It's over btw my high school sweetheart and I... PLEASE HELP!

April 18, 2011

This may be a long read, but I really do appreciate it if you read it through and give any input/advice you may have... I'm desperate...

She was the only woman I've ever loved and we finally went our separate ways this past Friday.. I am going through so many different emotions and contradicting thoughts right now... I don't even know if I'm even thinking logically anymore.. thats why i need to make this thread, to get some input from you all.. The anger and depression I'm feeling makes me want to just move on and never speak to her again, but then the other side of me says I should try to fight for her and win her back, but not sure if it's the best thing to do... I would love to hear from any of you that has had prior experiences with break-ups from a long term relationship or a similar experience...

I've never been in a serious relationship with anyone else before. I first asked her out 8 years ago. In the beginning, everything was perfect... until high school was over and she got a scholarship to a school in the other side of the country (I'm in Florida, she's in California).

When she left for Cali, we both decided we would wait for each other.. that we were gonna fulfill our dreams of getting married, having kids, etc.. The first 2 years of being away from each other was okay. We talked literally every night and at the end of each of our talks, she would always get off the phone in tears because she missed me so much. We would still see each other 2-3 times a year, because she would come back to Florida for vacation and I actually went to Cali a couple of times too. I never thought long-distance relationships would ever work, because generally it is "out of sight, out of mind".. I've seen so many of them fail. But after six years in (4 years together in FL, 2 years away from each other) our relationship was still going pretty strong.

But then in the sixth year, our relationship really began fading away.. She was almost done with school, but she also got a job out there and was making decent money. She already had family in Cali and she began making some good friends out there too.. She eventually told me she probably wasn't going to come back to Florida even when school was done.. I was really hurt by that, but she wanted me to move to California to live with her, but I wasn't ready to just leave behind my friends, family, job, etc.. besides, she's the one that left me to go to Cali! Why should I have to chase her around the country?! But i loved her so much, I actually considered doing it.. but i didn't have the money to just move out to California right away..

She came to Florida less frequently, I visited her in Cali less frequently.. we even went from talking everyday, to talking 3-4 times a week, then to about once or twice a week.. and our conversations became shorter, and not as warm and loving as before.. sometimes we'll even end our calls on an argument and we eventually stopped saying "I love you" to each other at the end of every call.

We still loved each other, but we finally decided since our future together was so unsure, we would have an open relationship, meaning we can both meet other people but we wouldn't try to get emotionally invested with someone else, because there's still a chance we will still be together. I even told her I would start trying to save up money to move out there to be with her (even though deep down i really didnt wanna move out there.. but I would've done it, because I loved her that much)

Well, she finally broke it to me on Friday that she's been dating another guy for 2 months now. My world came crashing down.. Even when she first left me for school 4 years ago, I didn't feel much depression, because I knew we could still be together... And even when we decided on having the open relationship (I knew it was kinda like we broke up) but I still didn't feel any depression, because i was so sure she would never fall for anyone else and that she would wait for me. I was so gullible..

When she broke the news to me on Friday, I didn't know how to react. I'm the kind of person that rarely expresses much emotion. Even though deep-down, I was broken-hearted, I responded back very nonchalantly.. And I also hate this defensive mechanism inside of me.. whenever someone says something hurtful to me, my immediate response to say something hurtful back.. so I blurted out that I never intended to move to Cali anyway and that I'm glad she found someone else becaue now we can finally break up for good so I can move on with my life. She got off the phone in tears...

I truly regret saying those things I said on Friday. She was the love of my life and I want to win her back. But then again, maybe these are just typical remorseful feelings people have during break-ups. Maybe I dont want her back? After all, she did break my heart. I've met other women but i could never get into anything serious with them, because of the feelings i still had for her. But she obviously didn't feel the same, since she met someone.. I find it extremely upsetting that it's so hard for me to love someone else, but she was so quick to find someone else to love

The last 72 hours have been among the worst of my life. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I have no energy. Everything I look at reminds me of her. I want to make myself cry, to maybe make myself feel better... but i can't even do that! I'm trying to force myself to cry and the tears won't come out. Why am I such an emotion-less robot?

It's only been 3 days, and it feels like weeks. I'm hopelessly depressed... I feel sluggish.. barely ate anything at all this weekend.. I want to call her, but then I don't. I'm trying to stay busy so I'm not sitting around the house depressed and thinking about her. But that's not working because everything reminds me of her. My friends say to find another woman and this will ease my pain. Is that good advice?

