus on yourself. A long term and serious relationship takes 2 WILLING people to work out. Why NC is essential because it helps you to heal your emotional wounds and realize even without your ex in your life, you still can live happily and independently. If she never comes back, you are still happy with your life. This is NC to me. I posted this below a few times over here when people ask what's NC all about. NC is mainly and solely for yourself, for yourself to move on from the past broken and failed relationship and discover what you can do for yourself without your ex being in your life anymore. That little hope that he/she will come back for you will only hinder your healing process. This may sound cruel and mean to some of you but it is the fact if you do want to start moving forward and be happy again. If your ex bf/gf is truly in love with you and realize they made the BIGGEST mistake, let him/her be the one to initiate the SINCERE contact and action to get you back. By then, you would have already moved on and will be able to think logically if he/she is worth to be with again, whether this once broken relationship is worth to relive again. Whether, this very person is serious in working things out with you and be truly committed to you and not dropping you off again. Most of the cases we see over in this sub-forum are usually breadcrumbs (of course I do believe there are exes that come back sincerely and real for their exes), the reasons why Dumpees pick on breadcrumbs so easily because generally they are still having romantic feelings for their exes and still most likely questioning themselves why their exes chose to leave them and blaming themselves over what caused the years of relationship to end. Dumpers made their own choice to leave the Dumpees. In each and every relationship, no one is always right, and no one is always at fault. We learned from our mistakes and be a better person. However, if one of a individual in a relationship refuses to work things out with his/her partner, no matter how compatible the couple is, the couple will face issue of sustaining the relationship. At this moment, the couple had different thoughts and ideals in the relationship. The Dumper wants out of the relationship and the Dumpee still sees hope in the relationship. If Dumpers makes the first contact with the Dumpee, do not over analyze the intention from the Dumper because it can mean so many reasons: - It could mean the Dumper misses spending time with Dumpee, just spending time but nothing about getting back with the Dumpee. - It could mean the Dumper just wants to come back to be Dumpee's friend and nothing more. - It could also mean the Dumper just wants to come back to treat the Dumpee as a fall back plan or the most cruel one to come back for Dumpee for lust. Any Dumpees who haven't move on may fall into any of the above traps if they are not careful, that's why we always hear about cases people breaking NC because their exes contact them once or twice or thrice and they start to think that their exes are coming back for them for real. Remember, when they dropped you the break up bomb, they left you there, they left you crying alone, they left you questioning them, they left you feeling dejected, they left you blaming yourselves. They left you not willing to work any problems out with you and ultimately you felt the blow that you cause the relationship to end (which in fact it is never 1 person's fault for a relationship to come to an end.) If they just come back like this, do think properly if they are really serious coming back for you or not. Because, if the Dumper is not being serious, the Dumpee will end up being hurt again. NC is never about a game and a tool to use to get your exes back. NC is for yourself to discover what you missed out in life when you were with your ex, NC is for yourself to discover what you can do so much in your life, NC is for yourself to realize what and who you've been neglecting when you are with your ex. NC is about getting your life back again and be even happier without your ex in your life. NC could be a stranger and seems scary to all the Dumpees from the beginning, however when time sets in, NC will be your best friend and the support you will get to regain yourself back will come from NC itself. My all-time favorite quote, "You want to be actively chosen, and not settled for." What I learned for myself from this whole ordeal is that one's true happiness cannot be relied and depended on another person. Edited April 19, 2011 by Fufu
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