lonely79 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 (edited) Hi all! I am coming off another visit... feeling very down. After our last visit a couple weeks ago, i was on cloud 9, we had the best visit ever and in the couple weeks after it, were both just all lovey-dovey and everything was GREAT. this visit, however, wasn't quite as great. Not to go into too much detail, but we had a bit of a tiff - it wasnt a deal breaker or anything too crazy, but I was pretty upset at the time and it kinda put a bad feeling on the night overall. He spent a good deal of time re-assuring me so I would not be upset and it took me a bit to get over it....and then he was annoyed.....but we eventually both got over it but the night just seems ruined a little when i think about it.....When he left the next morning, we were fine, back to normal, sad that he was leaving, saying goodbye, etc. He texted me a couple times that day, just to see how i was feeling and to tell me about his day etc, and everything was fine...but i cant help but feel like he's not quite as lovey as before, like our little tiff ruined things for him. i know this is probably my insecurity talking and Im making way more out of it than I need to, but i can't seem to help it. In his texts, he didnt call me by any of the dozen or so pet names he usually (not always) uses. Its not like he ALWAYS does, so I think if we hadn't had a disagreement, I probably wouldn't even have noticed. I go to visit him this friday, so theres not a lot of time to get into a routine of texting, IM, and skype, and he's busy this week with lots of stuff so I know this week is going to be hard, cuz we prob won't have a ton of contact. I am going to spend the whole week wondering if he's gonna break up with me at the end of our next visit. :( any words of encouragement? Edited April 18, 2011 by lonely79
befreckled Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Awww. Hang in there. The reality is, no relationship is perfect and hunky dory 100% As the fairer of the species, we are definitely more sensitive to changes and often it might be so slight, it's in our own minds. During my last visit, I almost bit off my bf's head one evening, mostly because I was hormonal (T-3 days to the time of the month and they say it's a myth. hell to the no!) Of course, my bf was truly confused. He sat there puzzled while comforting sappy teary me. You said it yourself that the tiff wasn't a deal breaker, so don't fill your mind with negative thoughts. Instead fill your time with things aside the bf. It will help you to take your mind off the relationship which I find always helps.
Author lonely79 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 thanks for the reply befreckled...I know im just being silly probably, and obviously I cant expect everything to always be perfect...I just think its the distance that makes me feel like every visit is so IMPORTANT and then if anything goes wrong its sooo depressing and I worry. He was always more hesitant than me about doing the long distance thing so I guess thats always in the back of my mind. we did text briefly today and he called me a cute name i feel a little better now but wont feel totally fine about things till i see him this weekend! LDRs are so hard!!
Author lonely79 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 creighton, ive been trying to think of a way to say what it was without giving away too many details (i really dont want anyone to find me on here, not that i think he would ever come to a forum like this, but a troll once posted on a thread here and said some things that he basically copied from one of my threads, almost like he was pretending to be my SO, but i know it wasnt, but it scared me enough to want to keep details minimal from now on)..... and i cant think of a good way. but ill try basically he told me something that i hadnt known before that initially made me jump to conclusions and made me think it affected our relationship, but after some explaining and talking, i understood better and am fine with it now. I trust him and believe him, it was just the initial learning of it that took me by surprise and made me upset. He was sweet and explained it to me but seemed annoyed at the amount of times i needed him to re-iterate, and was just generally annoyed by the drama of it. but then he got over THAT and we were fine. we had also been drinking, if that matters. i think i might have been a little drunk and thus maybe more dramatic than needed. so i felt bad about that too, later... he says he's not mad and to not worry about it at all. i dont want to bring it up again, since it seems we worked through the issue in the first place. I think my problem now is just my own insecurity - thinking he doesnt care enough to stick with me even after a fight.
creighton0123 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Some people, men and women, are the type to shut down emotionally for a short period of time after an argument. This is normal and perhaps a part of the emotional capacity of the man you're seeing. Give him some time. As you know, things crawl in a long distance relationship. You need more patience and that, unfortunately, equates to more negative emotion. In a regular relationship, I'd say give it a day or two. In a long distance relationship, a week or two.
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