PHX Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I've been married for 4 years. Life has been life during that span. My wife and I have certainly had our problems, and unlike most people I am at fault for a large portion of those. I never cheated but I certainly abused her trust. She did her part as well. She is a volatile person and spent far too much time punishing me for the abuse of her trust. We had some rocky times. I simply wanted my wife and my family. I wanted us to get along. I wanted us to be good. I can honestly tell you that I tried as hard as I could to get the marriage back on track. Then I got to the point where I just got tired. I got tired of being the only one putting anything into us. So I got defensive and withdrawn. This lead to more bad times and when I didn't think it could get any worse I discovered that she had entered into an affair with one of her co-workers. I was crushed. I moved to Phoenix not knowing anyone. The only people I know are her friends/relatives. After several months of trying even harder to save the marriage I got scared of being alone here and entered into an affair of my own. She found out about this and filed for divorce. It has been very hard for me here. Facing the fact that I'm losing my wife and I will not be with my kids every day has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to face. I've been doing better and better with it, but now I am set to move into a new place this week and I find myself struggling not to break down and fall into a depression. I'm having a hard time just being in our bedroom and looking at her things let alone facing her and going through pictures and those types of things. I'm getting set to move in a couple days and I will literally be alone. I have no friends here. No relatives here. I'm struggling with all of this. I try to rationalize this by saying it is probably for the best, however the thought of losing my wife comes crashing back in when I let my guard down. How do I handle this?
imagine Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 An affair is worse than death to the betrayed spouse. Divorce before dishonour! And to me divorce is dishonour to a marriage. Right now, how can you make up: Start with Honesty. Apologize a lot. Apologies to friends, family (Check with her first). Reaffirm your marriage goals. Change to become a better husband. Establish a policy of joint agreement. Humble yourself and do not expect her to say yes, nor be without trust consequences for the next few years.
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