orangelady Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Alright, this has gone far enough. As far as I care, if someone has accomplished something meaningful with their life, their arrogance is JUSTIFIED. It may be justified, but it may not be attractive to some.
Sanman Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 It is actually funny, because in some ways I actually envy the problem mentioned by the OP and in others I can empathize. I am very intelligent and have the graduate degrees and alma maters to back up said statement. However, I am quite the 'cultural omnivore' as a previous poster put it. I love NPR, am a history buff, a science nerd, and a tech geek. My best friend is an intelligent tech geek and engaged. His fiancee is pursuing her PhD. They are both introverts and love intellectual entertainment. While I do mesh well with these introverted characteristics, I also love beer, bars, shooting pool, and working out. I could talk cars or motorcycles all day. I even enjoy dancing at a club at times. I can be the life of the party if I choose to do so. I have a vast cross-section of friends with a variety of interests. Yet, I only have one friend who enjoys both the intellectually rigorous and the sinfully delicious. He is a history professor who looks like a biker. My look ranges from clean cut to slightly punk. Add to that the fact that I am an ethnic minority. I have never seemed to find a niche to fall into as most others have. Even in high school, I floated between the punks, the nerds, and the jocks due to mutual interests/activities. I have dated the extroverts and it is exhausting. I date the introverts and it can get boring. It often feels as if I need to settle and accept a partner who will never understand a part of me. Yet, I hold out hope that such is not true. In a rather odd happenstance of fate, I recently met a woman who comes very close to fitting all of the above and is attracted to me. Unfortunately, she lives 7 hours away in another state and over careers would prevent either of us from relocating for at least another year. Well, c'est la vie...things will work out as they do.
Cee Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Sanman, you sound like quite a catch, although it sounds like you're caught among too many worlds. Perhaps, you could be the well rounded one with lots of interests and your partner could be the "geek" of the couple with specific passions. Cultural omnivore is an excellent concept. I'm going to snatch that. I wish I could say I'm an omnivore, but I'm not. I have a high social intelligence and am incredibly empathic, but I can't retain factual information. I try to "study" on current events before I see my friends, but the details fly out of my head. Many times my BF asks me what I think of a certain political topic and I sneak over to Google to find out what he's talking about.
orangelady Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Cultural omnivore is an excellent concept. I'm going to snatch that. I wish I could say I'm an omnivore, but I'm not. I have a high social intelligence and am incredibly empathic, but I can't retain factual information. I try to "study" on current events before I see my friends, but the details fly out of my head. Many times my BF asks me what I think of a certain political topic and I sneak over to Google to find out what he's talking about. What do you mean you have a high social intelligence but yet have to google political topics? Just curious.
Jazzari Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I agree with Cee, Sanman. You are quite the catch. I hope it works out with you and your girlfriend. I'm also in an LDR that is 7 hours distance. It's a bitch, but worth it.
Sanman Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Cee and Jazzari, thanks for the compliments! I'm working late to make up some work I lost when my computer crashed last night. I was using Ls to take a break and its nice to hear a little something positive on a bad day. Cee, I definitely agree that the more introverted "geeky" girl may be a better match for me. At least that is what my recent past relationships show me. As get a bit older and the party boy in me mellows, I the fit even better. Now, I just need to stop getting sidetracked by the craziness. I seem to have an affinity for attracting the wild and crazy (open relationships, bisexuals, grad student living in a house full of strippers? Check, check, and check) and think of the type I attract/have a soft spot for as young Elizabeth Wurtzels (minus the blonde hair). I seem to have a soft spot for the combination of intelligence and a bit of crazy. It's funny, many guys would kill for my experiences and friends have said as much. Yet, I am a bit envious of the stability and support their relationships give them. Jazzari, I appreciate the sentiment, but she isn't my gf. We are both attracted to each other, but I don't want to push things and put her or myself in a vulnerable position until we can figure out if something more is possible.It wouldn't be fair to either of us. Besides, it is difficult to judge whether we would work in a relationship when we haven't spent any time together. At the moment, I like to consider us friends who flirt and like each other. I plan to keep getting to know her and see what comes of it. Either way, good luck in your LDR as they are very difficult to maintain.
alexlakeman Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Op, be careful what advice you pick up, especially here as some women are old and have been here for ages, so no recent real life experience to be able to give you real advice.
