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Posted

I've been chatting online for a couple of days now with a woman, (new to the online scene ), anyone with online experience, how soon do you as for the phone #? Hope it doesn't seem like an elementary question but I know alot of people are weary about the whole online thing, just don't want to scare anyone off.

Posted

I didn't ask the girl for her number. I asked her out to coffee at a local Starbucks/Chapters after about 2 weeks. Went out for coffee on Friday, and it went so well that I took her out to dinner at a really special greek restaurant and then we went bowling after. I didn't end up getting her number till after we were done at coffee.

Posted

I usually ask for a phone number when your messages start to get really long. In that case, you have a pretty good reason to ask for her number (e.g. it's taking a long time to write out these long messages). Sometimes I will offer an IMing option in case they're not comfortable calling, but would still like to talk real-time. If you've been messaging consistently and built enough comfort, they'll usually give it to you. Good luck!

Posted

Women are worried about safety. If you have a gmail account, you can chat through that, and she doesn't need to give you her number. If that isn't good for you, try giving her your number. That way she can call or not.

Posted

I agree with Fresh Prince. After a prolonged email exchange, it just seems easier to get on the phone. I personally don't like IM.

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Posted

As far as arranging a date and then getting her number, I'm fine with that but one of my problems is that I overanalyze things and the first thing ill think if I ask for a date online is that shell think its lame not to ask for her # and then ask her out personally. I havent had a whole lot of luck with women so my mentallity is that one false move and I'm screwed. The last girl i dated about 6 wks ago i asked for her # IN person, got it, and arranged the date and everything, had dinner, conversation flowed well, had a lot of interests in common, well she blew me off. Not good for the psyche, thats why I overanalyze.

Posted

You'll probably need to have a thicker skin for online dating. It involves lots of rejection. Guys might send out 100 messages and only get 1 response. Also, try meeting for coffee or a coke for the first meeting. It will keep the cost down and you won't feel like you have so much invested.

Posted
As far as arranging a date and then getting her number, I'm fine with that but one of my problems is that I overanalyze things and the first thing ill think if I ask for a date online is that shell think its lame not to ask for her # and then ask her out personally. I havent had a whole lot of luck with women so my mentallity is that one false move and I'm screwed. The last girl i dated about 6 wks ago i asked for her # IN person, got it, and arranged the date and everything, had dinner, conversation flowed well, had a lot of interests in common, well she blew me off. Not good for the psyche, thats why I overanalyze.

That stuff happens to all of us a lot. I've had first dates where he really seemed into me and I just knew I'd hear from him again, only to never hear or get a rejection letter and wondering where I went wrong on reading people, but then decided maybe he liked me well enough but someone else even better.

 

I agree with the one who said when your messages get too long, and 2 days isn't really enough b/c a lot of people just quit writing altogether before a week is up. I prefer the coffeeshop date first and then giving my number b/c I like to see a man's eyes first and I've dealt with stalkers before, tho it was never anyone I met OL.

Posted (edited)

Really depends on the situation. I was planning on giving Online Dating a rest for a bit (was feeling a bit emotionally drained last week). After not logging onto my account for a almost a week I logged back in to find I had 8 unsolicited messages from different girls (yeah I know nothing compared to most girls on here, got to remember I am a guy :o).

 

Wrote most of them off straight away due to them ignoring my requests that I have no interest in smokers/drug users. 3 of them were physically attractive to me and didn't smoke/do drugs.

 

So I've started talking to those three for the last 3-4 days.

 

We will call them the following.

 

<Cute but somewhat ditsy girl>

<Girl that studies same field as me>

<Same name as my Ex>

 

 

<Cute but somewhat ditsy girl> - Messages were fun, cute and quite interesting but she has already started to wane off with responses that are usually 2-3 lines in length with no real content *yawn*. So shes out.

 

<Girl that studies same field as me> - Messages have been somewhat lengthy and I've enjoyed talking to her so far. However I'm already noticing she has a very negative attitude (talking about how she hates her job, hates uni hate this hate that etc.) which I'm finding quite unattractive. Not to mention I just realised at the bottom of her profile she has a disclaimer saying "Sick of guys been massive jerks! <rage anger angst insert here>" which sticks out as a massive red flag to me... so I think I'm going to let her be.

