That_girl Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I've had three serious relationships at this point. The most recent has totally screwed me up. We were dating for about 6 months and it was the most emotional and intense period ever. I do love him, but he had cheated at the very beginning of the relationship and became a totally different person after I agreed to take him back. Wasn't nearly as sweet as affectionate anymore, and I began to feel like his mother. I ended it about 3 weeks ago. I couldn't take it anymore, I constantly felt ****ty and I felt as though he has the capacity to become abusive. I'm not even sure if he already has been. He has grabbed me by the arms and shook me a few times, or physically restrained me if I had tried to leave. Also he punches things when he gets upset and it can be really scary. I'm getting to the point where I'm almost positive I did the right thing by ending it. But sometimes I feel like since I'm the one that ended it, I should go crawling back to him. I gave him an opportunity to talk to me last week, and he doesn't see that what he does is wrong. He says he is sorry that him hitting walls hurts me, but that he would never HURT me. And that he can't help it if he has to punch a wall every now and then. I don't know what to believe anymore. My ego is severely damaged at this point because he is no longer showering me with gifts and letters like he did after he cheated. This makes me feel like it IS my fault somehow. Maybe I pushed too hard, maybe I got angry too often. Maybe I always resented him for cheating and repeatedly made him pay for it. Maybe I took out all of my trust issues on him by getting upset at jokes, comments he made. I know that a lot of what he said was said intentionally to put me down. His 'jokes' or comments, or 'concerns' were often very critical and condescending. But I can't help but feel like he's finally deciding to get over me now because it was my fault. I want him back for those good times we had. That emotional bond that I've never felt with anyone else. That beautiful face of his. The warmth of his body and the touch of his lips. It just seems like all of the things I love him are also a threat to me. His sensitivity was so adorable at first, but then I saw that he's not exactly emotionally healthy. He has a bad temper, and often thought I was using him or that I didn't love him enough. When in reality, I love him enough to consider putting up with all of his bull****. The fact that he's goodlooking and talented doesnt help matters either because it just means it will be easier for him to cheat on me again in the future. His lack of self-control with regard to his temper, and the inability to control himself from the peer pressure that made him take those drugs on the night that he cheated really scares me. I love and hate this guy all at the same time. It's like I want him to continue the begging and crying. It's so wrong on my part, what is wrong with me?? I dumped him. And I'm having plenty of trouble trying to stick to it. I told him that I really missed him and that I still loved him last week. But he said he needs time. Why do I want him back? I know that it's natural to miss somebody, but am I crazy for even contemplating taking him back at this point?
optimistgirl Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I ended it about 3 weeks ago. I couldn't take it anymore, I constantly felt ****ty and I felt as though he has the capacity to become abusive. I'm not even sure if he already has been. He has grabbed me by the arms and shook me a few times, or physically restrained me if I had tried to leave. Also he punches things when he gets upset and it can be really scary. I'm getting to the point where I'm almost positive I did the right thing by ending it. But sometimes I feel like since I'm the one that ended it, I should go crawling back to him. I gave him an opportunity to talk to me last week, and he doesn't see that what he does is wrong. He says he is sorry that him hitting walls hurts me, but that he would never HURT me. And that he can't help it if he has to punch a wall every now and then.? That_girl, it is not ever acceptable for a man to physically put his hands on you. It doesn't matter how angry he gets. Not to mention, I'm sure that it must be scary for you when he loses his temper. He needs some kind of anger management. There are plenty of other guys out there that are good looking and know how to handle themselves when they're mad. I don't know what to believe anymore. My ego is severely damaged at this point because he is no longer showering me with gifts and letters like he did after he cheated. This makes me feel like it IS my fault somehow. Maybe I pushed too hard, maybe I got angry too often. Maybe I always resented him for cheating and repeatedly made him pay for it. Maybe I took out all of my trust issues on him by getting upset at jokes, comments he made. I know that a lot of what he said was said intentionally to put me down. His 'jokes' or comments, or 'concerns' were often very critical and condescending. But I can't help but feel like he's finally deciding to get over me now because it was my fault. These kinds of guys don't get better with time, they get WORSE...as will your self-esteem if you stay with someone like that. You did the right thing in breaking up with him. I applaud you for having the courage to end it with someone like that. Bravo! As far as missing him, and remembering all the good times, that's normal. Try this...everytime you start missing him, remind yourself of all the bad times...the way you felt after his condescending comments, how you felt when he lost his temper, how you felt after he cheated, etc. You have the strength to get over him...but you have to find it from within. It's going to take some work, but you can do it. This relationship was very unhealthy for you. You have to break all ties with this man and go NC so you can start healing. I know how you're feeling when you love someone and hate them at exactly the same time. One month later, I still feel that way, but the feelings are not as intense. I'm trying to get to a place of indifference, but it takes time. Be patient with yourself. Fight those urges to get back with him. You did the right thing by breaking up!!! Best of luck!!
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