Star Gazer Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I think it goes beyond thoughtless and rude. Pursuing a taken man is a horrible thing to do.
Professor X Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I think it goes beyond thoughtless and rude. Pursuing a taken man is a horrible thing to do. Why? are you that insecure that you believe anyone can just take your SO away from you? You have so little faith in your RS? If he denies her, the only one who should be embarrassed is her. Other than that no harm has been done. To go as far as saying that it's horrible or immoral is just ridiculous.
Star Gazer Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Why? are you that insecure that you believe anyone can just take your SO away from you? You have so little faith in your RS? If he denies her, the only one who should be embarrassed is her. Other than that no harm has been done. To go as far as saying that it's horrible or immoral is just ridiculous. This has nothing to do with me, or my security, or anyone else's. Going after someone in a committed relationship with someone else reprehensible, IMO. It demonstrates the chaser lacks class and morals.
Nexus One Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 (edited) To go as far as saying that it's horrible or immoral is just ridiculous. It's not ridiculous, because when someone does that, then they're effectively trying to accomplish a split up between the boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm not saying that that is what OP tried to do, that doesn't entirely apply in this situation I think. What you're talking about is feeling comfortable and trusting when your partner is getting hit on, that has nothing to do with driving a boyfriend and girlfriend apart for one's own gain. Edited April 18, 2011 by Nexus One
Professor X Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 This has nothing to do with me, or my security, or anyone else's. Going after someone in a committed relationship with someone else reprehensible, IMO. It demonstrates the chaser lacks class and morals. There's a reason why they say all is fair in love and war. Imagine what would of happened if the Russians or the American were to be moral during WWII. And love is not less powerful. Some would argue it's the strongest force there is, so man made definitions such as moral or class (which constantly change btw) are irrelevant here. Besides, if the guy flirts back, it does not look like a committed RS to me or else he would do whatever he can to not jeopardize it. What you're talking about is feeling comfortable and trusting when your partner is getting hit on, that has nothing to do with driving a boyfriend and girlfriend apart for one's own gain. If you could please elaborate for I can not see how the 2 are not related. If one hits on your SO, does that not mean he/she wants to drive you apart? (that way or another)
Author Lil1 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 Wow this is nuts! I didn't think me telling him I liked him was gonna be this big a deal! lol, I mean there are some angry ladies at me right now on LS! I don't know how to convey to you gals that I really am a respectful chick. I don't steal boyfriends away and I don't even flirt with them. I did not know he had a girlfriend until that night and I guess I thought here is my only chance to tell him how I feel before who knows how long. I have never met his girlfriend, most of our friends haven't met her yet, and it would be awesome if she turns out to be a really cool chick who makes him happy. If it should turn out this way then I would really respect the boundaries and be happy for them. I don't feel like I am betraying anyone, if anything I am keeping things honest with him. I didn't ask for any sort of response from him, I didn't put any pressure on him. I simply expressed my interest in him. I think my exact words were "I know it's wrong for me to tell you this because you have a girlfriend now, and also because your brother keeps texting me to take me out, but I really like you very much. You don't have to say or do anything, I just want you to know how I feel about you and I want you to think of me in the future (I may have said your future)". Then he said thank you and yes, i will think about it and he left... no last hug or anything else so it really was not like I was throwing myself on him or pressuring him. He didn't seem offended. Either way, I still don't regret having done it. I find the responses to my actions very interesting and I totally understand the ladies' point of view. However the fact that it is a very early relationship, that there is a strong attraction between us, and I didn't find out that he has a gf now until that night, lessens the severity of the situation. It's not like I said this to my best friend's husband or anything like that! I do respect, and I do have morals. Me telling a guy (who has a gf no one knows yet in our mutual circle of friends) that I like him, when has been flirting with me continuously whenever we see each other at mutual friends' events is not lacking morals or being malicious. I understand it is crossing a line when someone is in a committed LTR but that is not the case here.
Nexus One Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 If you could please elaborate for I can not see how the 2 are not related. If one hits on your SO, does that not mean he/she wants to drive you apart? (that way or another) I'm not sure what you mean. Yes they are related. What I'm pointing at is just the part where someone would drive two lovers apart for his/her own gain. The intention and motivation that drives that is unethical in my opinion, you just don't do that to a couple. Now the fact that people in a relationship can be trusting and comfortable with the fact that their SO is getting hit on is great and it's related to this topic, but it's not the point that I was pressing on.