 

<Same name as my Ex> - Started off as a brief exchange has grown into monster sized messages from both sides. She works in what I think is a very interesting field, has very similar interests to me and seems very keen considering the messages she has sent must of taken a fair amount of time/effort. Despite the obvious awkwardness that she has the same name as my last ex (can't hold that against her my ex's name is a ridiculously common/ popular name). So even though we have only been talking for the last 3 days I'm going to ask for her number later today.

 

This is my honest advice for online dating.

 

1. You gotta have a thick skin, rejection is going to happen a lot. Girls (and Guys) will just stop talking to you suddenly as a way of saying they are not interested.

 

2. Weed out the phonies as quickly as possible. There are a lot of girls (at least where I live) who have no interest in a relationship what so ever mostly because they have either:

 

A) Recently broken up and are using online dating sites as a tool to cope (which I think is stupidly unfair, selfish to the guys who are actually looking for a relationship. Thats just me though).

 

B) Are not who they say they are (pictures are 3-4 years old, trapped themselves in lies to make themselves sound more interesting etc).

 

C) Have a boyfriend and are shopping around for their next boyfriend before they dump the current one.

 

D) Just enjoy the attention of guys/stringing them along etc.

 

So I have made the following rules for myself.

 

1. After a decent rapport has been established and I get the sense the girl is generally interested. I will write at the bottom of the next message "I have really enjoyed our conversation so far and would like to talk to you on the phone my number is xxxxxx, whats yours? :)"

 

This approach has been most successful for me as I offer my number first and then ask for theirs. Iv'e asked around 10 girls for their number 6 of them gave them to me without hesitation (though some didn't want to talk on the phone because they didn't like talking on the phone, would rather meet face to face but were happy for me to text them).

 

Other 4 made up some flimsy excuses which to me said they were not interested/hiding something. So I stopped contacting them after that.

 

2. I always ask for a girls number I'm interested in, no longer than a week after initiating contact with them. I've found more often than not their interest begins to wane after this point (probably because I hadn't made a move).

 

So I've been doing online dating since late December this is my results so far.

 

Have talked to about 25-30 girls in that time, roughly 2/3 me initiating contact, 1/3 girls contacting me. I usually have a very high response rate around 80% as I only message girls I think I would get along with. I take the time to read their profiles and write personilsed messages that are obviously for them alone. (Might add these numbers do not include girls who have contacted me who I have not been interested in).

 

Not the scattergun approach with generic messages like "Hey, how you doin ;)?" that most guys send off too 1000 random girls hoping a few will bite back.

 

Asked 10 of them for numbers 6 of which gave them to me which resulted in me dating 5 of them for a short period of time between (2-4 dates) only 2 of them I would of considered LTR material unfortunately they did not feel the same way, oh well. Keep on trucking :)

 

So yes online dating requires a lot of effort (especially for guys). Hope this information has been helpful.

Edited by Hules
Posted

With the last guy I dated from POF, we exchanged mail for a few days, then he gave me his cell number and we started into the texting. We never talked on the phone first, just met about 8-9 days after the first contact.

Posted
With the last guy I dated from POF, we exchanged mail for a few days, then he gave me his cell number and we started into the texting. We never talked on the phone first, just met about 8-9 days after the first contact.

 

Pretty much how its gone for me as well. Most of them weren't interested in talking on the phone. I just used it as a pretext to ask for their number. :laugh:

 

Time frame is about the same first date is generally after 7-9 days after I first contact was made.

Posted

I didn't give my number out to guys I met online until after we met up in person. There are too many crazies out there. So when the guy would ask for my number I would decline and suggest we meet in person instead. Something like "Rather than give you my number why don't we meet up for coffee?"

 

I really dislike it when guys ask for my number very early in the game.

