That_girl Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I'm at a point in my life where I am unbelievably stressed out. I have 10 days to find a new place to live and vacate my current place, I'm enormously in debt, I have just broken up with my boyfriend and I'm generally going through the worst depression of my life. I know that there are people that are dealing with far worse problems...but I just can't seem to get myself on track. I feel like I'm stuck in every aspect of my life. Of course I'm completely vulnerable at the moment, and this makes me want to turn to my most recent of 3 weeks. Some of you have read my recent threads, and I am definitely confused at this time. i don't know if he was abusive or not. He has done abusive things but he has been the only person that has been there for me throughout my most recent hardships. Even offered that I stay at his place while if I couldn't find a place by May 1st. I just don't know what to do. I'm messing up at work, I can't concentrate on anything, I just want to have him back. I did end things with him, but I'm realizing that now was probably a bad time given my circumstances. I'm just so overwhelmed by everything. My chest is in knots at most points during the day. Do I need medication for the anxiety? I don't ever want to be medicated, I always want to fix things on my own. But the more that I get bogged down with, the more I'm realizing I can't do this alone. I'm just so sad. So so sad. I don't want to feel sorry myself all the time, but I totally DO feel sorry for myself. My family is pretty dysfunctional too, except for my mom. But she is in dire straights right now too. I can't ask her help financially or otherwise, she is alone and has enough on her own plate. God this is just so hard. I'm writing this at work and I'm trying not to cry.
aypforever Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I would suggest working out your personal issues before diving back into the relationship. Figure out your life and where it's headed. Don't drag him along with you. In the long run it will only make things worse. I had to hit rock bottom to find this out. If you need help see someone. Meds are not for everyone. Sometimes just talking to someone once a week can help your sanity. That works for me.
Author That_girl Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 He has hurt me alot in the past, and I wouldn't want to drag him down with me. He clearly has his own issues. But why can't we work ourselves out together rather than apart? How does any couple work things out on their own? People get married, and have debt, and all kinds of other issues. But they work through them together. I'm just so sick of everyone telling me that I need to be on my own. I've been alone long enough:(
aypforever Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Are you in debt together? Are you both having to move? Most married couples are in debt together and would have to move together. I completely understand why you want him there. Especially if he can be there for companionship and comfort. You broke up with him? Why? What was the reasoning? If you don't know the answer to that question, it's because you don't know what is going on in your head and need to figure it out. If you do know the reason and it's because of something about yourself, then it's something you need to fix before you go back after him. If it's something he did, then it will likely not change unless you really are someone that matters deeply to him. I don't know your whole backstory, so I can't say 100% stay away or go back. All I know is how I feel and what I have to do with my own situation. I had a lot of issues before we broke up, and now those issues are going away. She wasn't there for me (as a gf) and apparently didn't want to be there to help me with what I was going through. All she wants is a friendship, which after 4 years, seems odd..
Author That_girl Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 This is my situation in a nutshell: I copied and pasted from another thread of mine. I feel like I made a mistake. I cared about him and now that I've dumped him, he will move on. I feel like everything he's done can be forgiven and that he hasn't actually abused me yet. For example: 1.) When he cheated, it was the beggining of the relationship, we barely knew each other, and he had tried a drug that made him act differently than he normally would. He doesn't do drugs regularly, or even often. And he was on vacation. Forgivable... 2.) When he criticizes me or unintentionally puts me down by saying that I should do something with myself, it's probably because he was raised in a family where the dad motivated him that way. I know that my dad did the same thing....he would criticize in attempt in motivate us. 3.) Even though he has grabbed my arms (not hard enough to leave bruises) or shook me, or punched walls/street posts/his own hands etc....... he has never actually laid a hand on me. And he swears he never would. I believe him, he's just a guy who has temper issues. My brother does too, but he has never hit a woman. Maybe my ex is the same and just takes his anger out on objects. 4.) He loves me. He is always thinking of me always, always returns calls or emails, would meet me in a second if i needed anything. He makes me laugh, he is charming, and he is intense. Also really sensitive and sweet. I love him, just the scent of him makes my knees shake and want to crumble. He says that I am always angry, and overexagerate issues. Which is true, I m always complaining. Maybe I really do complain too much. Maybe I do take things the wrong way all the time. He did everythng he could to get me into his life before. And my friends kept telling me to get out, that he was abusive and selfish. So I did. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS IS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I'VE EVER MADE???? I just want him to be there for me again. This is terrrible.....and yeah, I made an appointment with my shrink yesterday. Any other advice?
aypforever Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Alright, so to go further in this... you are justifying things he has done in the past. Have you talked to him about these things? You don't like that he grabs you or has a temper. You don't like that he was telling you to do things with your life. He wasn't communicating to you properly. I did something very early in the relationship with my ex that I still regret. We worked through that though. She was always telling me to get a job and figure out school etc... she wasn't telling me in a way that really stuck with me. She finally broke up with me because I was so miserable. I got counseling, changed majors, moved hone for a bit, started working part time and really overhauled my life. She wasn't there for any of it. In short, it was all a communication issue, because I held her higher than myself. I didn't want to hurt her, so is say things to her that I didn't really mean and it would make things worse. If you really want to get back together, start with some good conversation about what you need, what you like and what you don't like from him.
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