DarkAngel7 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Okay this might sound really nuts to some...I have never actually felt this way until more recently. I was seeing a guy and he had been through a lot with his ex(they broke up over a year ago). I kind of pried and got out a lot of info. He put up with a lot from her from what I hear. When things weren't going right I started to question if he still wanted her. All I knew about her was that she was Colombian. Those women are said to be very beautiful, although it is ignorant to say a whole country is ugly or beautiful. I live in Miami and I see that yes not all of them are. I guess since my bf is very attractive I thought she must be one of those really exotic beauties... He has always, since day one told me he thought I was beautiful...and it is obvious he truly thinks so. I guess I got upset. Let me clarify I am Persian. I have black hair, light brown skin, kind of honey brown eyes, petite in good shape, good hygiene, etc. I am not trying to brag or make myself sound good, it is just that I am trying to figure out if I am crazy...I am told all the time that I am beautiful/gorgeous and very exotic/unique looking. My features aren't the standard american beauty features. I have big catish eyes(typical of persians) full lips and a decent nose lol. I finally found a pic of his ex, and i was kind of heartbroken. Is she prettier than me? I have no damn clue, he says "hell no". He kept emphasizing how much better my body was, which made me think i was a butterface lol. I asked and he said yea you didn't let me finsh, your face too. Something makes me feel I can't compete with her. She has what I feel people would appreciate more. Green eyes, lighter skin(basically white with a slight tan), small nose, dimples, dyed lighter hair. Basically she looks more caucasian than I do. Am I crazy? I never even know I had such an inferiority complex when it comes to race...I basically grew up with all White americans and those were my best friends. They always complimented me for being different and beautiful, but now I feel jealous. I feel like a man would rather marry that type, and girls like me are the sexual and passionate flings. What is wrong with me? Do men feel this way??? I mean in no way has he demonstrated this to me, it is my own thought. Of course if he said that I would be out in a heartbeat. Why the heck do I feel this way??? Please help.
Author DarkAngel7 Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 btw I mentioned this to my therapist... She told me I was nuts. She said first of all you are attractive,and very intelligent. Why would you think this way? She then asked me an interesting question "what would you do if his ex girlfriend was miss world" Basically if his ex had that title, it would be confirmed that the world sees her as more attractive than me. Would it matter? My therapist said it shouldn't at all... Especially because I know how nasty/crazy his ex was. She became an escort(yes prostitute). On top of that she cheated on him and tried to physicall abuse him, stalked him, etc.
confusedangel312 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 theres nothing wrong with you at all!! youre like 99% of women lol im the same way myself.. always second guessing why a guy was with me, or thought i was attractive-even when i dont/didnt. some of the most beautiful people in the world can be horrible people.. its how you carry yourself as a woman that matters IMO.
orangelady Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Okay this might sound really nuts to some...I have never actually felt this way until more recently. I was seeing a guy and he had been through a lot with his ex(they broke up over a year ago). I kind of pried and got out a lot of info. He put up with a lot from her from what I hear. When things weren't going right I started to question if he still wanted her. All I knew about her was that she was Colombian. Those women are said to be very beautiful, although it is ignorant to say a whole country is ugly or beautiful. I live in Miami and I see that yes not all of them are. I guess since my bf is very attractive I thought she must be one of those really exotic beauties... He has always, since day one told me he thought I was beautiful...and it is obvious he truly thinks so. I guess I got upset. Let me clarify I am Persian. I have black hair, light brown skin, kind of honey brown eyes, petite in good shape, good hygiene, etc. I am not trying to brag or make myself sound good, it is just that I am trying to figure out if I am crazy...I am told all the time that I am beautiful/gorgeous and very exotic/unique looking. My features aren't the standard american beauty features. I have big catish eyes(typical of persians) full lips and a decent nose lol. I finally found a pic of his ex, and i was kind of heartbroken. Is she prettier than me? I have no damn clue, he says "hell no". He kept emphasizing how much better my body was, which made me think i was a butterface lol. I asked and he said yea you didn't let me finsh, your face too. Something makes me feel I can't compete with her. She has what I feel people would appreciate more. Green eyes, lighter skin(basically white with a slight tan), small nose, dimples, dyed lighter hair. Basically she looks more caucasian than I do. Am I crazy? I never even know I had such an inferiority complex when it comes to race...I basically grew up with all White americans and those were my best friends. They always complimented me for being different and beautiful, but now I feel jealous. I feel like a man would rather marry that type, and girls like me are the sexual and passionate flings. What is wrong with me? Do men feel this way??? I mean in no way has he demonstrated this to me, it is my own thought. Of course if he said that I would be out in a heartbeat. Why the heck do I feel this way??? Please help. You sound really insecure about yourself. Everyone will tend to find someone 'better' than you or better than that someone else. Unfortunately, being beautiful and intelligent is not enough to keep someone that you may like. If you talk about beauty and intelligence, there are so many more girls that are equally, if not MORE beautiful and intelligent than you. So what are you going to do about it? And you can't beat yourself up asking why...that's life. It just happens. I suggest you try to direct your thoughts on other things other than your ex or beauty or men or relationships. Those are the worst places to have your thoughts lying around in...