Lilmisus Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 There's a reason why they say all is fair in love and war. Imagine what would of happened if the Russians or the American were to be moral during WWII. And love is not less powerful. Some would argue it's the strongest force there is, so man made definitions such as moral or class (which constantly change btw) are irrelevant here. Besides, if the guy flirts back, it does not look like a committed RS to me or else he would do whatever he can to not jeopardize it. If you could please elaborate for I can not see how the 2 are not related. If one hits on your SO, does that not mean he/she wants to drive you apart? (that way or another) No, it doesn't mean that. If someone tells your SO that they like them, and flirts with them, and tries talking to them continuously while y'all are still together, then it means that they want to drive the two apart. If all they do is hit on them, what's the issue? I don't see harmless flirting as harmful at all. I have multiple guy friends who I flirt with and hit on, on a daily basis, and they flirt with me. I'm friends with their girlfriends, and I would never, ever, try to steal them away (and their girls know that). Even if they broke up, they would be off limits to me, because I just couldn't do that. I'll admit that a couple of them I did have a crush on before I found out they were in relationships, or before they started dating their girlfriends, but after that, I labeled them as "friend" and made sure that they knew I wasn't interested at all. Plus, their girlfriends flirted with my ex all the time (and he flirted with them too), but I had no fear at all with them, because like I said...it was understood that nothing would come from it. We trusted and respected one another not to have any feelings behind our flirting, and to know that nothing would come from it.
january2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Welcome to my kind of dating january, you want a good woman/man you have to take them from a lesser person. Corrected it for you.
elaina Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 (edited) I think it goes beyond thoughtless and rude. Pursuing a taken man is a horrible thing to do. I agree that pursuing a taken man is a horrible thing to do, but I don't think just telling a guy you like them is pursuing them? I don't see the wisdom in doing it, but at the same time, I know that some other women like my boyfriend, whether or not they tell him. He's irresistible. (Yeah I'm biased.) What's important to me is what HE does, not what they do. If he brushes them off and tells them, I have an awesome girlfriend I am happy. If he flirts with them, then he won't be my boyfriend much longer, and the same goes for me and other guys. I have had other guys interested in me who don't know I have a boyfriend. I tell them and they leave me alone. None have continued to pursue, but if they did, my boyfriend would have a nice little chat with them. However, if a guy who knows I have a boyfriend tells me he likes me, that won't hurt my relationship at all with my boyfriend unless I act on that information, which I wouldn't do.... cause I wuv my man. Edited April 18, 2011 by elaina
Professor X Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 No, it doesn't mean that. If someone tells your SO that they like them, and flirts with them, and tries talking to them continuously while y'all are still together, then it means that they want to drive the two apart. If all they do is hit on them, what's the issue? I don't see harmless flirting as harmful at all. I have multiple guy friends who I flirt with and hit on, on a daily basis, and they flirt with me. I'm friends with their girlfriends, and I would never, ever, try to steal them away (and their girls know that). Even if they broke up, they would be off limits to me, because I just couldn't do that. I'll admit that a couple of them I did have a crush on before I found out they were in relationships, or before they started dating their girlfriends, but after that, I labeled them as "friend" and made sure that they knew I wasn't interested at all. Plus, their girlfriends flirted with my ex all the time (and he flirted with them too), but I had no fear at all with them, because like I said...it was understood that nothing would come from it. We trusted and respected one another not to have any feelings behind our flirting, and to know that nothing would come from it. My apology. Sometimes I redefine some words; In this case it'd be flirt. I know flirt, by its definition is without any serious intention and it's just a way of speech. What I meant was more than a flirt, it's when the conversation goes a bit further - whatever you'd call it. @Lil1 - I personally just love to argue and debate =) So I can take the smallest topic and really really extend it if I wish.
Star Gazer Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I agree that pursuing a taken man is a horrible thing to do, but I don't think just telling a guy you like them is pursuing them? What is the purpose in telling someone you like them, if not in the hopes of getting with them? Yes, it's pursuing. Without question. Flirting (which everyone does) is different than telling someone you like them and want them to think about you. Flirting: "You look nice today, Mark. ;)" Pursuing: "I know you have a girlfriend, but I really like you, and want you to think about me." The latter is EXACTLY what the OP did, which translates to, "I know you have a girlfriend, but I really like you, and want you to think about me and decide to dump your girlfriend to be with me."
