SMHEO Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Granted, this may be a silly question but I have been going out with an amazing girl for 3 months. She knows of my lack of experience and said she is fine with it. When it first came up a month or so ago she asked if I wanted to do more and I said I did, and we kind of left it at that. Now my issue is, how do I approach this? Next time I see her do we just talk about it, do we actually plan a date to do it, or should I just let it kind of naturally happen? My issue is I am not sure it will naturally happen as I have no experience with the escalation into sex. We have only went as far as heavy making out, working on her breasts, rubbing her through her pants, etc... She also doesnt seem as though she will initiate it as she hasnt ventured into any kind of intimate touching or anything. I really do want to do more, but the years of inexperience are kind of holding me back.
neghitzbrah Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I don't mean to be pretty blunt here, but do you guys drink? If so, I would suggest making her dinner one evening with a bottle of wine. It'll set the mood for you 2 to just go with the flow in an intimate setting. Don't think about it, because then you'll be anxious all night. Just enjoy yourself and it'll happen. There is no reason to rush it. If you don't drink, you can do without the bottle of wine and things will be just fine. It seems like you are pressuring yourself right now and that's never a good thing dude. It's pretty obvious she won't initiate it, because she wants you to lead. She's been with you for 3 months and have already talked about it. There is no reason to have the "I need to do it now or never!" type of thinking. Just go with the flow and the mood.
Ginger Beer Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 The thrusting part is what I would struggle with. I've asked this question on other forums and the advice I was given is to go slow with LOTS of kissing.
Irishlove Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 How old are you and the girl? Thats what I'm wondering because that would make a difference.
Lucky_One Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 The thrusting part is what I would struggle with. I've asked this question on other forums and the advice I was given is to go slow with LOTS of kissing. That would be the part that comes easiest and most naturally.
WillSingForFood Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Make it somewhat spontaneous and somewhat planned out. Dont write down on the calendar that you will be having sex a certain day, but dont just jump on her out of the blue either. Make out a few special dates that you can go on where it will be possible for sex to come from it, and just see where any of those dates take you.
Lucky_One Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Yes, Ginger. I would think that basic instincts will take over for the thrusting part. OP, this is some advice I gave my son. Always, always, always use a condom. Practice putting a condom on, especially in low light situations. First times should be in relatively safe places (where parents aren't apt to walk in at any minute). They should be in fairly comfortable surroundings (beds are lovely, but the backseat of a Corolla is fun, but much more awkward for a first time). Snuggling and cuddling post-orgasm are very very important for you both, but don't stay inside her too long, as you are very likely to leave your condom behind when you slip out as your penis shrinks; always hold the base of the condom when you withdraw. Have someway to dispose of your condom relatively handy, so that you don't have to fumble with a sticky used rubber and eventually drop it on the floor to step on. Remember that first times are just plain awkward for both of you, and the better lubricated she is, the easier it will be to enter her the first time - oral sex on her can be really imperative unless she is naturally very very wet or you have the skills to suggest lube on a first timer. But honestly, there is a whole host of sexual activity between rubbing her through her pants and intercourse. If you are both taking your time, take your time and learn all about her body. Take off a piece of her clothing and cherish and explore what lies beneath it. Don't let her be the only one naked and vulnerable - make sure you take your own things off at the same rate of speed. Young women can feel very self-conscious about their bodies, and what you express to her during these times will stick in her mind forever. Saying "your breasts are so beautiful" while you bury your head between them will make her much happier with her own breasts than your saying "Ew, why do you have that hair beside your nipple??" Good luck, and welcome to the wonderful world of love-making!!
welikeincrowds Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Don't think about it, because then you'll be anxious all night. Just enjoy yourself and it'll happen. Can't stress this enough. Ideally, you never want to expect sex specifically, but always generally. "We're going to ****, but I don't know when. Maybe 2 minutes from now, maybe 2 years from now." Just never set a time, never have a schedule, let go of all of that. Practically, this means planning the beginning of the date, but not the middle and the end. Pencil in the restaurant, but never the dessert. (This is assuming you're not getting weird behavior and red flags and stuff -- that you can tell she's into you and you know you're going to ****.) I've gotten in trouble for letting my nerves get the best of me when sex has been too obviously planned, when it's clear that everything we're doing is just a precursor to ****ing. It can be very sexy to know and look forward to all night, true. But on the first night, with someone you've been dating for a while, it doesn't amount to the same thing; instead, it's just unnecessary pressure. So let it go and only concern yourself with making it happen a few seconds before it actually happens (i.e. in the moment).
