whitenknight Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Hi Guys, Would really appreciate your thoughts...... Lived with my girlfriend for 7 yrs, I'm 43, she is 39. In November last year after about 9 months of her becoming more focussed on work and more distant and cancelling our wedding, I finally found she had been chatting with someone from work online in the evenings. Sadly this is how we got together too so she has a track record. She left and went back to live at her mums. We had 6 counselling sessions where she tried to brush over the online stuff and instead focussed 100% on my faults. I still live in the house which she partly owns. I also have a 9yr old daughter from a previous marriage. Since she's been gone I've been in shell shock and my daughter has been left totally doubting human nature. In an attempt to protect her I've told my ex that me and the mother of my daughter dont want her to have anything to do with her. To begin with she kept trying to arrange to come to the house when she knew my daughter was there. She's now dropped that and instead has had solicitors (lawyers) letters sent to me saying I'm dragging the sale of the house etc and threatening me with legal action and accusing me of harassment, intimidation and pestering all which are things she's done and it really hurt to be accused of these lies. At the same time she has left a load of her belongings behind hanging in the wardrobes, in the drawers etc. and it has been down to me to pack them. I've arranged several times for her to have access to the house to take her stuff, but she comes for a couple of hours, does a bit and leaves. She was unfaithful to me but seems to view herself as the injured party. She seems in no hurry to take her stuff, seems reluctant to let my daughter alone and every time I communicate with her she is very angry and defensive all the time. I dont think she wants to come back as she even stated it in a couple of the letters, but equally I dont think she wants to let go. What do you think is going through her mind? It's like she hates me, but doesnt want to let go and I'm really confused. On Valentines Day she sent me a nasty text and then said happy valentines day implying she was angry cos I hadnt sent a card. I just dont get it. Tell me what you think Thanks!!
DayAfterDay Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Long story short: Some (read:most) times, women do not make any sense. They think differently then we do. But it probably makes sense to them. It's to my conclusion that men tend to make decisions based on a string of logical deductions and women tend to make decisions based on a string of emotions. This sucks for the women because they are forced to bear the burden of reconciling their emotions with the aftermath of the decision. Sorry if that doesn't answer the question, but it may give some insight just to how complex women (and some men) are. Their internal rationale is HORRIBLE and they hold conflicting views all the time about a lot of things. Sorry if any women take this the wrong way or as sexist or derogatory. What I stated are just honest observations on females, and that's not to say that men can be guilty of the same behavior either.
tiffin Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I have something similar going on. Almost a year out and there is still stuff hanging in the closet. When she comes over she leaves more than she takes. No kids, but we have a business concern so I have to see her usually once a week. I hear about all the om stuff. She is very unkind. I don't know if she is bitter or what. The only thing I can figure out and I don't know either is that we are a backup. I get the push pull if I back off. Tired of being strung along. But don't want to let go either. Wish I knew what they are thinking.
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