J200 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 But not by destroying the happiness of others in the process. I don't NEED to be selfish regarding love. If a girl is taken I can simply move on to a girl that isn't taken. That way I get what I want, without hurting others. It's possible to get what you want without doing damage. And if that takes a bit more effort, then so be it. I would not hit on a guy with a gf only because it reeks of desperation but I don't give a rats ass about the happiness of others or that of people I don't know. What's it to me? I could care less if they walk off together in the sunset or jump off a bridge together. I just don't have empathy for random people that I don't know.
Nexus One Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 (edited) All is far in love in war. She doesn't owe the gf anything but she is a stranger. In life, you are not OBLIGATED BY LAW to be considerate of or care for the feelings of strangers. You don't owe a stranger anything; as long as you don't mug them or get in a physical fight with them or anything of the sort which will throw you in jail. I personally would not hit on a guy with a gf because I find that desperate and I have too much pride but I could care less about some random woman or man's feelings that I don't know. There is no law that says you have to be considerate of strangers or care about their emotional feelings. Who cares? We don't owe strangers anything. No we don't. Yet some of us act like we do regardless of that fact. And if you need THE LAW to stop you from hurting others, then think about what that says about you. Besides THE LAW is not always the pinnacle of ethics. Trust me J200, if I was like you and had your attitude and by chance I would want to take everything you have, without actually breaking the law, then you would not sing the song you're singing here. It's tough talk, you'd be devastated. It's so f*cking simple. Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself. Yet for a lot of people it's still too much. Edited April 19, 2011 by Nexus One
J200 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 No we don't. Yet some of us act like we do regardless of that fact. And if you need THE LAW to stop you from hurting others, then think about what that says about you. Besides THE LAW is not always the pinnacle of ethics. Trust me J200, if I was like you and had your attitude and by chance I would want to take everything you have, without actually breaking the law, then you would not sing the song you're singing here. It's tough talk, you'd be devastated. It's so f*cking simple. Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself. Yet for a lot of people it's still too much. Even without the law I would not rob or kill people because I am not violent by nature. However ethics are debatable; you might find something unethical while I do not. Ethics are not written in stone; everyone has their own moral code and ethics. I would not hit on a married man or with SO because I am super anti-social any ways BUT I find it laughable when people care about the happiness of strangers or feel like they owe something to a stranger.
Nexus One Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 However ethics are debatable; You're wrong about that. It's debatable in the sense that you can discuss it, but often, perhaps not always, but often there is one single most perfect way of conduct in the case of a dilemma. Like I said, don't do to others what you don't want to have done to yourself. That's it, there's not much more to it. I can't believe people can't or refuse to even hold themselves to even that lowest of simple wisdoms. BUT I find it laughable when people care about the happiness of strangers or feel like they owe something to a stranger. If everyone was like you, then you'd better not fall into a manhole and get stuck in there, because nobody would owe it to you to help you. Lame example, I know, but you get the point.
Professor X Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 It's so f*cking simple. Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself. Yet for a lot of people it's still too much. It's a nice quote, but not quite related. People hit on my SO a lot, she's quite wealthy, she's very educated, she owns her own company and on top of that, she's gorgeous. They all try to come between us for whatever reason ($$$) but I know that their attempts are futile. So in a sense, I don't care if they try and come between us (to a certain extend of course) because I have much faith in my SO. The only thing that can come between me and my SO, is, well, me and my SO. So it all brings us back to my initial post - if there's trust, there's no problem
windows Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 don't do to others what you don't want to have done to yourself. I would actually say, "Do onto others as you would have done to you". That's a much more productive and optimistic way of living.
Professor X Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 You're wrong about that. It's debatable in the sense that you can discuss it, but often, perhaps not always, but often there is one single most perfect way of conduct in the case of a dilemma. J200 isn't wrong. Ethics have changed through the course of time. Some, however, have remained the same, but most have changed. Regardless, you don't owe strangers anything, it does not mean I will step all over them given the chance or will ignore them. IMO, the time to be selfish should be when it comes to the most important things in life. When someone stuck in a hole, send a hand; when someone needs money, go ahead and loan; when someone needs a ride, help out. By all means, give a bit from your heart. But when it comes down to your own happiness... I wouldn't choose a stranger over me.