welikeincrowds Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 (edited) I tried to find an internet link to an interesting study by a sociologist, Bonnie Erickson. She had studied how cultural capital played a role in social mobility within an industry. She had found, not surprisingly, that it was the people with the most diversified type of social capital who advanced the fastest. In other words, it was the people who could talk about football and Middle-East politics who were the most successful at building strong social networks. I think the same holds true in the dating world. The more versatile you are, the easier it will be for you to bond with people. It's not lonely at the top. It's only lonely at the top if your own interests are limited. I've just started reading This Side of Paradise, and apparently, in the *~Jazz Age~*, this is what "being cultured" used to mean. That you could enter and leave any topic you encounter with grace. (I don't know, I thought it was just about wearing beaded hats and keeping your elbows off the table.) This is also what effective rhetoric teaches us. Know your audience, adjust your persona accordingly, and you will win their hearts. Thus, "being social", as we know it, is an art, in the classical sense. People say the OP is arrogant to think he is "at the top", when he is clearly demonstrating (prostitutes!) that he is a lousy artist, at the very bottom of this craft. If the art of being social is something you respect and admire and wish to be good at yourself, then you should recognize that who you are isn't even relevant. Whom you're speaking to is, but they're even not the most important thing. What is valuable is the collaboration, the discussion you make. If you are capable of appreciating the discussion for its own sake, and for seeing its potential and putting effort into making it better -- as a collaborator and an artiste -- well, ****, you're going to make a lot of people really pleased, and eager to have the opportunity speak with you. I think intelligence is correlated with humor.The connection between intelligence and humor is an excellent one, but it's also suspect to me, ever since I read a study that demonstrated that standards of taste are tied to socioeconomic class. (IIRC, the study asked participants questions like: "Which picture would you imagine would have the most potential to be beautiful? * A sunset * A close-up of a flower * A car crash," and found that responses corresponded to income.) It doesn't seem too far off to say that one's sense of humor is something like a standard of one's taste, right? Therefore we can say that someone who has an immense mind but no sense of humor has "no taste". But with the study in mind, that feeling is just the expression of someone not being in your "tribe." It doesn't necessarily mean they won't have significant value to someone else. Not sure how this helps OP, but I thought it was interesting Edited April 19, 2011 by welikeincrowds
thatone Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 the biggest help to the op would be for him to realize that he is not "at the top". someone else will always have more. someone else will always make more. someone else will always want more. someone else will always know more. despite how many people are trying to get there, no one is at the top.
orangelady Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I don't find someone a catch just because they think they are intelligent, they are a tech geek and the list goes on. I find that what matters is whether you have a bond with them and whether you can see yourself being with them. There are lots of 'intelligent' people around but that doesn't mean they are nice people. A lot of people want to look for cute and intelligent folks but never talk about their values or kindness.
orangelady Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 the biggest help to the op would be for him to realize that he is not "at the top". someone else will always have more. someone else will always make more. someone else will always want more. someone else will always know more. despite how many people are trying to get there, no one is at the top. Maybe these lovely and intelligent ladies can hook up with him at the top? Genuinely speaking.
Kamille Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 The connection between intelligence and humor is an excellent one, but it's also suspect to me, ever since I read a study that demonstrated that standards of taste are tied to socioeconomic class. (IIRC, the study asked participants questions like: "Which picture would you imagine would have the most potential to be beautiful? * A sunset * A close-up of a flower * A car crash," and found that responses corresponded to income.) It doesn't seem too far off to say that one's sense of humor is something like a standard of one's taste, right? Therefore we can say that someone who has an immense mind but no sense of humor has "no taste". But with the study in mind, that feeling is just the expression of someone not being in your "tribe." It doesn't necessarily mean they won't have significant value to someone else. Not sure how this helps OP, but I thought it was interesting Bourdieu anyone? (He's a sociologist who studied the links between taste and the reproduction of social classes.) It is a very interesting reflexion, thanks for sharing. Indeed, I remember having a huge argument in one of my classes on this very topic. Students were glorifying my minority ethnic background, discussing what made us "us" and the majority "them". I had dared say that I shared more in common with people of the majority who were also of my social class than with people of a different social class from my own ethnic background. The class was populated by people of my own ethnic background who were scandalized that I would say such a thing. They countered my argument with this: "We have a different sense of humor then they do." To which I replied: "That's exactly my point! I have a different sense of humor than you do." They took it to mean that I was culturally assimilated.
acrossthemiles1 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I am one of those highly educated/high achiever types. My problem is I can not find any women who can relate to me on an intellectual level. Most women I find boring and they find me boring as well. They want to drink/dance, I want to listen to NPR and read. Here's a reality check: you are NOT failing in your romantic life because you are a high achiever. I work in biotech at a small startup company where literally EVERYONE (mostly men in their 30's-50's) has at least one or two PhDs, and I don't know a single one who is struggling to find a partner. Many of them are not the most attractive or socially gregarious individuals either. So, I get riled up when I hear all these so called "high-achieving" men bemoaning their lack of romantic accomplishment and chalking it up to the fact that they like to read/listen to NPR and "all the women I associate with don't." You are either associating with the wrong type of women or you're using your intellect as an excuse to make yourself unavailable. I tried to find an internet link to an interesting study by a sociologist, Bonnie Erickson. She had studied how cultural capital played a role in social mobility within an industry. She had found, not surprisingly, that it was the people with the most diversified type of social capital who advanced the fastest. In other words, it was the people who could talk about football and Middle-East politics who were the most successful at building strong social networks. I think the same holds true in the dating world. The more versatile you are, the easier it will be for you to bond with people. There's a lot to be said for this. I think I have a lot of success in the dating world because I'm so adaptable - and to me, the most attractive potential partners are the ones who are able to navigate a number of different social situations with ease. For instance, the last guy I fell for was a molecular biologist PhD who records trip-hop in his spare time, is a foreign film buff, and can drink most people I know under the table. He can also recite 90's rap lyrics from memory, lol. Similarly, I get comments from guys that they appreciate the fact that I'm able to just chill out and have a few beers and make raunchy jokes, and at the same time discuss the latest Scientific American article, and at the same time coordinate my nail polish color with my outfit. LOL. I think, if nothing else, it puts guys at ease - so often they seem to be expecting a woman to be some strange, esoteric creature from another planet. I really just want to drink Bud and eat hot wings! And then discuss string theory. The connection between intelligence and humor is an excellent one, but it's also suspect to me, ever since I read a study that demonstrated that standards of taste are tied to socioeconomic class. (IIRC, the study asked participants questions like: "Which picture would you imagine would have the most potential to be beautiful? * A sunset * A close-up of a flower * A car crash," and found that responses corresponded to income.) ...Now THAT is a study I would like to read. Very interesting.