ASG Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I agree that pursuing a taken man is a horrible thing to do, but I don't think just telling a guy you like them is pursuing them? I don't see the wisdom in doing it, but at the same time, I know that some other women like my boyfriend, whether or not they tell him. He's irresistible. (Yeah I'm biased.) What's important to me is what HE does, not what they do. If he brushes them off and tells them, I have an awesome girlfriend I am happy. If he flirts with them, then he won't be my boyfriend much longer, and the same goes for me and other guys. I have had other guys interested in me who don't know I have a boyfriend. I tell them and they leave me alone. None have continued to pursue, but if they did, my boyfriend would have a nice little chat with them. However, if a guy who knows I have a boyfriend tells me he likes me, that won't hurt my relationship at all with my boyfriend unless I act on that information, which I wouldn't do.... cause I wuv my man. This. Cause NOONE can make you cheat or leave your SO but yourself. I'm single at the moment, and I have guys hitting on me left right and centre. I had them when I was with my ex as well, and I would just politely decline their advances. Same with my ex. We would actually share stories and laugh about it. If he had decided to leave me for one of those girls (or cheated on me), it would have been HIS mistake. Not the girl's. Same thing as if it had been me.. MY mistake. I don't pursue taken man, cause it's just a waste of time. But I do believe that it is the SOLE responsibility of the person in a relationship to not cheat. And if they leave their SO for someone who made a move, then clearly, their RS was a bit of a lie.
Author Lil1 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 \ Flirting (which everyone does) is different than telling someone you like them and want them to think about you. Flirting: "You look nice today, Mark. ;)" Pursuing: "I know you have a girlfriend, but I really like you, and want you to think about me." The latter is EXACTLY what the OP did, which translates to, "I know you have a girlfriend, but I really like you, and want you to think about me and decide to dump your girlfriend to be with me." (Big grin ) First of all saying something along the lines of "you look nice today" to someone is not really flirting in my opinion, it's paying them a compliment or being polite. When I say we flirt I mean we physically touch, grab, wink, hug, hold, etc... much more than just giving each other compliments! Second of all, I didn't tell him that I wanted him to dump his girlfriend - he could interpret it as that I guess, but that's really up to him. Lastly, I really didn't expect anything to come of it but I wanted to let him know that my feelings for him are deeper then just the fun flirting that goes on between us and I think that he may feel the same way so I decided to bring it out in the open and keep things real with him. Who knows, maybe he and I could be an awesome match, our friends seem to think we would be great together but like I said, I am respecting the boundaries, I'm not going to chase him or seek him out, I just wanted to be honest with him.
stace79 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 There's nothing wrong in a little poking and prodding. If they are really "lovers" than there's no danger, now is there? And it's not up to her or anyone else but the 2 in a RS to respect it. Disagree. There is such a thing as being a decent human being. Besides, even if I was a lowlife who tried to break up other relationships, why would I want such a cowardly man who has no backbone, who would so easily be swayed from me by some other slutty POS? I'd never trust the guy anyway.
Author Lil1 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 Disagree. There is such a thing as being a decent human being. Besides, even if I was a lowlife who tried to break up other relationships, why would I want such a cowardly man who has no backbone, who would so easily be swayed from me by some other slutty POS? I'd never trust the guy anyway. Wow Stace, really? So now I am being likened to a "lowlife sluttly POS"?! Sorry ladies I really didn't hink that I did anything that bad by telling this guy that I liked him when I found out he has just entered into a new relationship that he doesn't seem to be crazy about. My bad for offending anyone here on LS! I do appreciate the candor though! I guess next time I really should check myself before speaking from the heart. I do not want him to leave his girl for me, but if things don't work out for them in the future and he does think of me then he will know how I feel about him and come find me. Only time will tell!