Jazzari Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Is it inappropriate to tell someone who is in a relationship (new relationship) that you are interested in them?I went after a guy who had a girlfriend, but I was head over heels in love with him and knew I wanted to marry him. He was in love with me too, but was terrified and fought those feelings. It was a long hard battle, because he was a decent guy and didn't want to cheat or hurt his girlfriend. Plus he was using her as a buffer to try and fight his feelings for me. There was NOTHING I wouldn't do to get him. I didn't care about the girlfriend or being decent. He was MINE. I've never felt that way about anyone. Eventually he did leave her and we married a year later. This is an extreme example though. If I didn't feel so strongly, I woudn't normally behave that way.
Nexus One Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 It's a nice quote, but not quite related. People hit on my SO a lot, she's quite wealthy, she's very educated, she owns her own company and on top of that, she's gorgeous. They all try to come between us for whatever reason ($$$) but I know that their attempts are futile. So in a sense, I don't care if they try and come between us (to a certain extend of course) because I have much faith in my SO. The only thing that can come between me and my SO, is, well, me and my SO. So it all brings us back to my initial post - if there's trust, there's no problem Like I said before, your trust is not the issue. It's the motivation of those who want to drive you two apart that is the issue. If you extend that type of ethics into other aspects of life, then it creates nothing but misery. Let me give you an example. Me, you and J200 are afloat in a boat at sea. We're all hungry and are going to die soon if we don't eat. J200 has weakened the most of us three. Do we decide to kill her and eat her for us to survive? If we follow your and J200's logic, then we should eat her. Now here's the question, would that be the right thing to do? It would definitely be the most selfish thing to do, but would it be the right thing? Here's the answer. No it wouldn't be the right thing to do. You know why? Because if you'd extend that logic and you were weaker than me, then by your and J200's logic you'd have to die next. If you'd both stick to your logic in that situation, then you'd have to let me eat you, because that would be the consequence of following your logic.
Professor X Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Like I said before, your trust is not the issue. It's the motivation of those who want to drive you two apart that is the issue. If you extend that type of ethics into other aspects of life, then it creates nothing but misery. Let me give you an example. Me, you and J200 are afloat in a boat at sea. We're all hungry and are going to die soon if we don't eat. J200 has weakened the most of us three. Do we decide to kill her and eat her for us to survive? If we follow your and J200's logic, then we should eat her. Now here's the question, would that be the right thing to do? It would definitely be the most selfish thing to do, but would it be the right thing? Here's the answer. No it wouldn't be the right thing to do. You know why? Because if you'd extend that logic and you were weaker than me, then by your and J200's logic you'd have to die next. If you'd both stick to your logic in that situation, then you'd have to let me eat you, because that would be the consequence of following your logic. To your example: Assuming I'd be able to eat another human, raw, with the hair on the legs and all than by my logic, 2 at least would have survived, while by your logic, we'd all die. Besides, it's not a question of right or wrong as you suggested. The debate would have been between the right thing(not to eat) or the smart thing (to eat).
Nexus One Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I went after a guy who had a girlfriend, but I was head over heels in love with him and knew I wanted to marry him. He was in love with me too, but was terrified and fought those feelings. It was a long hard battle, because he was a decent guy and didn't want to cheat or hurt his girlfriend. Plus he was using her as a buffer to try and fight his feelings for me. There was NOTHING I wouldn't do to get him. I didn't care about the girlfriend or being decent. He was MINE. I've never felt that way about anyone. Eventually he did leave her and we married a year later. This is an extreme example though. If I didn't feel so strongly, I woudn't normally behave that way. Just out of curiosity. Did your relationship with him last?
Star Gazer Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 This thread is actually very helpful to me in that it points out who has vastly different morals and therefore who I should ignore advice from when sought in the future.
Nexus One Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I would actually say, "Do onto others as you would have done to you". That's a much more productive and optimistic way of living. I like that one.
january2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 This thread is actually very helpful to me in that it points out who has vastly different morals and therefore who I should ignore advice from when sought in the future. I *might* listen. But I'll be looking at those people sideways and take any advice they give with a pinch of salt.
Professor X Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 By all means, do as you wish, but please, leave the condescending remarks behind (to whoever they were meant). It's very childish, to say the least.
Jazzari Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Just out of curiosity. Did your relationship with him last?Yes. We were happily married for 18 years until he died in a car wreck.
Star Gazer Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I *might* listen. But I'll be looking at those people sideways and take any advice they give with a pinch of salt. Yes, this is a better way of putting it.