thatone Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 There's a lot to be said for this. I think I have a lot of success in the dating world because I'm so adaptable - and to me, the most attractive potential partners are the ones who are able to navigate a number of different social situations with ease. For instance, the last guy I fell for was a molecular biologist PhD who records trip-hop in his spare time, is a foreign film buff, and can drink most people I know under the table. He can also recite 90's rap lyrics from memory, lol. Similarly, I get comments from guys that they appreciate the fact that I'm able to just chill out and have a few beers and make raunchy jokes, and at the same time discuss the latest Scientific American article, and at the same time coordinate my nail polish color with my outfit. LOL. I think, if nothing else, it puts guys at ease - so often they seem to be expecting a woman to be some strange, esoteric creature from another planet. I really just want to drink Bud and eat hot wings! And then discuss string theory. you're exactly right.
Irishlove Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 He never came back to his post? He can't be too bright if he has to purchase escorts. He's picking up the wrong books. I think he just THINKS he is too bright.
welikeincrowds Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 ...Now THAT is a study I would like to read. Very interesting. Kamille's right, it's Bourdieu. Good luck!
Ruby Slippers Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I have always found really smart men, but the truth is I'm usually smarter than them, and though they say they love this at first, eventually they get insecure and start talking crazy about how they're not good enough for me. This evening, I am going to a free science lecture. I'm hoping I meet a sweet, cute, slightly nerdy science guy there. But if not, I'll still get to hear what should be a very cool lecture.
Kamille Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 ...Now THAT is a study I would like to read. Very interesting. Kamille's right, it's Bourdieu. Good luck! No wonder we get along WLIC. This article, Anything but Heavy Metal, by Bethany Bryson compares tastes in music and shows how musical tastes is used to legitimate social boundaries. She shows, like Erickson, that individuals with more social mobility tend to have broader taste in music.
daphne Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 This has been a very odd crowd on this thread. From the opinionated, judgemental, defensive responses to Alex's advice to "beware of the old women." I think they've passed expiration so they must know nothing. Kamille's right, it's Bourdieu. Good luck! And you know you're a nerd when you look up a boring book and see that you might enjoy reading it. (I mean me btw.)
SmileFace Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 And you know you're a nerd when you look up a boring book and see that you might enjoy reading it. (I mean me btw.) How can something you enjoy, be boring?
welikeincrowds Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 And you know you're a nerd when you look up a boring book and see that you might enjoy reading it. ...god **** it, yeah, dammit, you're rig-- (I mean me btw.) oh! oh yeah, totally
ChessPieceFace Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I am one of those highly educated/high achiever types. My problem is I can not find any women who can relate to me on an intellectual level. Most women I find boring and they find me boring as well. They want to drink/dance, I want to listen to NPR and read. As a result I spend most of my time alone or with male friends similar to me. I meet my sexual needs by seeing escorts. But I want to know what it feels like to love someone and be loved. Nice. I'm in the same boat in terms of intellect. I made a similar thread which tried to ask advice from my peers (if any intellectual peers were out there on the forums) and instead got 15 pages of hate from people who resented my question and my implication that I could possibly be better than them in any way, even while I was coming right out and listing my failings at the same time. Anyway, if you're meeting women at clubs, it's no wonder you're meeting women who want to drink and dance. That's kind of a problem for those of us who hate drinking and dancing, don't you think? Imagine in an alternate universe if most people were forced to meet people at chess or video-game tournaments because that was the thing to do, and they hated chess or video-games. Shows how ludicrous the whole thing is. I've never been with an "escort" and I find the whole concept really sad. No offense, but I mean if I didn't have working hands maybe I could see the point. As it is, I don't get it. What's the point of meaningless sex? I can have that for free by myself, more or less. I guess I should thank my fertile imagination ... You seem to have come to the same conclusion, you want to be loved and for sex to actually mean something. Many people here are down on online dating. I dunno, I can see their points but at the same time I wouldn't totally discount it. I'm sure there are women who, while maybe not being your intellectual equal, could be a lot more compatible with you than the club girls you mention. I know some pretty shy and smart girls IRL who would never go to clubs. How to meet them... kind of difficult but not impossible. Apply your high intellect to the problem, I'm sure you could figure it out.
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