Feelin Frisky Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 You're not "nuts". But you are pre-occupied with concerns you can't change that are not healthful. You are what you are. And if you are what you say, you have a great deal to be happy about. I'm 6-2" tall with blue eyes and everything should be easy for me. But it's not because I have a compulsive eating problem that gets the better of me from time to time and I suffer with weight issues. You may take images from other people an just assume everything is easy for them. But you don't know their private struggles and worries and what they have to do to appear "normal". If you are blessed with good looks, health and nothing like the awful weight problem I suffer with then count your lucky stars and be grateful. There is nothing "less beautiful" about not being of European ancestry. Brown skin is as precious as any and more precious than a lot. Good luck.
Author DarkAngel7 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 Thank you for your words, very true about not comparing yourself. With that mentality, someone will always "out do" me. Of course. Plus there is a such thing as taste. Some men adore blondes, while others prefer brunettes. It doesn't mean one is uglier than the other...I get that I guess the thing is, I haven't decided if she is better than me. You know what I mean? It's not like I found a photo of candice swanpoel... she is not a super star. What worries me isn't the fact that she may or may not be "prettier" but the RACIAL aspect of it all. I didn't expect her to have such "light" features. I am persian, and as you know we vary from blondes with light eyes to olive tanish colors. I have never had a problem with this, but I felt inferior JUST because this girl has light eyes, hair , skin. It wasn't necessarily that I felt her features were way better just because they were, but because they were more "white" than i expected...make any sense? I guess I thought she would be more dark featured, but it threw me off that she looks so different than me. He was with her for 4 years, so I got insecure. I have talked with other girls like myself, and yes a lot of guys think we are some exotic creature, more for sexual pleasure. I feel like we don't get the image of the good girl. Also the guy I am dating his light featured, and maybe this made me think he secretly prefers that. It sounds really gross, especially because I have always been proud of my heritage. It's just society kind of promotes these sort of ideas...
Author DarkAngel7 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 You're not "nuts". But you are pre-occupied with concerns you can't change that are not healthful. You are what you are. And if you are what you say, you have a great deal to be happy about. I'm 6-2" tall with blue eyes and everything should be easy for me. But it's not because I have a compulsive eating problem that gets the better of me from time to time and I suffer with weight issues. You may take images from other people an just assume everything is easy for them. But you don't know their private struggles and worries and what they have to do to appear "normal". If you are blessed with good looks, health and nothing like the awful weight problem I suffer with then count your lucky stars and be grateful. There is nothing "less beautiful" about not being of European ancestry. Brown skin is as precious as any and more precious than a lot. Good luck. Wow, thanks for your perspective.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Okay this might sound really nuts to some...I have never actually felt this way until more recently. I was seeing a guy and he had been through a lot with his ex(they broke up over a year ago). I kind of pried and got out a lot of info. He put up with a lot from her from what I hear. When things weren't going right I started to question if he still wanted her. All I knew about her was that she was Colombian. Those women are said to be very beautiful, although it is ignorant to say a whole country is ugly or beautiful. I live in Miami and I see that yes not all of them are. I guess since my bf is very attractive I thought she must be one of those really exotic beauties... He has always, since day one told me he thought I was beautiful...and it is obvious he truly thinks so. I guess I got upset. Let me clarify I am Persian. I have black hair, light brown skin, kind of honey brown eyes, petite in good shape, good hygiene, etc. I am not trying to brag or make myself sound good, it is just that I am trying to figure out if I am crazy...I am told all the time that I am beautiful/gorgeous and very exotic/unique looking. My features aren't the standard american beauty features. I have big catish eyes(typical of persians) full lips and a decent nose lol. I finally found a pic of his ex, and i was kind of heartbroken. Is she prettier than me? I have no damn clue, he says "hell no". He kept emphasizing how much better my body was, which made me think i was a butterface lol. I asked and he said yea you didn't let me finsh, your face too. Something makes me feel I can't compete with her. She has what I feel people would appreciate more. Green eyes, lighter skin(basically white with a slight tan), small nose, dimples, dyed lighter hair. Basically she looks more caucasian than I do. Am I crazy? I never even know I had such an inferiority complex when it comes to race...I basically grew up with all White americans and those were my best friends. They always complimented me for being different and beautiful, but now I feel jealous. I feel like a man would rather marry that type, and girls like me are the sexual and passionate flings. What is wrong with me? Do men feel this way??? I mean in no way has he demonstrated this to me, it is my own thought. Of course if he said that I would be out in a heartbeat. Why the heck do I feel this way??? Please help. Wow, such honest and interesting thoughts. I don't find any of your concerns to be outlandish... but the way you seem to have been hit hard during (what I assume is) adulthood by these thoughts may tell a story. IF, while living in America, you have only now REEEEEALLY been 'hit' by these concerns in a new and unique light, then it suggests that you have made it quite a long while in life withOUT having been made to REEEEally feel self-conscious about your heritage. (that would be a good thing) Also, IF you had been given that image OF the Colombian ex, to carry around in your mind (without a photo) for a long while... and THEN came to find that she was 'whiter' than you thought... SOME of your reaction is more to the mere SURPRISE, than it is to her being a lighter shade. It is a mark of personal strength and of good common sense for you to realize that to bring a prominent natural variation to a whole society of mostly-white, considerably-hispanic populace should work to your advantage in the human attraction arena. Because North American eyes aren't 'conditioned' to see "Persian" colors walking around the next corner very often, you will be 'noticed' and said to stand-out rather nicely. So just take that and run with it... and realize that men looking for tall redheads with fair skin just won't show much interest... (and you're OK with that)
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