Star Gazer Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 By all means, do as you wish, but please, leave the condescending remarks behind (to whoever they were meant). It's very childish, to say the least. It's far from childish to identify those whose lifestyles, values, morals and ethics drastically differ from your own, such that you know that their opinions and advice that involve reliance on their lifestyle, values, morals and ethics, just won't fit you, and thus should be ignored.
Nexus One Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Yes. We were happily married for 18 years until he died in a car wreck. I'm genuinely sorry to hear that. How long ago was that?
Author Lil1 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 I would actually say, "Do onto others as you would have done to you". That's a much more productive and optimistic way of living. I agree. People, I really do understand and respect the concept of karma and so forth but I still don't agree that I have committed a wrong here. Desperate as one post suggests? Maybe, but let's not forget I also felt bold in my inebriated state (not an excuse I know), but more than anything I was just being honest. There really was not any ill intention in my heart towards his gf (or his brother). I mean, I literally had my hand on his butt (and he was leaning his back on me) when I heard he had a gf and I backed off immediately and kept my hands off for the rest of the night! Before he left he went out of his way to find me in the house and hug me good bye, I walked him out and that's when I told him how I felt. I see how that could be perceived as a desperate move but I know that I'm not and I'm not really worried that he or any of my friends would see it that way because they know I'm far from a 'desperate' type of person. But I don't like being thought of or judged as a malicious boyfriend-stealing skank by my fellow LSers! lol! Really though, it is comical to me because I am so far from that kind of person. I don't know exactly why I felt the need to say something to him, of course it didn't help that before he even got to the party our 2 best friends were saying we would be so good together. I guess it just felt like the right thing to do, open my heart and be truthful to him. I am not hoping for anything immediate as far as he and I go, he is def LTR 'material' and to be honest it's probably a good thing that we experience other people before committing ourselves to each other if we are meant to be together. He has a 3 year old daughter and had a bad break up with her mom about 2 years ago and I'm also still licking my wounds from a fresh breakup so this really may not be the right timing for us, but at least now he knows how I truly feel about him.
Professor X Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 It's far from childish to identify those whose lifestyles, values, morals and ethics drastically differ from your own, such that you know that their opinions and advice that involve reliance on their lifestyle, values, morals and ethics, just won't fit you, and thus should be ignored. It's legit to not wanting to accept ones advice, assuming it will be even given, due to his/her morals, ethics, values, etc etc, but posting it here as a means of a condescending remark, can't quite see the point. By the way, there's an ignore option here, you simply go to the CP -> Edit Ignore List -> add name and you're done with. Unless you... want to make a party out of it?
Author Lil1 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 Yes. We were happily married for 18 years until he died in a car wreck. I'm so sorry for your loss Jazzari. I appreciate your input very much, and I think that sometimes in life you really just have to follow what the heart wants and as long as your intentions are honest you will walk a good path in life. There is a reason why you pursued him and I'm glad things worked out for you so that you had the opportunity to love him and be loved by him.
Jazzari Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I'm genuinely sorry to hear that. How long ago was that?10 months ago. I broke 3 months after he died and I've never been able to get reconnected again. It all feels like a dream and very unreal. It worries me sometimes but I'd rather be this way. If I had to feel that pain again, I don't think I could stay alive. Anyway, (sorry to be a downer) while I'm not proud of hurting his girlfriend, I'm not sorry we got together. I don't feel like I took anything away from her, because it wasn't there to start with. Nor did I seduce him - it was love at first sight for both of us.
Jazzari Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I'm so sorry for your loss Jazzari. I appreciate your input very much, and I think that sometimes in life you really just have to follow what the heart wants and as long as your intentions are honest you will walk a good path in life. There is a reason why you pursued him and I'm glad things worked out for you so that you had the opportunity to love him and be loved by him. Thanks Lil. I was very lucky to have him.
january2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 (edited) It's far from childish to identify those whose lifestyles, values, morals and ethics drastically differ from your own, such that you know that their opinions and advice that involve reliance on their lifestyle, values, morals and ethics, just won't fit you, and thus should be ignored. Agreed, though I try not to ignore people unless they post like jerks. There are some people I tend not to agree with on many topics but I otherwise find their posts informative and/or entertaining because they are funny or well written. These people I wouldn't put on ignore unless the jerk criterion is ticked. With regard to the thread topic, I'm not quite sure if the OP was expecting to be applauded for her actions but if there really is no regret then the opinions of internet strangers shouldn't matter at all, regardless of whether those opinions are supportive or not. Edited April 19, 2011 by january2011
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