TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I realize suicide is never the answer, believe me I do. But I struggle with suicidal thoughts almost constantly these days. And what people don't understand is that - Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. Bullsh<it. Of course it's chosen. Every thought word and action is a choice. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. But if you believe that, then it stands to reason that the choices you make are always going to be bad ones. The despairing feelings I feel and the complete inability to see a happy future ahead of me (only complete blackness) added to my constant feelings of hopeless and worthlessness make me sometimes think the only way out is to end it all. But I struggle on, and keep reaching out for the help I need. Because my family needs me here. Jeesh!! You have to quit this negative maelstrom of depressive thinking! So much for taking a break from LS!
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I hate this I hate that I get such strong urges to kill myself, the despair is pure agony And I hate myself with a passion Why did I have to do this to myself? Why did I have to ruin a relationship with a guy I love so much? Seems I'll never be able to forgive myself Been over 5 months now and STILL no let up I just want to go to sleep and never wake up most nights I try so hard to be positive, to move on etc. but its all a lie really because I feel so empty and broken inside. My self esteem is just at rock bottom and I find it near impossible to see any hope of a having a happy future even though I know logically its possible.. My life just seems so meaningless now, my family love me so I stay for them, even though I know I'm a burden to them alive as well, but I could never hurt them like that. The pain of the despair is just so overwhelming at times. And I feel so lost in it, so alone you had a thread going, and you abandoned it. Quit threadjacking.
RuinedLife Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Bullsh<it. Of course it's chosen. Every thought word and action is a choice. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. But if you believe that, then it stands to reason that the choices you make are always going to be bad ones. Jeesh!! You have to quit this negative maelstrom of depressive thinking! So much for taking a break from LS! I tried. I just feel so alone.
RuinedLife Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 you had a thread going, and you abandoned it. Quit threadjacking. I'm sorry. You're right about me. I keep failing and upsetting everyone. I must stop. I must stop hurting others. Maybe I need to call a crisis line.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 You definitely need to do something. I PM'd you.
RuinedLife Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 (edited) I just want to apologize to everyone here for my excessive negative posting. I realize now that it has upset the positive vibe which this site tries so hard to create, and I never wanted that. So I promise I will do my very best to leave all my negative feelings at the door when I post here from now on. There is so much in life to look forward to, so much to experience, so much wonder in the universe. And I know its time to look for that, to find that sense of wonder and find the strength to carry on and never give up. To anyone else who is feeling suicidal, feels excessively negative or has urges to self harm in any way, please don't post here as this site is not designed to cope with such problems, instead please go to- The National Self Harm Network Forum And get the support you need. The people on this forum are incredibly helpful and supportive, but too much negativity ruins the atmosphere of self help and self improvement that this site tries so hard to create, and it would be a horrible shame to spoil that. I can see that now (with TaraMaiden's help) and I'm truly sorry that I have been overly negative and upset that vibe over the past few weeks. I have no excuses, I've just been in such a negative place, but inflicting that on others was never my intention. Nevertheless, I can now clearly see the harmful effects of that negativity, so I can only apologize and promise to keep my posts more positive, helpful and supportive from now on. Finally, I just wanted to thank you all so much for all the support you've given me these past few weeks again. I promise to try my very best to be adopt a much more positive supportive attitude in any future posts. Edited June 17, 2011 by RuinedLife
alextady Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 [quote. I am here to tell people, and hopefully others will agree with me, that suicide is not the answer. To help people out here, let me share a personal experience with you all. But do not kill yourself. Excellent stuff from you, man I’ve read your things before and you are just too awesome.you write a great article that inspire to us and to many.I am with you that suicide is not a answer of all this.
maniktwin Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 What a thoughtful post you have made. My husband suffers bipolar disorder. He was very despondent one day. The kitchen just ends up being my territory, so when I heard him in the drawer I use for utensils, knives, and such, red alert went on for me. I ran to the kitchen, sure enough, there he is cutting (fully intending suicide) his wrist with a butcher knife. Adrenaline took over and I wrestled the knife from him. He was severely cut, and I broke my kneecap in the process. I hate to call 911, but I did. He was hospitalized and is now okay, and enjoying life. If I am honest, I've been so sad at times that I've thought of that way out. But, tho I don't feel important, I realize my loved ones actually would be hurt. This sounds shallow, but I'd never want to cause a mess myself, and force someone else to clean it up. You are so right. Thank you. A wise young person. I would do anything for anyone, any stranger, to help them if they were feeling that way. Every single person matters.
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