Unfortunately, my turn

[sucker8710]

Not quite the first post I would hope to make on a message board, but here goes...big wall of text, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

So Ive known my ex for hm, going on 2 years now, started out as the girl who worked where I played my athletics, but we knew mutual people and she added me on the "dreaded" facebook haha.

 

Anyway, I was going through my own things, and she was currently in a war with her ex, I suppose I should of read the warnings right there, but he was a liar, and a cheater, and an emotional abuser. This all took place in about march of 2009.

 

So lets jump forward to November, her and that guy had been broken for about a month they were very off and on. Well her and I had started hanging out, and stuff and I started to feel something for her, not much but something. Well she had then went back to her ex, found out again he had cheated on her, so guess who was the unfortunate chump for the rebound at the time? Me...

 

We started dating in December and me not knowing any better thought everything was great, she never made signs to show me it was anything less, but I know now it wasn't anything like I had originally thought. She has been talking to her ex every now and then on the phone, and on Jan 1st. she broke up with me, I just let her go, and she came back 2 days later, she had admitted she thought of getting back with her ex, but when she had talked to him and how rude he was about things, she figured she made a mistake and silly me I took her back. Little did I know she'd talk to her ex throughout our relationship, and in her defense she told me that I was intended to be a rebound she didn't plan on falling in love with me. So I know she didn't get to heal from her past ex until late last year in my opinion.

 

We broke up off and on for no more than 2 days at a time, once in February, I broke up with her in April once when she said she talked to her ex(more to that story), May, June, and July were amazing. August is where the next trouble started,she had stopped saying I love you,and if she did say it, it would be completely random and out of the blue but did stay with me until September, cue the official break up.

 

Now this being a pretty serious relationship, I like many wanted to fight for the love of my life and get her back. I would try and talk to her, and constantly annoy her, and Id say things to make her feel guilty but nothing worked. So she came to one of my games against a big rival team and I got a text from her after saying can I come over?? So again, didn't read the warning and we "dated" for about 2 weeks to make sure we both wanted it again. And we did.

 

This time, we made it till the end of February, but it was the most amazing time we had ever had. She made me feel loved, would say things like, "this is it for me, because now I know what it was like to be without you." Hearing that I was ex-tactic. Normally she goes for the jerks,liars etc. But, I am the good guy. I was the only boyfriend shes had that never cheated, I surprised her with flowers and gifts etc. She made sure to point out the break up had nothing to do with me, and I was the perfect boyfriend.

 

heres what happened from, then until today. I first found out she had made out with a guy when we broke up, but I mean its not really my business to complain, she was single but I didn't know that until November. She started acting weired and we broke up right before March, to add even more stress she had two friends die, two nights later and that flat out just pushed me to the last of her priorities, which I understand and respected her wishes and left her alone.

 

I had bought her an expensive gift, a sports game, we were both to go see in March, and we did end up doing it, and we got along great, nothing was awkward, it felt great to see her and be her "friend." The next day she texted me a bunch and even called that night, she later said she started to miss me and it was good I didn't answer. So that was a tiny setback. We'd go a few days of NC then someone would say something small.

 

 

Up until 2 weeks ago, we had a phone conversation and it started out nasty, with her saying this is your closure etc. And I immediately said, I respect you, I don't need the closure, Ive let you go awhile back, it was for the best, but I won't close the book on us ever in the future because who knows where we will be? So we talked for about 2 hours or so, and it was an excellent phone call, the next night, NC. The next one she says, "where you on my fb?" I just respond no. The next night I sent her a fb friend request, and she accepted at like 5am, but deleted me right after. I didn't text her asking why, but sure enough at 1am she had been with her 2 girlfriends, and I get a text apologizing for deleting me, how shes vulnerable and weak, and how she thinks of me still a lot and it will be that way for a long time etc. She always said, if she wanted a boyfriend she'd still be with me.

 

Reading that I got my hopes up a little bit, I figured the time away had been doing good, because this girl has commitment issues, and the reason we always broke up was because she wanted to live her life before settling down, and she doesn't have a new guy, to the best of my knowledge, im close friends with her best friend. My ex was just getting her future straightened out, just signed a lease on an apartment and got accepted into a school. Her 21st b-day coming up.

