6 Years down the tubes

[StepedOn]

So. I guess I will start at the beginning. 6 years ago, I got divorced from my ex. I have two children with her. My oldest is now 10 and the youngest just turned 8. When I met my girlfriend, I was at the end of the divorce. Now, here is where it gets good. I started dating this girl, and got a phone call from her dad stating that he forbids her to see me. So I broke it off with her. Like a month later, there is a knock on my door. Its her! Crying and standing on my porch. She said that her dad kicked her out. What was i to do? I let her live with me.

We were together ever since. Now, After my divorce, I swore that i would never show my emotions and feelings to another woman. My ex wife stepped all over my feelings. So for 6 years, I would not hug or kiss my girlfriend. I wouldn't hold her hand. Never really told her that I loved her. Now she dumped me. After 6 years, she is gone. And to top it all off, she was with another guy less than two weeks of our break up. Should I go NC on her? I have made all of the changes needed. I spoke to a counselor, and have stomped my armor shield into the ground. I have all of this love overflowing for her now. But she wont give me a chance. I have begged and pleaded. Any advice would be great... Thanks

[january2011]

I'm sorry that you're going through this.

 

It makes things harder that she's with someone else now. She may come round to realise that she still has feelings for you and want to give things another go. She may not.

 

Until then, I suggest that you continue the counselling sessions. Rebuild your life without her and then you will be in a better position to move forward whether she is with you or not. Take each day at a time. Go NC. She knows how you feel about her now, additional begging and pleading is unlikely to make much difference, in my opinion.

[SingVoice]

No offense...but a few counseling sessions isn't going to "cure" you.

 

You made a mistake...a 6 year one. How do you think she feels? She wasted 6 years of her life on someone who treated her like crap. It's no wonder she found someone else so soon after...because I'm sure the second a guy came along who WOULD kiss her or WOULD hold her hand...she probably ran to him.

 

Not to sound like a bully here....but seriously. You think that all of the sudden you are "fixed?" You aren't. Continue therapy.

 

I'll never understand why people have a heartbreak and then assume EVERY other person on the planet will do the same to them.

 

I'm sure this is hard for you...but honestly...it's for the best. You need to heal yourself. And she deserves to be with someone who will treat her right. I wouldn't contact her...especially if she is seeing someone else...it'll just hurt you more.

[Hopeless Girl]

wow... its gonna be a tough one for u... hmmm... i mean it was 6 YEARS! 6 years u didnt show her ur love like u were supposed to and 6 years she put up with it... i dont wanna be harsh but ur gonna have to try REALLY HARD! to get her back and for the record she knows u like this,, she doesnt know the sweet person u wanna be now and its not gonna be easy to see that is really coming genuinely from ur part. ... itll be like dating someone new.....

[StepedOn]

I agree. The whole six years that we were together I wanted to do these things, but I couldnt allow myself to do them. I feel like a total ass for not doing it. She has forgiven me, and told me that she still loves me and cares about me. But she wants to give this other guy a chance. I dont understand it myself. I know that it was 6 yrs of nothing for her, but she has seen how I am now, and says that she knows I have made changes. But she is scared and doesnt know what she wants now. I will give her the space needed, and go NC on her. I just hope she chooses to contact me sooner than later. I miss seeing her and hearing her voice. I mean we lived together for 5 1/2 of the 6 years we were together. So that makes it even harder.

[Hopeless Girl]

things happens.. just the other day I started thinking about myy ex ex A LOT! but like I said Id never go back to him. .. maybe she gets tired of this guy but u have to make some changed buddy... u know what to do if u respect her

[StepedOn]

I do respect her very much, and I am making all the changes that I can make. She has told me not to wait for her, but i can not help but to wait. I love her and only her. She says that she is sad for me, because she has someone, and I don't. I have tried to date other girls, but I just don't like it. I want to be with her and only her for now. Hopefully this will soon pass. I want to not think of her all the time. I want to go out and have fun with my friends. But it has been over a month since we split, and I am still as sad now as I was when we first broke up. Has anyone else been like this? I have had lots of relationships in the past, and NEVER felt this bad over one before! THIS SUCKS!!!

[suddendumpee]

This is actually a rare case where I think NC may NOT be the way to go. NC seems to work in relationships where you were loving/caring, even clingy at times to a girl who wasn't ready for commitment.

 

In this case, you showed her no emotion, so NC will simply just show her that nothing has changed. I think you need to get some time alone with her and really pour your heart out and explain yourself. Keep in mind that the emotional side of you may be in such contrast to what she has seen that she may not trust it...or even LIKE it for that matter.

 

Unfortunately it seems you haven't giver her much to miss. This new guy is probably giving her lots of attention and she is probably smitten by it. I think you're chances here are slim, but you never know until you try right? Nothing is for certain, but I do NOT believe NC is the proper choice in this case.

 

If you do gain her audience, DO NOT break down into a whimpering mess. Keep your cool, explain your past, acknowledge what you have done wrong, and profess your undying love. If that doesn't work. Move on my friend and learn from your mistakes.

 

Also, ask yourself. If she was the right girl, would you not have treated her like she deserved? Do you only want her back out of loneliness/rejection? I suspect this is the case, but only you know that for sure.

[StepedOn]

Well, I was scared that I might push her away if I keep calling and texting her. She told me that she is going to therapy as well, and that her therapist told her that she needed to cut all ties with me, to give herself a chance to miss me. I dont know if this is a good idea or not. Its been almost a week since we talked, and I miss her more now than ever! I know she is the one for me, as I have said before, I have NEVER felt this way about a break up before. I am 38 years old, been married and divorced. I have had lots of relationships in the past, and never hurt like this when one ended. I am certain this is the one for me, and I want her back so badly.

My only problem is her boyfriend. She wont give him up to give me a chance. It is her best friends brother. If she dumps him, she loses the friend. I wish there was a way that I could make him break up with her. Maybe then she and I could get back together and be happy.

[StepedOn]

I guess what I am really looking for here, is someone that has been in the same or similar position that I put my girlfriend in. I am trying to find out what I can do to make her see that I have made changes, and I want to get married to her, and spend the rest of my life with her. We are obviously past the point where words can do anything. It has to be some sort of action on my part that would make her see me for who and what I am now.

 

I love this woman more than anything I have ever loved before. I have found God, and really do not know what I will do if I can never be with her again. I feel like she is my soul mate. My life was complete when she was a part of it. And now I feel emptiness every single day. I am on antidepressants and they dont even seem to be helping me cope with this.

 

My therapist wants me out of work for another month, I feel like my whole world is falling apart at the seams. I have thought about buying a guitar, and learning to play it. I want to write a song for her, and sing it to her. Only problem is, I dont know the first thing about playing the guitar lol. But I am a persistent guy. If I set my mind to it, I can do it. Does this sound like a good idea?

 

I am just spit balling here. But any ideas would be great. Like I stated before, I dont even know if I can get her to meet me somewhere. But if I can, I would love some ideas on what to do to try to win her back. I know she still loves me. She has to. I mean, we spent 5 1/2 years together. You can not just turn love off like that. Thanks for any ideas I can get.