stace79 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Wow Stace, really? So now I am being likened to a "lowlife sluttly POS"?! Sorry ladies I really didn't hink that I did anything that bad by telling this guy that I liked him when I found out he has just entered into a new relationship that he doesn't seem to be crazy about. My bad for offending anyone here on LS! I do appreciate the candor though! I guess next time I really should check myself before speaking from the heart. I do not want him to leave his girl for me, but if things don't work out for them in the future and he does think of me then he will know how I feel about him and come find me. Only time will tell! I'm not speaking about you directly. I do think though that the problem is too many people have this selfish attitude like "all's fair in love and war." Well that is just a stupid phrase. How about people stop and think about the consequences of their actions? Yes, it is half up to this guy to be a respectable man and ignore what you said and hopefully he will now stop talking to you. (This is assuming that he's a good guy. If he doesn't really like his new gf he should break up with her FIRST, and then if he's interested in you come sniffing around again.) But it's also half up to us single ladies to do the respectable thing, which is to NOT go after other ladies' men. There is NO reason at all you would be telling that guy you like him that is not related to him breaking up with his new gf and getting together with you. If you were really concerned about doing the right thing, you should have kept your mouth shut and been his friend - an honest to God friend, not one trying to be sneaky and sabotage his relationship. And then, IF and when his new relationship ended, you could then express your interest. And, hopefully he'd have more respect for you since you weren't doing anything shady. There's just never any way you could convince me you didn't have malicious intentions by telling a guy who has a girlfriend that you liked him and wanted him to think more about you.
Professor X Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 We're all selfish in some way or another. It's a fact. When you break with someone, you won't stop because you don't wanna hurt him. When you go to a job interview you won't ask if you're gonna take someones job. When you apply to university you don't care that there are limited spots and that you might take a candidates spot. When you go into a store and there's only 1 of a certain item you badly want and there's another person who want it, you won't just give it to him. If your kid was dying and he'd need a certain medicine (only 1) to get healed and there's another kid fighting for it, you won't just give it to that kid. When you go down the street and you see a homeless guy you don't just offer him help or give him roof. When you buy burger in McDonalds you don't care if they mass murder cows in horrible way. When you buy jeans or any clothing, you don't care that it most likely was made by kids in labor kids for a dollar a month. When you buy jewelry you don't care that the diamond on top of it came from war torn countries in Africa. I can go on and on and on. Most stuff you do, you do it for you, without realising it. And it's good, as should be. So why not be selfish when it comes to the most important thing there is? Love. We're all selfish, we all are being told and taught to love ourselves before others. If I was to choose between myself or a stranger, I'd choose myself.
Author Lil1 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 But it's also half up to us single ladies to do the respectable thing, which is to NOT go after other ladies' men. There is NO reason at all you would be telling that guy you like him that is not related to him breaking up with his new gf and getting together with you. If you were really concerned about doing the right thing, you should have kept your mouth shut and been his friend - an honest to God friend, not one trying to be sneaky and sabotage his relationship. And then, IF and when his new relationship ended, you could then express your interest. And, hopefully he'd have more respect for you since you weren't doing anything shady. There's just never any way you could convince me you didn't have malicious intentions by telling a guy who has a girlfriend that you liked him and wanted him to think more about you. LOL whatever Stace, if you wanna label me as sneaky and shady and malicious and all of those things you are saying were my driving force behind me telling this guy I like him then go ahead and believe that if that keeps you on your high moral ground. I don't think I harmed anyone, it's up to him if he wants to take any sort of action. That is not what I asked him for and I think he understands that. I am not interested in being friend zoned and I think we both know we would want more than friendship but the timing/ circumstances are bad. To be honest, I feel more terrible about the fact that his brother keeps asking me out then I do about the new gf no one knows yet. The fact that his brother is interested in me is probably why we havent really tried hooking up by now. I'm glad I was honest with him and told him that I like him and I hope I'm the last thing he thinks of before he goes to sleep! (lol! that last part isnt really true, I'm just starting to get defensive and annoyed at being looked down on because I'm really not that kind of girl.)