Author SMHEO Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 (edited) For the people asking about ages, kind of embarassingly I am going on 24 and she is 21. She has some experience. Things like worrying about parents coming in dont really apply as I have an apartment, but thanks for all the advice, its real helpful. Im not really trying to worry about the act itself so much its just the anticipation/buildup towards it. The practising with a condom is good advice, though I have found it kind of difficult to stay completely hard through masturbation with one. On the other hand when I am just making out with the girl I get instantly hard. I guess should we have a talk where we both agree we want to do it, maybe not set a date? I just feel as though I dont want to try forcing anything even though I am fairly certain she is up for it? I get the whole being a man and leading thing, just easier said than done for this guy! Anyhow, thanks again. I will let you know of any progress. Edited April 18, 2011 by SMHEO
Lucky_One Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Don't fret about your age; there is nothing wrong with waiting or with not having sex. I wouldn't have had sex at the "old" age of 19 if I hadn't believed I was in love; I would still be a virgin unless I had found the right person for that experience. Great on the apartment and no parents! You have the place, you have the privacy, you have the penis, you have the condoms. You will stay hard with a condom on having sex - it will be totally different than masturbating! And it is great that she has had sex before, as she will be able to help with the whole "logistics inside" issue. Keep Kleenex beside your bed, too! Have fun, keep it relaxed, and it will happen. Ask her over for dinner, cook for each other, have a bottle of wine, and start some crazy making out on the floor of your living room after a game of strip Trivial Pursuit.
makelemonade1974 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 And try not to come in 30 seconds, although this is likely your first time. Consciously relax - close your eyes and think of non-sexy things if you think you are going to come. I don't know - guys, help me with this? The secret to not coming too fast? Or just come in 30 seconds, take a nap, and do it again - you're young, you could probably handle 4 times in one night lol. Ah, I need me a 24 year old.
welikeincrowds Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 And try not to come in 30 seconds, although this is likely your first time. Consciously relax - close your eyes and think of non-sexy things if you think you are going to come. I don't know - guys, help me with this? The secret to not coming too fast? The secret is foreplay! If intercourse is all there is to the meal, and it's too small a portion, then yeah, your partner is going to be left hungry. But if intercourse is just one course out of a 5 course meal and some drinks and shared appetizers, then what of it? The focus shouldn't be about the penis going in the vagina, or even WOWING your partner, so much as it should be the exploration of a new person's body. So really, the secret is to straight up be okay with it if it happens, and to even let it happen if you feel it coming on. It's not the end of the world and it's not even that bad. The irony is that if you're perfectly okay with it happening, there's a better chance that it won't even happen. And anyone can make up for that, but young guys can make up for it by going again in an hour. In fact, some girls get particularly flattered by this. Who doesn't want to know that they made their guy cum twice the first night? All that said, one old tried-and-true technique is to masturbate a few hours beforehand. But imo that kills the mood.
stepka Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Most guys just try to take it to the next level. If she stops you and is firm about it you can be sure it's not going to be tonight. If she lets you go further, stay with that for awhile and go for the next goal, and so on. But be sure you're ready with the protection in case you do get lucky.
Author SMHEO Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 (edited) Tiny update, I saw her this morning and again we were making out heavily, I was touching her all over, but whenever I tried to reach into her pants she would kind of move my hands away. Am kind of confused to be honest, I should have asked her about it and brought up the whole sex thing but I sort of chickened out. Will just see how things progress, I just dont like the uncertainty, not knowing if I am going to slow, what she expects, etc. Edited April 19, 2011 by SMHEO
SweetDaphne Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Tiny update, I saw her this morning and again we were making out heavily, I was touching her all over, but whenever I tried to reach into her pants she would kind of move my hands away. Am kind of confused to be honest, I should have asked her about it and brought up the whole sex thing but I sort of chickened out. Will just see how things progress, I just dont like the uncertainty, not knowing if I am going to slow, what she expects, etc. Have you asked her about it? Is she a virgin? If not, have you discussed STDs? If not, talk about them NOW! She may be nervous or may be trying to avoid telling you something. Either way you need to find out.