I am really thinking about calling her, if not at least text her and let her know I'm sorry for the things I said on Friday and that i didn't mean it. I kinda blame myself for her finding someone else because I pushed her away from me, because I stopped calling and stopped showing that I cared... I also want to call her and win her back, but I'm not sure that's wise. Would she even take me back? Do i really want her back after breaking my heart? But I definitely think I should call her to get some closure, for my own peace of mind and sanity.... Maybe it'll help me feel better? There's so many questions i wanna ask her, but my pride/ego and my stubbornness is kinda holding me back.. I wanna know why she didn't wait for me? How could she possibly find someone else to love when she told me she can never see herself with anyone but me? I am such a wreck right now.. no pain in my life compares to this.. even physical pain like breaking my arm didnt hurt this badly.. it is unbearable.. it feels like my heart is ripped out.. I can't even make myself eat.. the thought of food disgusts me.. I look in the mirror and i already look thinner after only 3 days.. i will do anything to feel better.. PLEASE HELP!!

Edited April 18, 2011 by Broken Dreams

April 18, 2011

To be honest with you dude. You're trying to hold on to something that just isn't there on her part and yours to some degree as well. re-read your post. Calls went from everyday to maybe twice a week, calls got shorter, stopped saying you loved each other. This relationship was dying a natural death. Now, she has someone new, can't get mad about it because YOU suggested an open relationship. Even though you said dating without an emotional attachment. A lot of girls have no idea what the hell that means. It's like putting a crackpipe in a crankheads mouth and telling them they can't light it!

You weren't there to fill the emotional and physical needs, but you gave her permission to get those needs met! and guess what? She got emotionally attached.

I know it hurts and nothing I'm saying is making it feel any better. But, I think it's time to move on. You have to go NC. It wouldn't surprise me if she tries to contact you, because she knows she went about everything the wrong way. Ignore her. It's time to start healing and moving on. Don't date anyone right now. You are in no shape to date and it wouldn't be fair to you or the person you're dating. She made her choices to stay in Cali and she made a choice with this other guy. Right or wrong, those are her choices and she will have to live with them. And by the way, delete her off your Facebook. Trust me, you don't need to see what she's doing day to day and you don't need to be seeing when she starts posting pictures of her new guy. Trust me, they're coming.

April 18, 2011

That's actually really good, logical advice, Chitown.

I wanna go full no-contact, but it's 8 years of our lives down the tube, man.. I feel like I should call her one last time for some closure? Not a good idea?

I know no-contact is probably the best way to get over her, but you don't think I should call her one last time? That's a really ****ty way to end 8 years...

April 18, 2011

I also forgot to add, we saw each other as recently as October 2010. Our relationship had already started to deteriorate, but everything felt back to normal in October when i was able to spend a week with her. 6 months later she already has a new BF.. how emotionally attached can she be to a guy she dated for 2 months? I feel like if I fight hard enough, I am almost sure I can win her back.. 8 years vs 2 months? If i cant win that battle, I guess it just wasn't meant to be? I know she still loves me..

It's my fault for pushing her away.. I told her years ago I would consider moving to Cali and still haven't... I kept her waiting and waiting.. and I became more distant too... so it kinda is my fault. I pretty much pushed her right into that other guy's arms...

April 18, 2011

Okay, this may shock you a little, but here's the rub.

It's been going on for more than 2 months.

And it's probably a little deeper than what she's told you. Cheaters will only admit to what they can get away with OR to make the pain as less as possible. I speculate it started when the phone calls got less frequent and the I love you's stopped coming your way and they went in another direction.

The good thing is, you know what you did wrong in this relationship. When you're ready, apply what you've learned into a new relationship. As far as just going straight to NC? There shouldn't be a problem there. She made a choice to have you out of her life and you're giving her EXACTLY what she wants. Don't turn into her pen-pal, which is what you will be. And I'm not kidding about the Facebook thing!

April 18, 2011

I am definitely going to go the no-contact route. I have no wishes to be her damn pen-pal. I just want to call her one last time, for my own peace of mind and sanity.. and self-esteem. I have some questions I want to ask her one last time, otherwise I feel like it may eat at me forever..

April 18, 2011

I also forgot to add, we saw each other as recently as October 2010. Our relationship had already started to deteriorate, but everything felt back to normal in October when i was able to spend a week with her. 6 months later she already has a new BF.. how emotionally attached can she be to a guy she dated for 2 months? I feel like if I fight hard enough, I am almost sure I can win her back.. 8 years vs 2 months? If i cant win that battle, I guess it just wasn't meant to be? I know she still loves me..

It's my fault for pushing her away.. I told her years ago I would consider moving to Cali and still haven't... I kept her waiting and waiting.. and I became more distant too... so it kinda is my fault. I pretty much pushed her right into that other guy's arms...

She might still love you but shes not IN LOVE with you. Thats the important part. If you keep trying to get her back you will just make yourself look more pathetic to her because she moved on months ago. Shes not thinking about you now, and she wont want to if you keep trying to rekindle what she does not.