Nexus One Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 (edited) We're all selfish in some way or another. It's a fact. When you break with someone, you won't stop because you don't wanna hurt him. When you go to a job interview you won't ask if you're gonna take someones job. When you apply to university you don't care that there are limited spots and that you might take a candidates spot. When you go into a store and there's only 1 of a certain item you badly want and there's another person who want it, you won't just give it to him. If your kid was dying and he'd need a certain medicine (only 1) to get healed and there's another kid fighting for it, you won't just give it to that kid. When you go down the street and you see a homeless guy you don't just offer him help or give him roof. When you buy burger in McDonalds you don't care if they mass murder cows in horrible way. When you buy jeans or any clothing, you don't care that it most likely was made by kids in labor kids for a dollar a month. When you buy jewelry you don't care that the diamond on top of it came from war torn countries in Africa. I can go on and on and on. Most stuff you do, you do it for you, without realising it. And it's good, as should be. So why not be selfish when it comes to the most important thing there is? Love. We're all selfish, we all are being told and taught to love ourselves before others. If I was to choose between myself or a stranger, I'd choose myself. When you break with someone, you won't stop because you don't wanna hurt her: She'd have to pull some serious sh*t in the first place before I would break up. So that sh*t would overrule her sadness over the break-up. When you go to a job interview you won't ask if you're gonna take someones job: Usually the position is already open when you apply for the job. (outsourced jobs are an exception) When you apply to university you don't care that there are limited spots and that you might take a candidates spot: Often universities look at grades, talent and skills and how it compares to your competition. When you go into a store and there's only 1 of a certain item you badly want and there's another person who want it, you won't just give it to him: If they asked for it, I actually quite probably would. If your kid was dying and he'd need a certain medicine (only 1) to get healed and there's another kid fighting for it, you won't just give it to that kid: No, but then again that situation doesn't happen in real life, except for maybe in Africa. When you go down the street and you see a homeless guy you don't just offer him help or give him roof: I've given money to homeless people in the street, many of them actually do not want to live the regular life believe it or not. When you buy burger in McDonalds you don't care if they mass murder cows in horrible way.: I actually do care. I don't buy burgers at McDonalds. When you buy jeans or any clothing, you don't care that it most likely was made by kids in labor kids for a dollar a month.: I actually do care. Ever heard of American Apparel? When you buy jewelry you don't care that the diamond on top of it came from war torn countries in Africa.: I actually do care and don't buy diamonds. Diamonds are a scam anyway, they're not even rare, they're made rare because the DeBeers buy up nearly all the mined diamonds in the world and then burn most of them in furnaces to create an artificial scarcity, so that they can sell the remaining diamonds for insane prices. And to comment on your line of logic, just because you do one wrong thing that shouldn't mean you should do another wrong thing just because you weren't very ethical regarding the first thing. Edited April 19, 2011 by Nexus One
Knittress Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 No, it's not the same as going after your best friend's husband, but it's not entirely cool to be sabotaging a new relationship with an acquaintance either. If the sparks are there, as you say - he knows it. Telling him is just backing him into a corner, which is, yes, rude and thoughtless. It's not a huge deal, but it's something to work on.
Professor X Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 (edited) When you break with someone, you won't stop because you don't wanna hurt her: She'd have to pull some serious sh*t in the first place before I would break up. So that sh*t would overrule her sadness over the break-up. What about if you wanted kids and she did't? She wants to live there and you wanna live here, you haven't got the spark for her - it doesn't have to be something "****ty", only serious. And regardless, you'd do it for yourself, not her. I hope you know people break up not only because something bad happened. When you go to a job interview you won't ask if you're gonna take someones job: Usually the position is already open when you apply for the job. (outsourced jobs are an exception) - usually is not always - I hope you know elderly people are getting fired to be replaced by younger ones. When you apply to university you don't care that there are limited spots and that you might take a candidates spot: Often universities look at grades, talent and skills and how it compares to your competition. - I fail to see your point. Assuming you've been to university you should know that it's very common that there students with similar "grades, talents and skills", yet some are accepted and others do not for whatever reason. When you go into a store and there's only 1 of a certain item you badly want and there's another person who want it, you won't just give it to him: If they asked for it, I actually quite probably would. 