windows Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I'm a young guy who's just started uni this year. I met a girl and got to know her over 2 months but whenever I tried to ask her out to something (lunch or whatever), something would come up. Then I actually tried to ask her out on a clear-cut date but there was no opportunities. She picked up on the cues and promptly removed me from Skype. We haven't really spoken much since. Moral of the story - I came off too strong. I don't know how to control myself. I always ruin my chances and lose friends when I realise I like them. I end up coming off too strong and then they avoid me. I'm sick of ruining my chances like this. I've never been in a relationship before so I don't actually know first-hand how a relationship should start. Am I doing something wrong? How do I slow down without losing my chances? is there way to keep a friendship even after going for it and failing? I thought there was (I'm like this with one of my friends) but now I'm not sure.
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Without meeting you in person it's a bit difficult to see how strong you come off as. But 2 months is a fairly long time to get to know someone. If the girls were into you, there's no way you could come off too strong, unless you were just absolutely smothering haha. It seems like the girls just weren't interested. Be grateful that so far they have let you know how they feel instead of stringing you along as "just friends," cause that sucks.
Author windows Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 I may have been a bit smothering. And they probably were completely uninterested. Bad combo. I'm writing this mostly because I'm concerned about the next girl i meet. Is there any way to know if there's any mutual interest? I've had shocking bad luck at figuring or detecting any mutual interest. I'm a guy you could easily friendzone. I don't want to waste my feelings over someone who'll never care so that's why I'm in a bit of anxiety. That may be why I am a bit too forward.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I may have been a bit smothering. And they probably were completely uninterested. Bad combo. I'm writing this mostly because I'm concerned about the next girl i meet. Is there any way to know if there's any mutual interest? I've had shocking bad luck at figuring or detecting any mutual interest. I'm a guy you could easily friendzone. I don't want to waste my feelings over someone who'll never care so that's why I'm in a bit of anxiety. That may be why I am a bit too forward. If girls aren't interested, it could be an attraction factor. Do you think you're attractive? On a scale of 1-10, what number are you?
waynesworld Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Look, there's nothing wrong with seeing something you like and going for it. But, it sounds like you pestered/pressured her after she said no to your initial invitation. Not cool. You need to respect her answer and back off. If she was legitimately busy but actually interested, then you ended up shooting yourself in the foot by looking like a creep. It sounds like you realize what you did wrong though, so the next step is to learn from it and not repeat your mistake.
welikeincrowds Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I always rather err on the side of coming on too strong than coming on too weak. It's "coming on" by the way. I highly doubt you're coming off too strong, unless you roid.
Author windows Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 I honestly have no clue how attractive I am. I'm asian so I have no idea what makes an asian guy attractive. I can't appear that unlovable though. I apparently have an uncanny resemblence to my uncle and he's quite happily married. I don't like using photos of myself online but here's an artistic rendition of myself: I dunno, am I a... 6? Thanks for the advice though. yes I did indeed shoot myself in the foot. Going to have to learn to seriously refrain my eagerness next time around.
fishtaco Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 If she's not interested she's not interested. It has nothing to do with coming off too strong or not. Even if you chilled, she wouldn't suddenly magically become interested. The only way to get a woman that's not interested to be interested in you, is to play mind games. And that only works sometimes, and takes a lot of effort. Under normal conditions I would only recommend it for social experimentation reasons. You have to push the limit at least once, otherwise you'll never know where the line is. Outside of that, it's usually easier to hit on someone else. Anyway, even if you came on too strong, that's still better than too weak. So you get a nod anyway. It's a number game. Quantity is king. Keep asking women out.
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