Youre only like 25 or so, you have plenty of time to find a new love and learn from your mistakes. You dont see that now, but as long as you TRY to move on, and dont hang on to her, you will get over her and you WILL find someone better. Your tastes and standards will change, and you will wonder what you saw in her.

April 18, 2011

Thanks Eddie, appreciate the input.

April 18, 2011

Okay dude....I sense that you're a little pissed. You need to calm down. If your gonna call her, you won't get the closure you're looking for if you're hootin and hollerin. Then you're gonna feel worse.

Personally, I would just let her go. Start living your life like you said you would. Believe me, sooner or later...she's gonna contact you. She's either probably gonna text you or e-mail you. Just bid your time. and put her on the backburner. You need to start to heal.

April 18, 2011

sorry to hear that buddy:( im a girl and im exactly like you i don't show any emotion even though its killing me on the inside..because of me being so distant i too lost the love of my life..i didn't even realise the pain i caused him half the time...he was in the marines and was away alot i felt my life passing me by waiting for him not even thinking that he also found it hard being away from me..it was his job after all.. but i was always cold with him and never showed my true love...like you the relationship faded i was in contact with him less our convo's were short and it killed us both:(

well i agree with chi townD..no contact is prob best right now no break up is easy and ending it on a crap note is even harder ther's so manythings you want to say to her but your just holding back.(i know the feeling) your vunerable now and you just want the pain to go away..instead of contacting her put pen to paper...write down everything your feeling where you think it all went wrong ( i did this and it really helped) write down waht you want to say to her on the phone the questions you need to ask for your own sake but DO NOT CALL HER! your not strong enough yet and will only find yourself even more upset..in the meantime i suggest you start eating even small bits..make lots of plans with friends the more you are occupied the more your healing! i know your a lad and prob find it really hard to talk to your male friends about this but being around people really helps.

And another thing stop blaming yourself for pushing her away, nobody held a gun to her head when she was searching for a new bf that was her choice

don't torment yourself about the but's and if's! you need to let go because you wont be able to move on. (hope your ok)

April 18, 2011

Okay dude....I sense that you're a little pissed. You need to calm down. If your gonna call her, you won't get the closure you're looking for if you're hootin and hollerin. Then you're gonna feel worse.

Personally, I would just let her go. Start living your life like you said you would. Believe me, sooner or later...she's gonna contact you. She's either probably gonna text you or e-mail you. Just bid your time. and put her on the backburner. You need to start to heal.

You're right Chitown. if I call her now for some closure, I'm just gonna ask questions and get answers I don't want to hear. it will only hurt more in the long run.. thanks for the sound advice

April 18, 2011

sorry to hear that buddy:( im a girl and im exactly like you i don't show any emotion even though its killing me on the inside..because of me being so distant i too lost the love of my life..i didn't even realise the pain i caused him half the time...he was in the marines and was away alot i felt my life passing me by waiting for him not even thinking that he also found it hard being away from me..it was his job after all.. but i was always cold with him and never showed my true love...like you the relationship faded i was in contact with him less our convo's were short and it killed us both:(

well i agree with chi townD..no contact is prob best right now no break up is easy and ending it on a crap note is even harder ther's so manythings you want to say to her but your just holding back.(i know the feeling) your vunerable now and you just want the pain to go away..instead of contacting her put pen to paper...write down everything your feeling where you think it all went wrong ( i did this and it really helped) write down waht you want to say to her on the phone the questions you need to ask for your own sake but DO NOT CALL HER! your not strong enough yet and will only find yourself even more upset..in the meantime i suggest you start eating even small bits..make lots of plans with friends the more you are occupied the more your healing! i know your a lad and prob find it really hard to talk to your male friends about this but being around people really helps.

And another thing stop blaming yourself for pushing her away, nobody held a gun to her head when she was searching for a new bf that was her choice
don't torment yourself about the but's and if's! you need to let go because you wont be able to move on. (hope your ok)

You bring up some great points.. and I appreciate your sharing a similar experience with your ex. No-contact sounds like the best plan..

Your response actually made me feel a little better. Thanks a lot!

April 18, 2011

You bring up some great points.. and I appreciate your sharing a similar experience with your ex. No-contact sounds like the best plan..

Your response actually made me feel a little better. Thanks a lot!

your welcome:) take day by day..and start eating!!!

April 18, 2011

Time to get over her. Yeah, it's 8 years of your life you're not going to get back. But you gotta move on. She sounds like she genuinely cared for you, but just didn't want to wait on you anymore. You're both partially at fault here. It wasn't meant to be. Move on. And plus, you gave her permission to see other people. This was bound to happen.

I hope you now know long distance relationships never work. Both you and your ex have needs, and when you're not there to fulfill those needs, they will always find someone else! Like you said, "out of sight, out of mind" You would've saved yourself some heartache if you would've just went your separate ways when she first went to Cali

Edited April 18, 2011 by jdub27

April 19, 2011

I can't believe it! All this time I wanted so badly to call her for some closure, and she just called me after NC for 3 days...

