LOST DRUMMER Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Hey guy's and girls, Is their a point were some of you realize that maybe the biggest reason we are in sooooo much pain is that we relied on our significant other for "OUR" happiness? ....and that maybe if we where genuinely happy and secure in our own skin without having to rely on any other that we would be just fine? thoughts?
countingstarsagain Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Personally, I would say absolutely! I've been ignorant and centered my life around my boyfriends and in the end, it feels like you have nothing left. From now on, I vow to keep my independence in future relationships. Is this how it feels for you too?
DollyGirl12 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I think there is alot to be said for that. I've been guilty in the past of wondering what I did wrong, what's wrong with me, and so on. I didn't do it in my last relationship, but I did still go through alot of hurt and pain. On the other hand, my very best friend of over 30 years has always been completely different. She has been in relationships where she has deeply loved, been cheated on, been taken advantage of. But the one thing she was always strong enough to do was to leave and not look back. Yes, she has felt pain, but never once have I heard her wonder if someone was going to contact her again, wondering why someone would do that to her, and all that good stuff. I remember at one point years ago when I was going through a very difficult time I asked her how she was able to handle the breakups of the past, move on, etc. She has always said that she knew exactly what she deserved, that what they did was not about her, that if they were able to do that then they were not the right one for her, and she probably was not the right one for them. She has always known exactly what her self worth was. I have always wanted to have her attitude. She has never carried hate for someone, even thought they did something to hurt her. I will tell you, she has now been married for about 14 years. She and her husband have what I would say is the absolute best relationship I have ever seen in my life. They love, care for and completely respect each other. She always says that one life time with him is not enough. That's the type of deep,strong love they have for one another. And she only reached that because she would never, ever settle and knows her complete self worth.
Author LOST DRUMMER Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 Yeah....that's how I feel...I went from living with my parents to a 13 year relationship....then a week out of that one I started an other that lasted a year and a half....witch brings me to about 3 months ago....so I'm 33 and have never been alone really...I took, and continue to take the last breakup VERY hard...I feel lost, alone, and have lost all direction....while everything else in my life is in order I don't know who I am....and its a strange feeling....I feel raw and exposed...the last relationship was very dysfunctional....I was very insecure...and hung on everything she said or did...it was filled with games....yet every time we broke up....witch was allot, I would go into panic mode, beg, cry, plead....it's like when I was left to fend for myself, I felt like I was on an out of control horse and couldn't get a firm grip on the reins...like all control and calm was somehow lost. but I think the truth is that weather she was in my life or not, I still would have to have a good connection with my "self" to make anything work and the fact of the matter is....I think it takes something very significant to happen to force a person to look inwards, and really want to have that connection with ones self...so sometimes a hard breakup or hardship can be the best thing for the most important person....."YOU"
MakingChanges Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Personally i think that is what drawls the line between people when they break up. I think they go into a mode where when that person leaves there like what is next she did or he did this and that for me and if i dont have them what will i do... I had that happen my first break up with my ex i was that way thought that way.. But we went strong for a while and we broke up now after 3 years and i know i can do everything on my own im happy doing it that way but to me like she made me happy in other ways i couldnt myself in a more spiritual and mental way. I think thats when you know you really have someone!!! Because all of us can find someone knew but i think its these things that seperate people, u shouldnt be with someone bc how happy they made you by doing thing like physical and all that but in general of your mind set and someone to keep you motivated thats what seems to count to me..
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