2sunny Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 sooooo, several hours have now passed since you got the email - and now you disappeared... it's safe to figured you already responded- and are already with him now. i smell a troll...
Author autumnbethesda Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Hi all- so basically the message was that since I never message him, he's contacting me. I really think this is his way of avoiding the blame, or to blame it on miscommunication. I'm processing this and will not respond until I decide what if anything to say. Very upset right now. Angry!!!!!!
2sunny Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Hi all- so basically the message was that since I never message him, he's contacting me. I really think this is his way of avoiding the blame, or to blame it on miscommunication. I'm processing this and will not respond until I decide what if anything to say. Very upset right now. Angry!!!!!! what a dick! he's trying to blame YOU? he's married! he CAN'T see you because he has a wife! tell him to F off! you deserve so much better than that - do not respond... or IF you respond - simply tell him to F off.
janden Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Hi all- so basically the message was that since I never message him, he's contacting me. I really think this is his way of avoiding the blame, or to blame it on miscommunication. Yeah, I've BTDT too with xMM. After our LAST ending, which was fairly civil and somewhat mutually agreed on, I left him a message a couple of days later when I knew he wouldn't be available to take the call with some information that would have been beneficial to his son. No hidden agenda. It was something he had asked me to find out and coincidentally I didn't get the info until after we ended. So I showed him the courtesy of relaying the info. Never heard back if he got it or not. And 3 weeks later when he came 'round I asked what he didn't even leave me a message telling me he got my message and thanks for the effort on behalf of his son. It was just common courtesy. He came back with some lame BS that totally cleared him of any blame. He didn't think I would want to hear from him, blah, blah. Yeah, total miscommunication. He never once in all the disappearance or times he ignored me took any responsibility for it. There are few, if any, excuses that can be said for behavior like that. Believe me, I've heard them. And even believed them, or rather justified them, until I just couldn't justify them anymore.
Jane Deaux Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Hi all- so basically the message was that since I never message him, he's contacting me. I really think this is his way of avoiding the blame, or to blame it on miscommunication. I'm processing this and will not respond until I decide what if anything to say. Very upset right now. Angry!!!!!! Very interesting... I can't even begin to imagine how he thinks that excuse would work. "Since you never message him". Doesn't he remember you had plans and he is the one who didn't contact? Is there somehow that he did contact you and you didn't get it? There have been too many times to count these last few months when my phone has not rang. I don't get calls all the time. My friends and my husband are constantly telling me they called and I didn't answer. I actually need to contact my provider and have them look into this. I say this just in case that was the issue. Did he try to contact and the contact didn't reach your phone and you assumed he just did not try? I would ONLY accept that excuse. And I'd still put him through the wringer. I wouldn't give him that opening though. But let him know that YOU WAITED on his contact so you could follow through with your plans. And HE is the one who disappeared. Tell him that is rude, disrespectful and you have no intentions of putting up with that. Then if he tells you that he did try to contact you then you can ask when and how? If he tells you anything else I can't really offer any advice on what you should say. If you still want to be with him, you will have to decide what you are willing to accept and what you will make him prove to you in order to deserve a second chance. You don't have to decide right away. You can even tell him that. That you aren't sure that he deserves anything and you will be trying to consider how you want to proceed. ...
Author autumnbethesda Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Jane, wish that was the case but we work for same company so he could have emailed or called two different #s. AND if he really did try and thinks I was not responding, it took almost 3 weeks to check? I'm humiliated. And response by me validated his impact and that I'm hurt. I think the only thing is to stay NC and ignore. If he really feels bad and really loves me like he said, he'll stop at nothing to "explain.". I don't think that's the case. Its amazing to me.
2sunny Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Very interesting... I can't even begin to imagine how he thinks that excuse would work. "Since you never message him". Doesn't he remember you had plans and he is the one who didn't contact? Is there somehow that he did contact you and you didn't get it? There have been too many times to count these last few months when my phone has not rang. I don't get calls all the time. My friends and my husband are constantly telling me they called and I didn't answer. I actually need to contact my provider and have them look into this. I say this just in case that was the issue. Did he try to contact and the contact didn't reach your phone and you assumed he just did not try? I would ONLY accept that excuse. And I'd still put him through the wringer. I wouldn't give him that opening though. But let him know that YOU WAITED on his contact so you could follow through with your plans. And HE is the one who disappeared. Tell him that is rude, disrespectful and you have no intentions of putting up with that. Then if he tells you that he did try to contact you then you can ask when and how? If he tells you anything else I can't really offer any advice on what you should say. If you still want to be with him, you will have to decide what you are willing to accept and what you will make him prove to you in order to deserve a second chance. You don't have to decide right away. You can even tell him that. That you aren't sure that he deserves anything and you will be trying to consider how you want to proceed. ... why bother? he had ways to contact her - yet he didn't. that tells her everything she needs to understand. don't even give him your power by giving it another thought = that is exactly what he wants at this juncture. she wasn't important enough to reach out before - there's no reason to take the crumbs he's offering now... even though he's accusing her of spilling the crumbs that are on the table now. grrrr don't bother. find a man that makes you his priority - not his after thought 3 weeks later.
Jane Deaux Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Ah, I see. I guess I missed that you guys worked together and he could definitely get in touch. You are right that if he really cares, no matter what his reasons for disappearing, then he will stop at nothing to explain. I guess then it still is up to you what you will accept. I'd stay NC also for now and see how far he is willing to go. And I guess if he doesn't even try, or halfa$$es it, then you will know, and you will know you are better off without him. Keep us updated. I'm still very curious about what he tries to do and say. How long it will take him to say something else considering you are ignoring him. Was it an email, or a text?
DCMNW Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Wow yeah my xMM did the same thing and tried to blame me for why communication stopped. When I questioned him as to why he suddenly went MIA he said "well I texted you last" (it was the end of a conversation, it wasn't like I didn't respond to his text) and that he doesn't understand why he always has to be the one to call me and that the phone works both ways. I guess they just really don't want to take the blame for anything...I don't get it. Now he's back to calling...the flip flopping continues. Wish I was strong enough to completely get off the rollercoaster. Right now we are in LC and are strictly keeping things "friendly" and non sexual while he figures out his life. Not sure how long I can do this though, I hope you are stronger than I am and can resist him.
Author autumnbethesda Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 I would have prefered an excuse or a simple hello--not a I'm bothering you since you don't write me. It was a bbm so he can see I read it and I'm not writing back. I feel so angry. Like what is he thinking?? Why didn't he stay gone. Why is it like he's a victim? The message didn't even have a hi or how r u--i didn't require a response. Almost like an obligatory checking in message. Maybe this is the closure I needed? To know that in the past 3 weeks I've read all this stuff on LS and baggage reclaim and I am saavy now, and I DO deserve more. And I don't have to accept this lazyyyyy communication just bc I had chemistry and a connection and felt in love. Maybe this is what I needed to be so disgusted that I let go? Thanks to you all, I'm staying NC. I'll stay in touch as I process and if there is further contact. Thank u so much for the support and encouragement. I can do this!
2sunny Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 tell him this: "i will call you then- on your home phone - and speak with your wife" that ought to take care of things. seriously - i would do that.
OpenBook Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Thanks to you all, I'm staying NC. I'll stay in touch as I process and if there is further contact. This is EXACTLY the right thing to do, IMO. Well done!! Let the b*stard twist in the wind. Take your anger to the gym. Nothing like making yourself hot Hot HOTTTT for other men to drool over - quickest way forward, guaranteed results. You GO GURL!!! :bunny:
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