1 of out many. If your kid was dying and he'd need a certain medicine (only 1) to get healed and there's another kid fighting for it, you won't just give it to that kid: No, but then again that situation doesn't happen in real life, except for maybe in Africa. It doesn't matter if it happens in real or not, the point was to show that you'd think about your family first - And I really hope you'd choose your family over strangers. When you go down the street and you see a homeless guy you don't just offer him help or give him roof: I've given money to homeless people in the street, many of them actually do not want to live the regular life believe it or not. - The fact that you have given doesn't mean you always do and I'm sure you got money to spare seeing you got enough for a PC to type on. But you still preferred to buy this PC than give the money used for them. When you buy burger in McDonalds you don't care if they mass murder cows in horrible way.: I actually do care. I don't buy burgers at McDonalds. Nice, I also don't eat cow meat at all for that reason. But it's just one thing out of many. When you buy jeans or any clothing, you don't care that it most likely was made by kids in labor kids for a dollar a month.: I actually do care. Ever heard of American Apparel? - I'm glad to see you care When you buy jewelry you don't care that the diamond on top of it came from war torn countries in Africa.: I actually do care and don't buy diamonds. Diamonds are a scam anyway, they're not even rare, they're made rare because the DeBeers buy up nearly all the mined diamonds in the world and then burn most of them in furnaces to create an artificial scarcity, so that they can sell the remaining diamonds for insane prices. Thankyou, but I happen to know why diamonds are expensive. And I'm glad you do something against it. But I trust you were not as dumb as to think that by answering those questions you'd disprove what I said. People are selfish, each and everyone of us, even you, and it's going to be pure ignorance to think otherwise. And to comment on your line of logic, just because you do one wrong thing that shouldn't mean you should do another wrong thing just because you weren't very ethical regarding the first thing. That wasn't my logic, my logic was that people are selfish in regards to things that are not important. My logic is, that since you're selfish you might as well use it on something that's actually matters to you, like love. Edit: Wanted to add that I hope you know I can argue that everything you say is selfish, for example: You donate money to poor people cause it makes you feel like you're a better person. You don't eat McDonalds cause it makes you feel like you're a better person. Etc' etc', every action I can argue that you do it so that you will feel better. So please, look beyond the actual questions =) Edited April 19, 2011 by Professor X
DollyGirl12 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Well, I don't think you should be beaten and stoned for what you did! Especially if you didn't know he was involved with someone while you were doing it. I would put this more on the guy. If he were to try to take it to another level while involved with someone else, before ending it with them, then I would have serious doubts as to whether he'd be a guy I wanted to be involved with. However, should things not work out with them and then he began to pursue you then that would be a different story. I would, however (depending on how long they were together) make sure not to fall in to the rebound category.
J200 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 All is far in love in war. She doesn't owe the gf anything but she is a stranger. In life, you are not OBLIGATED BY LAW to be considerate of or care for the feelings of strangers. You don't owe a stranger anything; as long as you don't mug them or get in a physical fight with them or anything of the sort which will throw you in jail. I personally would not hit on a guy with a gf because I find that desperate and I have too much pride but I could care less about some random woman or man's feelings that I don't know. There is no law that says you have to be considerate of strangers or care about their emotional feelings. Who cares? We don't owe strangers anything.
Nexus One Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 When you break with someone, you won't stop because you don't wanna hurt her: She'd have to pull some serious sh*t in the first place before I would break up. So that sh*t would overrule her sadness over the break-up. What about if you wanted kids and she did't? She wants to live there and you wanna live here, you haven't got the spark for her - it doesn't have to be something "****ty", only serious. And regardless, you'd do it for yourself, not her. I hope you know people break up not only because something bad happened. When you go to a job interview you won't ask if you're gonna take someones job: Usually the position is already open when you apply for the job. (outsourced jobs are an exception) - usually is not always - I hope you know elderly people are getting fired to be replaced by younger ones. When you apply to university you don't care that there are limited spots and that you might take a candidates spot: Often universities look at grades, talent and skills and how it compares to your competition. - I fail to see your point. Assuming you've been to university you should know that it's very common that there students with similar "grades, talents and skills", yet some are accepted and others do not for whatever reason. When you go into a store and there's only 1 of a certain item you badly want and there's another person who want it, you won't just give it to him: If they asked for it, I actually quite probably would. 