Jerrica Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 okay so....more news on my end......I'll try to make this short... before I give the update, I'll re-state that HE broke up with ME. we have been having communication initiated by him to get the last of his things....yesterday however, it turned into a huge fight! he asked me for 200 bucks and we'd call it even between the stuff we had bought together. I couldn't believe after all he put me through, cheating, lying, abuse he would ask me for a 200 bucks. I said I'd give it to him, but after everything couldn't believe he was making a fuss over 200 bucks. he replied with, fine whatever we'll call it even you f*ckin c*nt. Really? Was that necessary? I said I couldn't take part in this convo and I had to go. Bye. he replied yet again and said, well have fun slutting it up because that's what women like you do. I laughed at this.....I told him ya haha because going to a movie is by far the sluttiest thing ever, I really have to get off my phone so plz don't reply. AGAIN he says "why? is your boyfriend wondering who you are texting? you retard." he then threatened to bring the cops to my place and get a restraining order? asked if that would make things easier? I was like make WHAT easier?? he said the future, I don't want to hate you but you bring out the worst in me. This is what upset me finally, I said sorry, if you want to hate me then hate me, but I DID love you and will never hate you. have a good night. He replied saying f*ck off. I asked why he was being so mean as I didn't do anything, he said sorry I'm not a nice person. that was that, he came to get the last of his stuff this morning, I hid in my room as I didn't want to see him. I honestly did NOTHING to this man but love him, he hurt me numerous times and now hates me?? To ask me for 200 bucks, does he not remember at all the things he did to me??? I don't want him to hate me, I'd like to end on good terms but it just seems impossible with him. I even talked to his mom about it, she says he acts this way because he has ADHD, is she excusing his behavior? I want him back or the old version of him anyways, when he was nice and sweet.
Lost in Love 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Sooo frustrating. I hate to hear they way he talks to you. My boyfriend does that when we fight or breakup. It's like even if you are perfect, he still has to cut you up and degrade you. And yes, his mother is just making excuses for him being a d-bag. Even if he has a mental illness, he should still know when he's being incredibably hurtful. Just don't stoop to his level, and begin NC as soon as possible. Stay away and find someone that will treat you the way you treat them. This guy has some issues to work out. He may come to terms once he realizes that he lost you... but by then, you may be over it. And trust me, he's not worried about 200 bucks. He's just trying to stay in communication with you... very egotistical!
Author Jerrica Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 well it's almost been 2 months, and I have kept no contact other than pertaining to his getting his things, which he would maybe text me once a week to ask about when he can come. Is that not enough time to miss someone? I fear that if he's so egotistical, even if he does miss me dearly he would never admit to it. It's like he would rather hate me, and has forgotten all the rotten things he did to me, now I'm the bad guy that he hates! Yet I didn't do anything.....I don't understand. I don't want to be hated by him How can I change it? so we can be on good terms? Is 200 dollars REALLY a good enough reason to go off calling me names? Do you think his hate might mean there are still feelings there? Please let me know any thoughts any of you may have
PelicanPete Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 My ex rapidly changed after the breakup. Not aggressive like yours, but she turned careless and self centered. I was upset by this, I missed the old her. Trying to get her to change back was painful and unsuccessful. She was gone, at least the girl I fell in love with. She was just wearing a mask the whole relationship. It is out of your control whether he hates you or not. You can't control his thoughts, nor do you know what he's thinking. The best thing you can do is analyze your behavior and emotions as to why he is acting this way. You can't guarantee good terms, anything you do now will just push him away for get him angrier. It is ultimately up to him. How did you guys break up? Did you cheat or something, and he found out and broke up with you? Him mentioning about your boyfriend wondering who you are texting made me ask. Depending on what happened I may be bitter myself.
Author Jerrica Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 Pete - I loved him VERY much, I never did anything to hurt him EVER. He however did hurt me many times. He cheated on me (emotionally) once and abused me (physical a couple times and LOTS of emotional). He also was caught lying many many times. However I was nothing but good to him, even bought us tickets to Monster Jam before I went on a trip to Jamaica. Few days after I got back from my trip he ended it with me after I caught him in another lie. Can you believe it? I caught him in a lie and then he breaks up with me. I guess he got tired of hurting me and seeing me upset all the time! His ultimate reason was "lost interest" "don't want a relationship anymore". I was a wonderful girlfriend to him and probably even loved him TOO much and put up with TOO much. throughout the breakup I have seen him go from overly nice, to plain cold hearted a-hole to nice again, then back to hate and anger. SO if he broke up with ME and hurt ME he should be the one being nice and not ask me for a SINGLE thing let alone a measly 200 bucks. But no, he makes a big stink over 200 dollars, and treats me like dirt and hurts ME. How is that even fair? I should be the one who hates him, but I still only have love for the guy and he doesn't see it....