 

Well, I had to give her something that Sunday, and I asked her about it, and shes like, "its just, whatever." So i let it go, back to the NC, on last Wednesday, I wrote on her friends wall, and my ex comments yelling at me and making a scene, so I text her and I'm like wtf? Just leave me alone keep all my stuff, I don't want to see you anymore.I treated you so well, yet you treat me so bad, you make me feel worthless. So I block her number, and we go NC again until yesterday when I get a Leave me alone text and how she needs her space. I was confused, because..its literally one week she wants to talk, the next she wants to be rude and angry to me.

 

I don't know what to do other than NC, because Ill be honest, I'm sure Ill see her again, she works where I go a decent amount to play hockey. And, I know her and I will talk again sometime. I just wanna know what I did to be such a bad guy, and its almost two months, cooler heads should be prevailing sometime soon. Unfortunately, I still see myself marrying this girl and her best friend has also said give her a few months to straighten out her life and she will probably come back. With it starting to get warmer out here, more and more memories are creeping into my head and its really sucking.

 

Any advice would be great, sorry the long wall of text but I figured I need to give the whole story, any other questions, just ask.

[Chi townD]

Okay Dude, this girl is so confused and doesn't know what she wants out of life. This relationship is WAY toxic and I think that you're better off being NC. Believe me. There's a girl out there for you that doesn't have HALF the drama this girl is throwing at you.

[PinkChic]

Okay Dude, this girl is so confused and doesn't know what she wants out of life. This relationship is WAY toxic and I think that you're better off being NC. Believe me. There's a girl out there for you that doesn't have HALF the drama this girl is throwing at you.

 

I could not agree more....

 

I know looking back when I was 21 how I use to act in relationships and how immature I would be with starting arguments and what not.

 

I will tell you the things you value in a relationship at 20 and 21 are far different then when your 25, 26.

 

In fact, I was engaged at 21 to a guy I was with for 5 years... it was the MOST unhealthy, toxic relationship you could ever imagine.. we were exactly like you and your ex.. constantly on again, off again... days of no contact... he was my rebound that i had "fallen in love with"... Looking back on it now (almost 5 years ago (which we have not spoken since)), I would love to see him again and apologize for all the crazy drama and meaningless arguments. However, that's part of growing up... living and learning.

 

Give her time to grow up and in the meantime, give yourself a break from the drama!

 

Good Luck

[sucker8710]

I could not agree more....

 

I know looking back when I was 21 how I use to act in relationships and how immature I would be with starting arguments and what not.

 

I will tell you the things you value in a relationship at 20 and 21 are far different then when your 25, 26.

 

In fact, I was engaged at 21 to a guy I was with for 5 years... it was the MOST unhealthy, toxic relationship you could ever imagine.. we were exactly like you and your ex.. constantly on again, off again... days of no contact... he was my rebound that i had "fallen in love with"... Looking back on it now (almost 5 years ago (which we have not spoken since)), I would love to see him again and apologize for all the crazy drama and meaningless arguments. However, that's part of growing up... living and learning.

 

Give her time to grow up and in the meantime, give yourself a break from the drama!

 

Good Luck

 

 

Both of you are right, and I definitely need some time away, it just had to happen at the worse time, going through other personal problems aswell. I just thought her and I could of been mature enough to have friendly conversations every now and then and its turned into war I guess. It is a little different for me almost being 24 and wanting to get on with the rest of my life. Part of me wonders if its not even her I miss anymore, Im just lonely.

[ganbare]

Yeah this relationship sounds really toxic. In fact any on/off again relationship is not healthy. Relationships are not hotels. You can't just check in and checkout when you want and expect things to be normal.

[sucker8710]

I agree, it really wasn't healthy, I can't say im recovered, because itll take a while, but I have had the urge to get ahold of her today yet, but thats not usually till late. She unblocked me on fb, kind of made me chuckle, because of her text yesterday.