1 of out many. If your kid was dying and he'd need a certain medicine (only 1) to get healed and there's another kid fighting for it, you won't just give it to that kid: No, but then again that situation doesn't happen in real life, except for maybe in Africa. It doesn't matter if it happens in real or not, the point was to show that you'd think about your family first - And I really hope you'd choose your family over strangers. When you go down the street and you see a homeless guy you don't just offer him help or give him roof: I've given money to homeless people in the street, many of them actually do not want to live the regular life believe it or not. - The fact that you have given doesn't mean you always do and I'm sure you got money to spare seeing you got enough for a PC to type on. But you still preferred to buy this PC than give the money used for them. When you buy burger in McDonalds you don't care if they mass murder cows in horrible way.: I actually do care. I don't buy burgers at McDonalds. Nice, I also don't eat cow meat at all for that reason. But it's just one thing out of many. When you buy jeans or any clothing, you don't care that it most likely was made by kids in labor kids for a dollar a month.: I actually do care. Ever heard of American Apparel? - I'm glad to see you care When you buy jewelry you don't care that the diamond on top of it came from war torn countries in Africa.: I actually do care and don't buy diamonds. Diamonds are a scam anyway, they're not even rare, they're made rare because the DeBeers buy up nearly all the mined diamonds in the world and then burn most of them in furnaces to create an artificial scarcity, so that they can sell the remaining diamonds for insane prices. Thankyou, but I happen to know why diamonds are expensive. And I'm glad you do something against it. But I trust you were not as dumb as to think that by answering those questions you'd disprove what I said. People are selfish, each and everyone of us, even you, and it's going to be pure ignorance to think otherwise. And to comment on your line of logic, just because you do one wrong thing that shouldn't mean you should do another wrong thing just because you weren't very ethical regarding the first thing. That wasn't my logic, my logic was that people are selfish in regards to things that are not important. My logic is, that since you're selfish you might as well use it on something that's actually matters to you, like love. Edit: Wanted to add that I hope you know I can argue that everything you say is selfish, for example: You donate money to poor people cause it makes you feel like you're a better person. You don't eat McDonalds cause it makes you feel like you're a better person. Etc' etc', every action I can argue that you do it so that you will feel better. So please, look beyond the actual questions =) What about if you wanted kids and she did't? She wants to live there and you wanna live here, you haven't got the spark for her - it doesn't have to be something "****ty", only serious. And regardless, you'd do it for yourself, not her. I hope you know people break up not only because something bad happened. I'm actually quite flexible regarding the things you mention. If she didn't want kids, then I'd be fine with that, because I'd be with her for her. Regarding where she wants to live, I'll just move where she wants to, not because I'm a push-over, but I can pretty much live anywhere due to the flexible nature of my work/business. The spark-problem you mention would be somewhat of an issue. In that case I would not only break up for myself though, but also for her. I'm guessing she wouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't reciprocate her feelings anymore. I hope you know elderly people are getting fired to be replaced by younger ones. I know. But that decision is made by the management of the company, not the person that applies for the resulting job opening. I fail to see your point. Assuming you've been to university you should know that it's very common that there students with similar "grades, talents and skills", yet some are accepted and others do not for whatever reason. Personally I only know examples of universities that have a screening process. Universities do look at the things I mentioned, but they also differentiate on other things, sometimes the differences are minor, I'll give you that. However if a university wouldn't look for at least 1 difference between two similar students, then they're not doing their job correctly. And in that case you cannot blame the students that are applying. The fact that you have given doesn't mean you always do and I'm sure you got money to spare seeing you got enough for a PC to type on. But you still preferred to buy this PC than give the money used for them. I need this PC for work too, so if I didn't buy it, then I wouldn't be able to give any money to homeless people. But I see your point, I do own unnecessary and indulgent things. Is it selfish, quite probably, but does that mean I might as well drive two other lovers apart? No, in my opinion it doesn't. Let me give you an example. In my street there lives this stunningly attractive girl that has a boyfriend. She looks so in love with him, she can't hardly take her eyes of him. HOWEVER, when I walked behind them on the sidewalk she did look at me a few times. If she didn't have a boyfriend I would probably have made a move on her, but she has a boyfriend, so I don't. I cannot bring myself to destroy what I saw walking there in front of me on the sidewalk, I just can't do it. It feels wrong, they're happy, she looked like she was head over heels and he acted all aloof, but I knew that guy was in heaven. I'm just not that kind of guy. You're right, I could do it for my own gain, for my own selfish reasons, but I don't. They have something that is important to them in their life, I respect what they have and I respect that boyfriend even though I don't know him. People are selfish, each and everyone of us, even you, and it's going to be pure ignorance to think otherwise. I don't disagree with that, but you're not making a much needed nuance here and that is that people are selfish to different degrees. Some do more damage with their selfishness than others. There are those that try to minimize the damage they do to others. That wasn't my logic, my logic was that people are selfish in regards to things that are not important. My logic is, that since you're selfish you might as well use it on something that's actually matters to you, like love. But not by destroying the happiness of others in the process. I don't NEED to be selfish regarding love. If a girl is taken I can simply move on to a girl that isn't taken. That way I get what I want, without hurting others. It's possible to get what you want without doing damage. And if that takes a bit more effort, then so be it.
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