Lost in Love 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Hey everyone, I am not a new memeber just changed my name so nothing gets revealed. I am so confused. My friends don't have any answers for me... On and off relationship for almost 2 years. We have been strong for months now. However, there is this girl that he was just "friends" with while we were apart. She had serious love for him, but he claims the feelings were not mutual because of me. He also said nothing happened between them, but my friends told me otherwise. When we got back together, I told him I would not stand for their friendship because of her feelings. He completely understood. We both agreed to move ahead and forget the past. (It was hard because I felt that he left me for her.) They work together... so of course he's going to see her and talk to her, no biggie. He promised me that since he laid things on the line with her, that she has not tried anything. We live in a small town and everyone knows everyones business. My friend told me that a few nights ago she was blowing his phone up and he told her he was with me and to stop texting and he'll talk to her later. Now I want to look through his phone and I want to punch her... but I am more grown up than that. 2 days prior, he had promised me that she hasn't texted or called. But she told people she did and she was kind of humiliated how he shut her out... My questions... why did he lie? And how do I deal with this girl when she clearly still wants him?
Confusedwheretogo Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 If you know that he lied, you should talk to him and ask him why he feels the need to hide things from you. It's your boyfriend's responsibility to let this girl know that there is no possibility for any romantic relationship between them. I don't think there is any way they can stay friends if she has feelings for him, and he should let her know that as well. You shouldn't feel like you have to take it upon yourself to deal with this girl.
Author Lost in Love 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 Thanks confused... I don't think he's able to convey his feelings towards her for either one of two reasons: 1. He may have mutual feelings... or 2. He just wants to avoid any awkwardness at the work place. I just hate the lies. If I confront him of my knowledge he will demand to know the source and there goes the drama. So I am screwed over on this one I think.
Movingthrough Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 He may have lied because maybe nothing happened that really meant anything. He cant control if she calls so if she calls and nothing happens, yet he knows it pisses you off, then he might not want to say anything. Not saying its right but overall i would tell him that you dont want her around (like you have) and he needs to make the effort to make that happen even more then he is.
Author Lost in Love 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 I know this sounds oh so immature. I reread it and I feel like a 12 year old wrote it. I would never hold a current relationship accountable for things that ex's did to me, but the feeling is oh so familiar. It's hard to trust when it's so easy to lie and cheat. Of course we all tell little white lies, but I feel if I ask you something to your face, and you straight up lie... you're a liar, and scared to face consequences of the truth. Which in turn makes you a weak person that isn't good at handling the trials of life. Maybe in some sense, I really don't want to know the whole truth.
mysticmeg1 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 your not being immature at all! you have every right to ask all the questions you need.( this is just an example im not comparing to your relationship!) alot of my friends have had relationships fail because of a situation like this they feel threatned by some girl, and instead of having it out with their bf because thier too afraid of pushing them away...they end up torturing themselves wondering what is going on..how will i get hold of his phone ect ect.. talk to him; ask him how would he feel if it was the other way around and some guy was after you..i bet he wouldn't be happy about that! you need to show your man no girl is coming between you and him.. i think myself you are being totally mature about this and as for the girl i think you and your boyfriend should both approach her together! and tell her to back off she's only making herself loodk desperate and stupid.
Author Lost in Love 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 your not being immature at all! you have every right to ask all the questions you need.( this is just an example im not comparing to your relationship!) alot of my friends have had relationships fail because of a situation like this they feel threatned by some girl, and instead of having it out with their bf because thier too afraid of pushing them away...they end up torturing themselves wondering what is going on..how will i get hold of his phone ect ect.. talk to him; ask him how would he feel if it was the other way around and some guy was after you..i bet he wouldn't be happy about that! you need to show your man no girl is coming between you and him.. i think myself you are being totally mature about this and as for the girl i think you and your boyfriend should both approach her together! and tell her to back off she's only making herself loodk desperate and stupid. Thank you so much. Helpful replies from all. I think that he thinks the less I know the better... I almost obsess over this girl, but like you said...I don't want to push him away and I just torture myself. I am guessing it didn't work out between your friends and their relationships? He actually gets defensive and mad if I bring her up. I just feel so stuck.
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