Axee Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Hi Everyone, I have never posted in a forum before so its kind of difficult for me. I have also had a break up earlier, but that time I recovered sooner but this time I am feeling I am really at the breaking point, so I am here... To give a brief background, I am from India, where arranged marriages and family pressure are the norm.. where there is a certain "age" to get married after which you are considered really old. I am a girl of 25 yrs .My boy friend is 33 years old which is really late for a guy in India. He is a very silent guy and I used to think he is "emotionally unavailable" .. cause for almost 6 months we were really close, but when I asked him does he love me, he said he isnt sure of us, whether we are compatible.. I was really confused and felt rejected. But later he himself came around and we again came back to same track and one day he finally confessed he loved me too...So that time , once he said he wants to marry me , I started getting doubts at the thought of getting married and committed to him. I told my parents about him, they were dead against this marriage.. And two weeks before my guy was to leave to his parents place, he said that his real age is 33 and not 31, and he is conscious about it so he never revealed. Now I really shook as this was totally unexpected for me..I said I need time , but all the same we were more closer than ever.... Now, the day arrived when he was to leave to his parents house. We both did shopping together and I saw him off at the airport.. he went back to India only for a week and I , didnt commit to him then also. There his family showed him many girls and finally there was one girl for whom there was a LOT of pressure from his entire realtives and since I too hadnt committed to him and since he is already 33, he said yes to her. The very same day , they finished the engagement too.. I was totally upset and hurt and couldnt eat or stand up for 2 days after this.... He came back after two days and explains the situation to me with tears in his eyes...I understand but later I start telling him to cancel the engagement. he says cannot go against the family.. he talks to his siblings , both of them ask him to sacrifice...saying times heals everything.. Finally... Someone leaks the girl, information about our affair and there is now a big mess at his family side, my family side and that girls family side... He told me clearly that he doesnt want me and though he acknowledges my decdication, he cannot continue with me hurting his family...He said, that girls engagement might get cancelled but he wont be with either since his whole family thinks its me who has leaked the information to that girl.... He also told the same lines which he told 6 months earlier, that we are incompatible.. ( though i havent felt like that even a minute) Every day I am crying in my sleep and taking his name... It hurts when I see that other girl's Facebook profile... I am afraid for myself if I will ever get experience what I had with him again......I had a lot of faith and belief in this realtionship and had put my 100% to make it work.. I am just not able to accept this has happened and confirm to myself that it is really over.. I am just not able to let go as I was and still am in love with him, in spite of his faults..I had considered him as my husband...It pricks me even more that if at all I had told him in the beginning itself that I will marry him , then things would have been different... I get afraid at night suddenly , cause I am feeling very insecure because of all this...
Author Axee Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 I am now afraid to trust anyone.. I had given 100% and it still didnt work means surely any other relationship at a future point may face the same scenario.. and my much injured heart doesnt have the strength to deal with heart breaks any longer....
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