I have now realised what i have done wrong....too late . Shes gone

[harvs]

My girlfriend of 4 years has left me.

Up untill a month ago we lived together. we had to move back to our parents to save money as the rent and bills were killing us. our relationship has been up and down and has been amazing at times and not great at others. She is gorgeous, funny and amazing.. tonight i realised why shes left..i was a horrible person to be with. things were happening that i just did not realise. I did not treat her with respect, i caused arguments which i didnt need to , i basically took the piss. i love her so so much and learning that i am the reason for her being so unhappy and un-loved is all my fault kills me. Only now i see that all those things that went on were wrong and that it was me not her. In the last few weeks ive started to change a few things about myself. I have a new job, new car, i want her back to show how i could never do these things to her again. she tells me that shes too hurt and unhappy at the moment to even considder a second chance. im a really nice guy but i had it all, took libertys, got too comfortable and i took my eye off the ball. The first 3 years were so good, but the last year in the flat killed us. money troubles, arguments, no space, no respect. I used to be the guy who had it all and just self destructed everything. Now im the guy who has nothing. I have started and will continue to change things for the better for ME . im26 and if i carry on ill be 30 and have nothing and nobody. I cant even watch t.v without seeing a girl or couple reminding me of her..it so painfull but i know that it had to happen. i want to get her back, but not untill im back to my best because i never want to hurt her again. Im just so scared of never getting her back. She told me she loves me still. so it hurts so much more that weve broken up.

 

the guy who had it all and lost it all. Because he didnt see the damage he was doing.

 

Every day i hope.

 

Thanks for reading

Edited April 17, 2011 by harvs
forgot an important point

[PeteNJ89]

Wow, reading what u wrote makes it seem like I wrote it. I got dumped after 2 years and realized im in how much i messed up and how i think i can change too. But after 2 years the girl still is heartless and ignores me. Its been over a month and i still find it hard to move on. Do your best man, good luck..

[Irishlove]

Could you speak to her? It's only been a month so honey I hate to tell you but you haven't changed. You may be recognizing what you were doing but now you need counseling to find out WHY you were doing those distructive things, or...they will happen over and over. Get yourself better. If anything ask her to hold on while you get help so it doesn't repeat itself. She has every right to say no and good bye

[mysticmeg1]

Its only natural for couples to fight like this..living together if very stressful, your under each others feet all the time and when things go wrong you turn to each other blowing off steam.

 

In my expeirence living with my boyfriend for a few months was more than enough...i saw a preview of what our relationship was about to turn into it was awful i couldn't handle him and saw him in a different light so i moved back home..(The best thing i could of done) as we were on the verge of going are seperate ways! i told him i just needed my own space a while we clearly were not ready to cohabit and he agreed!

 

Our time apart gave us a chance to realise how much we cared for each other..and how stupid our arguments seemed.

the point im trying to make is give your girlfriend space let her think about how things were before, it doesn't matter what type of job or car you have you yourself have to prove that you will do what it takes to get her back and i don't mean showering her with gifts.. talk to her tell he you now see your faults and you realised the pain you caused her its not her fault things went wrong when ye were living together!!

 

living together is hard work don't do it unless one's ready..not only is it inportant to be financially secure but also that ye two accept each others flaws

[harvs]

thanks for reply. the new car is due to us sharing one when we were together and that caused serious strain and new job cus i couldnt afford to live there anymore..so these changes are good for me and i hope she can see im doing something about it. This all happened around 2 weeks ago after moving out..shes still hurt and cant see any change in future. but she said shes not looking into future , just now..of course i know what ive done now so even harder for me to go day to day without any progress. ill give her space and time, helps chatting on here tho.

 

thanks guys

[Candi-Anne]

You'll get her back notice shes still actually talking to you. I broke up with my boyfriend few months ago because I felt he was pushing me away and not giving me what I needed, I felt if gave him time to realise, He would gradually change by himself as nagging did not work. I never actually wanted to move on but I did date other people ect. I believed this would make him change quicker but deep down inside I was still waiting for him to change (never anything serious with anyone else). After a few months he turned up at my door with a big speech showing all the stuff he had changed (new job, more hours etc) I got back with him and you know... he really HAS changed, he gives me everything I need now Good Luck! x

[mysticmeg1]

thanks for reply. the new car is due to us sharing one when we were together and that caused serious strain and new job cus i couldnt afford to live there anymore..so these changes are good for me and i hope she can see im doing something about it. This all happened around 2 weeks ago after moving out..shes still hurt and cant see any change in future. but she said shes not looking into future , just now..of course i know what ive done now so even harder for me to go day to day without any progress. ill give her space and time, helps chatting on here tho.

 

thanks guys

 

 

if you find your not making any progress..(it may sound silly), but about a year ago my bf cheated on me i was devastated and couldn't bare seeing him let alone talk to him!!

he never gave up on trying to get me back... even though i wouldn't talk to him,so he started writing me letters(odd isn'it it:)! he didn't just post them to me he left them places where we used to love hanging out..and text me to let me know where he had hidden them..he told me later on that he always used to go back to see of i had taken the letter and if the letter was gone he knew there was still hope for us! because if i didnt care i wouldn't of bother going to collect it!

 

he also said the letters gave him chance to say what he really wanted to he was never great at given speech's,

You should try doing this./ i mean as angry i was at him for cheating i couldn't resist reading the letters ,i read them everyday over and over and they lead me back to him...

[harvs]

broke nc today...gave her a letter saying how amazing she is, how sorry i was and that i was devestated that i hurt her so much . Someone i love this much. how things are changing for me for the good and how ill always be here and always love her.. a few memories of good times aswell.

 

she txt me later saying thank you, shes glad im ok, and that it was emotional to read but made her smile also. She said that i can write again as she likes to know how im doing and said we would speak soon.. She noticed a new tattoo when i gave her the letter and said it looked nice, as i left i gave her a kiss on the cheek and she did too.

 

every day i miss her. its so hard. im a better person for the break up but its so difficult knowing i may never get her back.

 

Help!!

[Overseer]

I broke up with my girlfriend 2 days ago.... and about 16 days before that or so, now the first time we managed to stay apart for about 3 days, we met up, talked and got back together.

 

The thing is, I focused on everything I did wrong in the relationship. I was blinded by it so much and I beat myself up over it so much that I was just blinded from the truth by my own self torment. So, I said I'll change all of these things and she should just stay as amazing as she is.

 

To cut a long story short, I did change everything, I changed a lot, it isn't hard to do most of the time but when we got back together, I began to realize it wasn't just me causing the problems, I started to notice her flaws and really thought about them, just like I did to myself beforehand, in the end she flipped at me for nothing, I actually didn't know what was going on, she came back and tried to apologize but I didn't accept it, I realized I was sick of being her emotional punch bag.

 

All I'm going to say is, make sure you don't make the mistake I did of falling back into a relationship that you shouldn't be in because you're blinded by your own mistakes.

 

If she really is as amazing as you're saying, carry on as you are, otherwise, think twice.

[harvs]

she told me today that she still loves me, i was a huge part of her life and she cant just stop loving or caring for me . said she dosent want to give me false hope. does that mean no hope?? i said id never give up on her and im going solid nc for a while to let us heal. And i said the person she says she gave a chance too in the past was the person i had become, a horrible boyfried, not the person i am today. I asked her to only reply to the txt if she needed to otherwise please dont. NO REPLY. so this could be the start of us healing individually to one day have another chance or the start of it never happening. our best friends are a couple also so she hears everything i do. NC will be hard but has to happen. I hope and pray that its true that time will heal the pain. And we can start again sum day.