Author SMHEO Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 (edited) No she isnt a virgin, though I am. We have briefly talked about STDs she said she was clean (and she told me of her brief sexual past which she has some issues with, seems she lost her virginity to a FWB whom she only really saw because she said she had confidence issues and needed to feel wanted.) It may be as Lucky One said, who knows. Maybe she is still insecure? Our relationship is great though, I love being with this girl. In writing this I kind of see how crazy it is talking about it on here and not with her. At the same time its nice to write down my thoughts, thanks for listening/helping. Edited April 19, 2011 by SMHEO
blackmagik Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Don't go directly for the pants. Take other things off first. Seriously the first time you have sex with someone it is about warming them up to the idea. If sex is your goal then you need to make it so she will be so hot for you that it is just what should naturally happen. Kiss her neck, around her ears, etc. Those spots seem to get a woman pretty hot. Also she probably rejected you because she is on her period. I don't see another reason why should would reject you... maybe she had a place ot go too.. who knows.
Afridi Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 just want a woman to sex is the most beautiful thing that i imagine
maysj18 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 If I were you, I wouldn't plan a day because then she may be nervous, too. You should know by the plans for the night, whether or not it'll be good to try. Go slow and like that one person said, explore her body and let her explore your's. You need to be really comfortable with her and her with you for it to be enjoyable. If the first night of foreplay goes really well, then have at it, but don't get distraught if it progresses slower than you hoped. Definitely try not to think about it as much as you are or it could turn out to be really nerve-racking. Have another night of intense making out, and take off her shirt and you take off your's and just keep going. You'll be fiiiiiine! But yeah, try not to get off in 30 seconds. Either masturbate earlier that day or see if maybe she'd go down on you first.
Author SMHEO Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the replies. Still not much to report back, but things got pretty heavy last night. We were on the couch and things began happening and she was on my lap grinding me. Her shirt was off and after all the breast kissing/neck kissing/etc I was stimulating her clit through her pants and I am 99% sure she orgasmed. It sounded as though she did, and she became real quiet afterwards and was shaking/shuttering a bit afterwards. Anyway, it is all pretty hot and fun but I did try exploring down the pants again and got my hand removed. She also mentioned how its not fair on me after we were done, but I didint know what to say. That probably should of been my cue to ask about the next level and all that. Truth be told though, I really love making her feel good so I dont see it as not being fair to me, but obviously would like to do more. Also, I didnt think about it but as the last poster said when her shirt is off should I be removing mine as well? She hasnt tried really doing anything like that to me. Just thought I would give an update. I know we just need to talk about it, but I also feel it could kind of ruin the moment? Edited April 27, 2011 by SMHEO
Professor X Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 What to talk about? You've tried several times to reach her pants and she pushed you away. That means she's not ready yet. Just give her some more time. P.S. she's right though, it was unfair towards you that she got her O and you didn't. Next time consider a playful reply like "so what are you gonna do about that?" See if she flows to a HJ or BJ. And to be honest, from my experience, you don't talk about when you'll have sex, you just do it!
one goal Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Yes, Ginger. I would think that basic instincts will take over for the thrusting part. OP, this is some advice I gave my son. Always, always, always use a condom. Practice putting a condom on, especially in low light situations. First times should be in relatively safe places (where parents aren't apt to walk in at any minute). They should be in fairly comfortable surroundings (beds are lovely, but the backseat of a Corolla is fun, but much more awkward for a first time). Snuggling and cuddling post-orgasm are very very important for you both, but don't stay inside her too long, as you are very likely to leave your condom behind when you slip out as your penis shrinks; always hold the base of the condom when you withdraw. Have someway to dispose of your condom relatively handy, so that you don't have to fumble with a sticky used rubber and eventually drop it on the floor to step on. Remember that first times are just plain awkward for both of you, and the better lubricated she is, the easier it will be to enter her the first time - oral sex on her can be really imperative unless she is naturally very very wet or you have the skills to suggest lube on a first timer. But honestly, there is a whole host of sexual activity between rubbing her through her pants and intercourse. If you are both taking your time, take your time and learn all about her body. Take off a piece of her clothing and cherish and explore what lies beneath it. Don't let her be the only one naked and vulnerable - make sure you take your own things off at the same rate of speed. Young women can feel very self-conscious about their bodies, and what you express to her during these times will stick in her mind forever. Saying "your breasts are so beautiful" while you bury your head between them will make her much happier with her own breasts than your saying "Ew, why do you have that hair beside your nipple??" Good luck, and welcome to the wonderful world of love-making!! That sounds hot! That's the kind of sex talk you have with your kids??
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