Johnny85 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Physical abuse= a big no no!! Find a guy who will appreciate you, Jerrica. You seem like a very genuine and sweet person; you can do so much better than him:)
IfiKnewThen Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 he sounds sooo erratic like he is on drugs!!! (seriously sounds like it) and to have a temper like that.... you are almost lucky that there is so much wrong with him you can rationalize and tell yourself how much BETTER off you are without this loser. save yourself. give him back his things from a distance and run!
marqueemoon4 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 he sounds like a mean SOB cut all ties, please.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Hi Jerrica, I've been following your posts. I must say that you come off as a very strong woman, regardless of how you feel right now. Your ex is an abuser and unless he gets help he is not going to change. If he was abusive at times in the relationship then that is definitely not good. There's a pattern with abusers as they can be abusive and then be sweet and caring for long periods of time. But, they will always go back to the abusive patterns. Right now he is angry because instead of you begging for him to come back, you asked him to come and get his things. Which is what you should have done. Abusers are use to having a mental control over their victims and it sounds as if he had this with you in the past because he could be abusive, cheat emotionally, and you stayed. Over time the abuse will get worse and worse. Continue to show him your strength and continue to stay away from him, no matter what he says or does. If he finds that he cannot weaken you with the verbal abuse he may begin with the sweet stuff. Abusers know their game. YOU DESERVE MUCH BETTER!!
hunk Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I honestly don't understand why women stay with guys like this, and then try and justify it somehow to themselves. It's right in front of your eyes, your future with this guy, a huge flashing neon sign showing you what you're going to get. Stop deluding yourself, this guy's an absolute immature spastic who's years behind in social development. Go find yourself a real man and stop wasting your time on this child.
IfiKnewThen Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I honestly don't understand why women stay with guys like this, and then try and justify it somehow to themselves. It's right in front of your eyes, your future with this guy, a huge flashing neon sign showing you what you're going to get. Stop deluding yourself, this guy's an absolute immature spastic who's years behind in social development. Go find yourself a real man and stop wasting your time on this child. yeppers:bunny:
Author Jerrica Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 Thanks guys, everything is exactly what I need to hear! I am trying to be strong but he is very good at sucking me back in and making me feel like the way he acts is because of me and I'm to blame for it. SO often when he does this I need a reality check from others on the outside as to how irrational his behavior truly is! Sometimes when you're in the situation it's very hard to see/believe it, and you even start to believe the abuser just a little bit. So thanks all for smacking me out of it!!! NC all the way!
IfiKnewThen Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 wheww. hang in there. continue to be strong. we all know you love him, but love should not hurt like this. please please be stong. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
SingVoice Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I honestly don't understand why women stay with guys like this, and then try and justify it somehow to themselves. It's right in front of your eyes, your future with this guy, a huge flashing neon sign showing you what you're going to get. Stop deluding yourself, this guy's an absolute immature spastic who's years behind in social development. Go find yourself a real man and stop wasting your time on this child. Ok I have to comment on this because I was in a similar situation. Abuse is a very vicious cycle...and you can't ever understand it unless you are in it. What the man does to you usually is make you feel like it's all YOUR fault. And even the strongest woman alive eventually starts to believe that on some level. Its the biggest kind of manipulation EVER. And what happens usually is that he does the abuse...afterwords he CRIES...he BEGS...he PLEADS...he promises to get help...to change. And you believe him...because you want to. And because when you love someone you stick by them. When you are in love with someone...you want to help them. And you want things to work out. THAT is why there are so many people on here who were treated like crap but still want their exes back. Whether it was abuse, cheating, or just not appreciating. Being far out of my situation...I have learned to recognize the signs of anger problems and abuse. But I didn't know them before until it was too late. Abuse can be VERY manipulative...and sometimes you don't even REALIZE what is going on until way after. SO for anyone who is saying "oh come on just leave blah blah" it is not so black and white. Why do you think there are SO much information out there about domestic abuse??? It isn't black and white.