We talked for about an hour. She apologized for hurting me, but we both mutually agreed that we had grown apart since she moved to Cali and that we were both at fault at certain times in the relationship. We both admitted we still care for each other, but with our current circumstances that it was next to impossible to make our relationship work, living in two opposite coasts and neither of us are willing to move. We reminisced on the good times. We even admitted to each other all the times we've lied to each other in the past...

There were obviously some things she admitted that also hurt me, but surprisingly I took it well. She even said the guy she's seeing right now is more of a fling than a steady relationship. She feels lonely and needs someone, but she has no serious feelings for him.. I don't know if she's only saying this to make me feel better... but at this point, I don't really care anymore! It's crazy! Two hours ago, I was devastated that she is seeing another guy, and now suddenly I barely even care! Isn't that weird? Yeah it still hurts that the only woman I ever loved is seeing someone else now but after we mutually agreed that we grew apart and mutually admitted our faults and differences, I feel so much better. She even told me to call her if she ever wanted to talk. I told her I probably won't be doing that anytime soon, as it still hurts knowing she's with someone else. She said she understood.

I know I'm still going to feel depressed at certain points for the next few weeks when I still think about her, but I know I am going to heal so much faster after this conversation. When i got off the phone with her, I actually felt the deep depression lift right off my shoulders... it's strange isn't it? We're still broken up, but I feel so much better already. I might actually go eat something right now!

She even left the door open for possible future reconciliation.. but unless she decides to come back to Florida, it's never going to happen... and I'm okay with that...

Edited April 19, 2011 by Broken Dreams

April 19, 2011

Thats great that ye found some common ground and both agreed that it wasn't working out now you have your closure,

but im not going to lie even though your feeling better now there will be times ahead that you'll find tough.. i just have 2 bits of advice for you and please take them into cosideration! (dont make the same mistakes i did)

1. if your ever out drinking with mates and your gettind drunk and you find yourself missing her.. don't think its a good idea to start calling her because its not! (this doen't help you feel any better believe me)

2. don't rush into anything right now with a girl, be it a fling or anything more.. this is a common mistake most people make! you wont be ready for a relationship for awhile you will only end up tagging the person along trying to replace your ex (not a good move to make)

you'll know yourself when your ready to move on trust me friends are the best to be around right now..glad your feeling better.

April 19, 2011

I can't believe it! All this time I wanted so badly to call her for some closure, and she just called me after NC for 3 days...

We talked for about an hour. She apologized for hurting me, but we both mutually agreed that we had grown apart since she moved to Cali and that we were both at fault at certain times in the relationship. We both admitted we still care for each other, but with our current circumstances that it was next to impossible to make our relationship work, living in two opposite coasts and neither of us are willing to move. We reminisced on the good times. We even admitted to each other all the times we've lied to each other in the past...

There were obviously some things she admitted that also hurt me, but surprisingly I took it well. She even said the guy she's seeing right now is more of a fling than a steady relationship. She feels lonely and needs someone, but she has no serious feelings for him.. I don't know if she's only saying this to make me feel better... but at this point, I don't really care anymore! It's crazy! Two hours ago, I was devastated that she is seeing another guy, and now suddenly I barely even care! Isn't that weird? Yeah it still hurts that the only woman I ever loved is seeing someone else now but after we mutually agreed that we grew apart and mutually admitted our faults and differences, I feel so much better. She even told me to call her if she ever wanted to talk. I told her I probably won't be doing that anytime soon, as it still hurts knowing she's with someone else. She said she understood.

I know I'm still going to feel depressed at certain points for the next few weeks when I still think about her, but I know I am going to heal so much faster after this conversation. When i got off the phone with her, I actually felt the deep depression lift right off my shoulders... it's strange isn't it? We're still broken up, but I feel so much better already. I might actually go eat something right now!

She even left the door open for possible future reconciliation.. but unless she decides to come back to Florida, it's never going to happen... and I'm okay with that...

See! Told ya she'd contact you. Well, I'm glad you found closure and you're feeling better and enjoy it, because you're gonna go on a rollercoaster of emotions right now. You might be fine now, but tomorrow, you might want to cry your eyes out and be all depressed, then the next day you might be so angry you could spit nails...This is normal and you should just come here and vent. We'll listen and believe me, it does help! I'm pulling for ya dude!

Sign In

It's over btw my high school sweetheart and I... PLEASE HELP!

Recommended Posts

Broken Dreams

Chi townD

Broken Dreams

Broken Dreams

Chi townD

Broken Dreams

Eddie Edirol

Broken Dreams

Chi townD

mysticmeg1

Broken Dreams

Broken Dreams

mysticmeg1

jdub27

Broken Dreams

mysticmeg1

Chi townD

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...