SouthernCalif Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I have been married for close to 6 years.. and seems all we do is fight. Theres no making her happy and shes given up. I have been thinking for a while about leaving, about calling it quits, but the thoughts of our son, the house, the cars, etc have me staying. I dont know what I'd do about all of that. I know people divorce all the time, but its something I know nothing about. I dont think that MC will change anything. I met my wife when she was in her "going out " phase, and that is where I was. I wouldnt mind having a drink from time to time, getting a sitter and going out... have a good time with friends. She would think of that as a painful night. She just wants to be at home all the time, or go out with our son, never any adult time. Any thoughts?
Craig2425 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 You need mc. You don't think it will work? You don't know. You have a son right? Will you be ok not seeing him all the time? At best 50%. The house and cars can all be bought again but missing out on your kids life because you think something won't work is pretty scary. You guys need to talk.not yell but actually talk to each other and explain what you guys need. I'm sure there's stuff you're not doing she want s too. Mc. Atleast make sure you tried everything before you give up. Trust me, I made the mistake of jumping the gun and leaving because i wasnt getting my needs met instead of talking and fixing stuff. I get my daughter 50% of the time and it kills me everytime I have to take her back or everynight I don't get to kiss her and tuck her in bed. Don't let your anger get the best of you. I would also advise you to start reading up on womens needs. Hope you listen
PHX Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Don't give up man. Just don't. I am learning this lesson the hard way. You're right too many people treat marriage like a fast food drive through. Its more than that. Much more. It should be the most important part of your life outside God...if you are a believer. Either way you entered into a marriage that you were expected to lead as the man of the house (and I don't mean in a sexist kind of way ladies). I mean that it is the man's job to set the tone in the home. It's not the woman's job to make sure everyone is happy. Its the mans. Again you may not believe in this stuff but do yourself a huge favor. Go buy a movie called 'Fireproof'. Watch it by yourself first. Then ask your wife to watch it with you. THEN start to study the lessons within it and THEN ask your wife to go to MC. Don't do what I did and just quit then wake up to find that it was too late. Good luck man. God Bless.
Craig2425 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 It wont let me edit sorry. I re read your post and I was assuming. Can you please post more info to get better advise
dreamingoftigers Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Dude: why mars and venus collide by John Gray Divorce remedy by michelle weiner-davis.
Craig2425 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 If you love your wife and kid you should really try everything you can before just giving up. If nothing changes and you both really tried everything you can think abiut divorce but it's hard to it the other way around. Just saying
change Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I second the recommendation of The Divorce Remedy. That's a really great book. Also, why not try MC before throwing in the towel? If it works, great! You've saved your family and don't have to go through a divorce. If it doesn't, you're right back where you started. And you can still divorce from there. What's the harm in trying?
willowthewisp Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Any problems you do not resolve in this marriage will be carried into your next relationship. Marriage is about finding solutions to problems and compromise. There is no perfect person for you because no one is perfect, including you! Non of us are. Her not wanting to go out, it's not really a reason to break up a family is it? What happens later down the line when you are with someone else and you decisde you don't want to go out as much because you have changed? Would you think it's aceptable for your wife to leave you rather than try MC to work things out, to see if you can adapt together? After all that is what you committed yourself to when you got married. I'm not having a go at you, I just think you at least need to take a mature approach to this and try before you give up, after all it isn't just your feelings involved. Your actions affect your wife and your son and your family, your friends and so on. The ripple effect of divorce is far more reaching than you might think. Only when you have tired can you truely know you had no option but to divorce.
Author SouthernCalif Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 There obvious more to it than just that, that was just one example that came to mind. I was using it to illustrate that the person that I met, and the person I'm married to have be come to different people. It seems that the are few things that we agree on, or enjoy doing together, that dont revolve around our son. I have a friend getting married several states away and was asked to be part of the wedding since he was in ours and we are close. I was excited and told him of course we'd be there. I spoke to my wife and she got upset that not only would I commit to go without her approval, but that I'd want to go that distance to the wedding. With this example, I'm stuck in a tough spot, either have my wife upset with me, or cancel on a good friend of mine. Just seems like theres so many things that we dont agree on, and so few that we do... And the icing on the cake.. she wants to have more kids. I have told her that I want thing to be good with us before we have anymore, and thats another source for conflict.
Craig2425 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 You need mc! I'm sure this isn't all your wifes fault. Feel free to tell us the whole story
dreamingoftigers Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Dude, this sounds so fixable compared to all of the other crap we hear on here! I know that fixing a marriage can be like eating and elephant. But it can be done with glorious results: one small bite at a time.
Craig2425 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I'm telling you from someone who just up and left when our problems weren't that bad that mc and trying to fix them is a lot easier to do now then leave and realize you made a mistake. Trust me....
WorldIsYours Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I have been married for close to 6 years.. and seems all we do is fight. Theres no making her happy and shes given up. I have been thinking for a while about leaving, about calling it quits, but the thoughts of our son, the house, the cars, etc have me staying. I dont know what I'd do about all of that. I know people divorce all the time, but its something I know nothing about. I dont think that MC will change anything. I met my wife when she was in her "going out " phase, and that is where I was. I wouldnt mind having a drink from time to time, getting a sitter and going out... have a good time with friends. She would think of that as a painful night. She just wants to be at home all the time, or go out with our son, never any adult time. Any thoughts? Hey end it if you want to man. If you know in your heart you tried as much as you can and you're exhausted, then by all means end it. Being mature does not mean staying in a bad relationship where the other person is not willing to put in the effort.
willowthewisp Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 There obvious more to it than just that, that was just one example that came to mind. I was using it to illustrate that the person that I met, and the person I'm married to have be come to different people. It seems that the are few things that we agree on, or enjoy doing together, that dont revolve around our son. I have a friend getting married several states away and was asked to be part of the wedding since he was in ours and we are close. I was excited and told him of course we'd be there. I spoke to my wife and she got upset that not only would I commit to go without her approval, but that I'd want to go that distance to the wedding. With this example, I'm stuck in a tough spot, either have my wife upset with me, or cancel on a good friend of mine. Just seems like theres so many things that we dont agree on, and so few that we do... And the icing on the cake.. she wants to have more kids. I have told her that I want thing to be good with us before we have anymore, and thats another source for conflict. OK so lets say you leave and divorce. A few years down the road you meet a women, you fall in love and get married, another six years down the raod and you are right back where you started except with a different women and only seeing your child part time, plus supporting tow families financially. Why? Because everyone changes, it's life, people will grow and change, I'm sure you have to. Being compatible does not mean wanting the same things, being compatible means being able to work together to find solutions so you can both get what you want. This isn't something you are taught to do in highschool, but it is something a qualified MC can help you with, teach you techniques to overcome your differences. On a side note, I think your wife has a point about you not consulting with her over the wedding, you are a husband and a father, why did you assume that it is OK to expect your wife to stay home alone and take care of everything while you went? Also, why is she not going with you? I'm not saying it isn't acceptable to go, but I am saying that you should have discussed it with her first. You are a team, it's not just you anymore so why do you think it's Ok to make decsions independantly, when they effect all of you?
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