SingVoice Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 And Jerrica...you ABSOLUTELY need to go NC with him...FOREVER. AND MAKE IT STICK NO MATTER WHAT. He is still trying to manipulate you...threatening to get a restraining order on YOU when HE abused YOU?!?!?! Seriously!?!?!? Don't give him the $200. He is trying to control you and see if he can still get you to do what he wants. I know this is SO hard for you...you HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO go NC with him. Its been 2 months...and you should be sooooo much further along in the healing...but he won't let you. Be strong...and I can't WAIT to hear in a couple months how much clarity you have gotten and how you realize how much better off you are.
silvermane187 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 wow this guy sounds like a huge scumbag. Consider yourself lucky that you got out. You need to go complete NC, this includes talking to his family and friends, and if he continues to contact you you need to threaten him that you will go to the police. Honestly the way he has and is treating you is not acceptable.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Watch "The Burning Bed" with Farrah Faucett. Not all are abusive on this level, but any level is to much to tolerate. It is a viscous cycle and a persons self esteem is completely chipped away at, a tiny bit at a time. Abusers know exactly how to do it.
Author Jerrica Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 just an update on this situation.... my ex made me feel so bad, telling me I bring out the worst in him and everything, I ended up leaving him a check for 200 bucks on the counter for when he came.....I just didn't want him to hate me After I told my family and friends I did that, they got angry and said that he does NOT deserve the money AT ALL and I should put a stop payment on the check. I did, and felt better after I did it because he can't just always get whatever he wants out of me!!! I guess he tried to cash it..........and I got a text threatening to sue me for the money along with his overdraft interest charges and court fees.....I told him good luck, I told him "you cheated on me, used me and abused me. You put nothing into this relationship you should leave it with nothing." Of course he doesn't think dating his ex behind my back is cheating since they didn't screw. Anyways, these were his very last texts to me and not sure what to think of them..... "I never cheated on you, you stupid B!tch. I put lots in the relationship. Sorry it's hard for me to show you how hurt I was. I bottle stuff up. Always have and you know that. But do you really think I cheated? God you are stupid." I didn't reply, 20 minutes later I get another text "I'm sorry you think I cheated on you, but I didn't and the thought never even crossed my mind. But you're right, I guess I don't deserve anything so we'll leave it at that. Bye, XXXXXX" I also didn't reply to that, do you think he is being sincere? I'm feeling a little bad but don't know if he's being manipulative or actually sincere?
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 you gotta admit you would have loved to see his face when he found out he couldn't cash the check...i can see the steam coming out his ears from here
9Lives Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 just an update on this situation.... my ex made me feel so bad, telling me I bring out the worst in him and everything, I ended up leaving him a check for 200 bucks on the counter for when he came.....I just didn't want him to hate me After I told my family and friends I did that, they got angry and said that he does NOT deserve the money AT ALL and I should put a stop payment on the check. I did, and felt better after I did it because he can't just always get whatever he wants out of me!!! I guess he tried to cash it..........and I got a text threatening to sue me for the money along with his overdraft interest charges and court fees.....I told him good luck, I told him "you cheated on me, used me and abused me. You put nothing into this relationship you should leave it with nothing." Of course he doesn't think dating his ex behind my back is cheating since they didn't screw. Anyways, these were his very last texts to me and not sure what to think of them..... "I never cheated on you, you stupid B!tch. I put lots in the relationship. Sorry it's hard for me to show you how hurt I was. I bottle stuff up. Always have and you know that. But do you really think I cheated? God you are stupid." I didn't reply, 20 minutes later I get another text "I'm sorry you think I cheated on you, but I didn't and the thought never even crossed my mind. But you're right, I guess I don't deserve anything so we'll leave it at that. Bye, XXXXXX" I also didn't reply to that, do you think he is being sincere? I'm feeling a little bad but don't know if he's being manipulative or actually sincere? He is running his usual hot and cold method on you. He has no right to call you out your name and that alone is enough to let you know, you need to step away from him. You are actually part of his problem too cause you are letting him continue to treat you so bad. This guy just tried to get 200 from you...called you a bitch....and is lying saying he didnt cheat. It is all about him.
Author Jerrica Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 How am I part of his problem? I don't let him treat me badly anymore, hence why I stopped replying....if I kept replying he'd continue to run off his mouth. What else can I do besides just not reply and not give him the money? Go to the cops? Funny how it SO is all about him though hey? Like, instead of "I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you, you deserve so much better and I wish you the best" he goes on the defensive, is it THAT hard for guys to swallow their pride? So selfish....or maybe it's just the guys I choose...
IfiKnewThen Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 listen to your gut. that inner voice, that whispers to you. its trying to warn you, i think
Author Jerrica Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 oh yes, my gut and mind is SCREAMING at me, I think it has been for awhile. But my heart still shuts out my logic sometimes, my heart misses him and loves him but my mind knows I can never be happy with him and I can do better. If only there was a way to shut out what our heart wants, how easy would that make everything? My ex has ADHD and anti-social personality disorder (ASPD), sometimes I envy him for having this because it would be so relieving to just shut off your feelings, not care about anything but your own needs. I don't think these people are capable of love, empathy or remorse.
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