shocked_confused Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Hey everyone, My ex broke up with me 5 months ago because of what I believe to be GIGS. He moved somewhere new then broke up with me to experience life and meet new people (24 years old at the time, now 25). We were together 5.5 years. We had been NC since almost day one of the breakup and I had blocked him from facebook. Anyway my grandfather passed away 2 days ago sadly, and the news got to him through my cousin's facebook page. When he found out this evening, he called. We talked for about 20 minutes or so. He said his condolences to me and talked about it for a bit, then he asked how I've been. Of course I told him how well I was doing with a recent promotion at work and a couple of exciting trips coming up with friends. I asked him how he was and he said everything is "good and great". Work is really, really great, his apartment is great, and he`s lost weight and getting into shape. I casually asked him if he had a girlfriend (lol), and he said he doesn`t and is just hanging out, but that he was meeting ``A LOT`` of people. I told him I thought it was great and hid the fact that it bothered me a tinge. He made a comment about me blocking him from facebook and I told him that I needed to do it because I did not want to know what he was up to, or see pictures of anything I wouldn`t like. He said ``I guess I understand``. At the end of our convo he said that it was so good talking to me and he doesn`t want to be strangers anymore. I told him we`ll see. Anyway, what do you guys think of this? I don`t believe he wants to reconcile, but do you think he was genuinely concerned about me or was he just trying to see if I was over him? Why call after sooo long... Sorry but this conversation rattled me a bit, I didn`t expect to hear from him so I want to know what you all think.
Author shocked_confused Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 anybody? I see readers but no posters!
Fufu Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 No body knows for sure what he's thinking and feeling. Maintain your NC and don't over think. (because I sense that you still have romantic feelings for him.)
smudge21 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Without knowing the reasons for the breakup, I would say he's simply being polite (yes it's a shock that dumpers can still be nice occasionally). Unless he starts showing more interest I wouldn't think much into it. Besides, he dumped you so whatever the reasons you should be trying to move on. If you do still want this person back in your life, then as the dumper, it's up to them to make all the effort. They have to prove themselves worthing of your attention. Stay positive and concentrate on yourself, not what he may or may not be thinking (you'll only drive yourself crazy doing that).
Renard99 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I think he's just genuinely concerned for you, but, as you say doesn't want reconciliation. I think it does show that your initial 'diagnosis' of GIGS is correct. My ex left me after 7 and a half years because of what I think is GIGS and she brought out the line "I love you, but not in love with you" and that she wants to remain friends. This 'love you like a friend' thing is a typical sign of GIGS and I think your ex is showing the same signs. I think it's up to you how you deal with it. I, like you, have gone NC despite her wanting to remain friends, and, at 3 months since the break up I really couldn't face her for a friendly conversation. I still get a knot in my stomach when I pass her on the street, let alone have a full blown conversation. I think if you can handle the potential for more friendship, I'd just let that one conversation slide for now. If not I suggest maybe getting a message to him to say that, whilst nice, the conversation has shaken you up and you'd be grateful if there weren't anymore until you've healed some more.
Author shocked_confused Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 Thanks Fufu and smudge, Yeaaa, part of me still has romantic feelings for him even after 5 months NC. I'm doing all the right things for myself, but for some reason I can't shake him off completely. When he called, it caught me off guard and kind of threw me off the road to indifference! Anyhow, I don't think I'm ready to communicate with him on a regular basis, so I suppose i should go back to my NC world.
Author shocked_confused Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 I think he's just genuinely concerned for you, but, as you say doesn't want reconciliation. I think it does show that your initial 'diagnosis' of GIGS is correct. My ex left me after 7 and a half years because of what I think is GIGS and she brought out the line "I love you, but not in love with you" and that she wants to remain friends. This 'love you like a friend' thing is a typical sign of GIGS and I think your ex is showing the same signs. I think it's up to you how you deal with it. I, like you, have gone NC despite her wanting to remain friends, and, at 3 months since the break up I really couldn't face her for a friendly conversation. I still get a knot in my stomach when I pass her on the street, let alone have a full blown conversation. I think if you can handle the potential for more friendship, I'd just let that one conversation slide for now. If not I suggest maybe getting a message to him to say that, whilst nice, the conversation has shaken you up and you'd be grateful if there weren't anymore until you've healed some more. Thanks renard, He threw that "I love you but not in love with you" line at me as well when we broke up. He did seem concerned but I know he likes an ego boost here and there, so I wasn't sure what his motives were. It's hard even 5 months later. Sometimes i think that I'll never completely be over him until I find someone else. *sigh*
fresh8 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I'd hate to be in your shoes in that exact situation. I think it would just tear at my heart a lil too much. I guess I sort of experienced what you did just a week after my breakup when my sister left our family. My ex was there to support me as she knew everything about my family from what I told her when we were together and even a bit before we started dating. Well, what happened in my case? I still remember when she told me it was good to talk as only friends. Obviously I did not say that I wasn't happy. I was happy for her to be there for me but even more unhappy that I didn't have her in my life anymore. She tried to be there for me in the following fortnight and told me stuff like 'I will always be your friend. I will never let you be sad'. In the end it was too much for her to handle to be friends with me. She deleted me off Facebook and I'm pretty sure she got rid of everything that reminded her of me. 4 weeks on after that, we are still not talking. So I guess she sort of did what you did (i.e. blocking your ex on facebook). If you ask me, I think your ex did what my ex did - I think he obviously just wants to check up on if you're ok. And perhaps he just wants to be there for you... And yeah, I know what you mean about the not over him after 5 months. I get scared I'd be the same down the track. My ex told me she wants to be friends but I don't know if that is not gonna happen given what happened 4 weeks ago or if I should make an effort to try and reconnect down the line...
jquest1280 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 shocked_confused you might be, but you handled that call very well, in what you said, didn't say, and even what you felt internally. You were polite but not distant, friendly without being clingy. You were cool! But don't give him any further thought, don't hope for further contact, just continue to do just as you have been doing before he called. If he calls again, I'm sure you'll handle it just as ably as the first call. Who knows, maybe in a few years, when his GIGS has burnt itself out, you can reel him back in..if you still want to, that is.
Fufu Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 shocked_confused: You may not realize this but 5 months of NC is really AMAZING. You are doing well
willowthewisp Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 The ILYBNILWY speech usually indicates cheating or having someone lined up they are interested in. I've seen it over and over again on the divorce board, same script, poster then says no no not my wife, husband, finacee etc, few weeks later, I found out they were in an affair.....
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