Posted (edited)

There are both men & women dating online with a checklist of things that have to happen before meeting -- and the lists can be radically different from one person to the next. You never know what you'll get. So don't worry that you're going to get rejected because you didn't ask for a phone # at the right time them; it's like expecting you to check off the items on that checklist that you don't even know exists.

 

Is it important to you to get the phone #? Is having the # a sort of accomplishment itself, or do you only want it to ask the woman out verbally? Does it put you off if she would rather not give you her phone number, but still wants to meet you? Is the phone convo and hearing a voice important to you? I'd say do what you're most comfortable with, but be flexible. Maybe try a few different things, and see what works best.

 

When I was online dating (and heaven help me, I will probably go back to it later this year or next), I did not like to give out my phone number until an in-person date had been arranged via e-mail, and it was only my cell #, and only so if something happened at the last minute I could call my date or vice versa. I do not like talking on the phone with people I haven't already met -- I need the visual input of body laguage & expression to connect with. Sometimes things people say or tone of voice doesn't translate well the phone. And ditto Crazy Magnet's sentiment about the crazies; I still feel weird giving my # to a guy I have plans to meet.

 

Once, a man I thought I was getting along with well through e-mail wanted to move to phone conversation. I told him I didn't like talking on the phone and preferred to meet in person first. Guess that was a deal-breaker for him, because he stopped all communication at that point. :( Maybe he was the kind of guy who spends a lot of time talking on the phone; if so, it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

 

No need to get hung up about when or if to ask for a phone number. It's a small thing to reject a person for (unless your communication styles are totally incompatible), so if it happens because of it, they were probably looking for some reason to end things. Phone, e-mail, text, smoke signals... no matter how you do it, the important part is asking for that first face-to-face meeting. Good luck!

Edited by NoMagicBullet
More info
Posted

For me its doesn't really matter if I get a number or not it is a way of saying "Hey I'm interested I would like to take this further."

 

It doesn't matter if they don't like talking on the phone. I understand that and some of the girls I dated openly said they didn't (honestly I don't really like it either I prefer seeing them face to face).

 

With a few of them they said my number is xxxxxx, but I don't like talking on the phone lets meet up in person.

 

Which was fine with me, basically I use it as a way to move things a long.

 

If I ask for a number and they refuse to give it to me and then say, we should get to know each other better/ My phone is broken / <insert other excuse here>. I will stop communication. I'm not interested in talking for a month online before possibly meeting.

 

Also I don't like going on dates with someone I have no contact info for. What happens if they don't show up or get lost or are late or same situation in reserve, how the hell am I to let them know without contact information?

 

Yeah no thanks not going to waste my time and potentially get stood up (haven't been stood up yet thankfully).

Posted

I only had one guy show up late. He didn't have my number and couldn't let me know he was running late. He would have been nexted regardless b/c he was almost 20 minutes late. First impressions are HUGE.

 

That being said, have faith that a girl will show up on time when she says she will show up. I have enough faith in the guy that he will and I expect the same in return. Having contact information isn't going to save you from being stood up anyway. If the girl doesn't want to come and is going to flake it doesn't matter if you have her number or not.

 

Also, choose places to meet that you are very familiar with so you don't get lost. In the past I have typically suggested the time and place so I don't have to worry about getting lost. If it's a new place I've never been I do a dry run to make sure I know how to get there.

 

It's really easy to arrange everything via email.

 

I don't thinking getting a number or not getting a number is a big deal either way. If I don't give out my number and am not interested in the guy, I don't have to deal with incessant texts asking for more explanations, begging for another chance, etc. Leave it to a couple of weirdo's to ruin it for everyone else.

Posted

As I said most girls are more than willing to give me their number. For me its more reassurance that they won't **** me over and are at least somewhat genuine about meeting with me. Call me cynical but I don't put much faith in strangers online.

 

Also about trust, I trust them enough to give them my number I feel the same should be returned. (Yes I understand, your concerns about the crazies I had one girl do it to me as well. I won't let that ruin it for the others who have been more than respectful). If they don't give me their number I suspect they are hiding something or are not interested. Which more often than not has turned out to be the case.

 

Basically I have enough options that I'm not going to waste my time on people who can't meet this basic criteria.

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