i just broke NC- she said i miss you and wants to call me when she gets to airport

[tyler123]

my lady friend has been living with me for the past yr consistently when she does not have her kids- we have been doing this dance for 4 yrs. My story is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t273265/

well on april 3rd she left my apartment, no fight, no talk of break up- well she has not been over since, and i was not calling her asking her why i have not heard from her- i am not sure what i want -except a more mature relationship- i have done so much for her, but she has always avoids me when she does not want to make our relationship a priority- i usually freak out by my actions and end up feeling worse. She always comes back but not when i freak out on her, it's always on her schedule. WEll i have been doing a lot of sole searching and realize i do not want to GO CRAZY even though my thinking is CRAZY. bottom line is i know i deserve more but she is not in a position to give me more- we do love each other- but because of her recent relapse, detox and all her guilt she has put all her attention on her KIDS and being with them as she has been a removed mom for sometime now- just camping out at my place being miserable. SO i do understand a little that she is trying to be a present mom- but i feel she could still talk to me and not go so dark on me. Well , she called last week after my not chasing, i did not return the call, she texted me 2 days later saying she feels bad for not calling and wants to catch up that its crazy we have not talked this long. i caved in and responded and said that would be nice . she said she would call me this weekend but never called- this got me stirring- for 2 reasons- she did not follow thru on her words- her actions were still avoiding me- the other thing is she does this many times and i always forgive her and tell her it's ok. reading the boards i know i do this because i am just scared of losing her, if i tell her this is unacceptable. AM i being too harsh? i called her this morning from my work phone cause, i had this fear if i called from my cell she would ignore.. well she answered and said it's so weird hearing my voice - that it's been too long and she misses me and loves me and wants to call me from the airport before she goes to florida for a week. I know i make my own drama- and i invite this into my life- PLEASE HELP , i am not sure what to get into on our call. do i tell her i am sad that she has not made more an effort - and she completely went dark on me? I WANT TO PLAY IT COOL- so any advice on how to do that and what not to say if she calls would be helpful.