Medcane26 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Hi guys just found this forum while browsing the web looking for any type of advice possible that will help me cure the way I am feeling. I have been dating a girl for 1.5 years and on Thursday she left a note on my kitchen counter basically saying how great a person I was and that she didnt want to hurt me any longer. She had been acting very strange the last 2 months and even told me she kissed another guy at work about 1 month earlier. We worked through that but something just didnt seem right. It all came to a head on Thursday when I found this letter. I know I shouldnt care and be done with the whole thing but it's soo hard. I keep thinking of all the signs I missed that i should have picked up on months earlier before I became so emotionally invested. I wish I would have ended it first. Now I am left feeling like a sucker. I am away at school and all my family live miles and miles away so it sucks that I am now left feeling very alone in a apartment that we use to live in together. How do i cope? Should I talk to her one final time? Any advice is appreciated.
WavingFlag Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Hi guys just found this forum while browsing the web looking for any type of advice possible that will help me cure the way I am feeling. I have been dating a girl for 1.5 years and on Thursday she left a note on my kitchen counter basically saying how great a person I was and that she didnt want to hurt me any longer. She had been acting very strange the last 2 months and even told me she kissed another guy at work about 1 month earlier. We worked through that but something just didnt seem right. It all came to a head on Thursday when I found this letter. I know I shouldnt care and be done with the whole thing but it's soo hard. I keep thinking of all the signs I missed that i should have picked up on months earlier before I became so emotionally invested. I wish I would have ended it first. Now I am left feeling like a sucker. I am away at school and all my family live miles and miles away so it sucks that I am now left feeling very alone in a apartment that we use to live in together. How do i cope? Should I talk to her one final time? Any advice is appreciated. Hi Medcane26, Breaking up through a letter seems (to me anyway) to be a very selfish/cowardly way to break up a relationship with someone. 1.5 years is a long time to just throw away without that "fighting chance". Most people on these forums will tell you that NC (no contact) is the way to go. From my personal experience, I know that it was not possible (at the time) for me to go straight to NC. You have to do what YOU think is right. On that same note, you have to realize that it could make the healing process much, much harder. You have to be careful not to push this girl away farther through any subsequent communication. Yes, you have to "fight" for her (if this is really what you want) but you have to be careful not to be too overbearing. It is very easy begging for that person to come back. Many girls see this as a turn-off. They expect a guy to be strong and confident, as hard as it is to be these qualities in a time like this. For me, I thought by showing a emotional side that I never really used to have, it would show my ex just how much she means to me. When she responded very nonchalantly, it hurt more than you could imagine (you also have to be prepared for her not responding at all which would be very hurtful as well). I hope this somewhat helps. I'm sure others will give their spin on the situation.
Author Medcane26 Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 Hi Wavingflag Thanks for your reply. I have not contacted her at all since I arrived home to find that letter. She tricked me the day she left by finding out what time I would be at school until and making sure she packed all her things before I got home. We had something planned later that night and I hurried home from school to make the date only to find the house empty and the letter on the counter. I immediately cried and felt sick. In the letter she mentioned she needed space. It was even her birthday yesterday and I fought the urge to call or text her. It felt really weird. I just cant believe someone I thought I knew very well is now a total stranger.
BellePerdant Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I'm kinda in the same boat. Kinda, not really. If anything, I can surely say that I FEEL your pain. I just recently broke up with my ex because I cared for him more than he cared for me, so the freshness of it all really stings. And then, because we didn't leave on bad terms, it doesn't feel "over". I can imagine, since she never talked to you face to face about breaking up, that it might have this lingering feeling... A feeling that it's just not done. If you want to take the chance to pursue her and try to win her back, then it may not be done. However, if she kissed someone else and now wants to break away from you it might already be implied that she's moved on. I broke down a few times and wanted to see my ex, so I did. I even ended up staying the night once. And then because I had a good time with him, I ended up rattling my own sense and almost wanted to just forget I ever broke up with him in the first place. So, now I'm trying the no contact thing. I personally don't think you should call her. If you do, all that's going to happen is the awkward question phase, answers that are only going to suck and make you feel bad. Just get a head start getting over her now. If I sound abrasive about this, my apologies. I really do know what you're going through though and I'm only trying to help reduce any further heartache.
optimistgirl Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Medcane, I am so sorry. That IS the most cowardly way to break up with someone and it shows absolutely no sensitivity....especially after being with someone for over a year. Wow. As WavingFlag said, No Contact is definitely the way to go. In my case, I did contact the guy that broke up with me one last time because I needed closure and if that's what you need to do to be able to move on, then do it...but only make an exception 1 time. I'm sure you know this already, but try to maintain your dignity and whatever you do, don't beg her to come back. Just let her go, as hard as that may be. You're going to feel angry, sad, hurt, confused and these are all normal. Allow yourself the time to grieve. I have been in NC for 1 month now and it's still hard, but I've survived and you can too. Journaling has really helped me get my emotions out. I've also reconnected with some old friends and I've been trying to stay busy. I think the hardest part is accepting that things are over. When you're able to accept it, it's much easier to move on. I'm working on accepting that the relationship is over and that he's not going to come back to me. Everytime I wish for that, I have to give myself a little tough love and remind myself to stop living in a fantasy. Remember, it's not your fault...she's the one that has the problem, not you. Your value as a person has not been diminished with her out of your life. You'll be okay eventually.
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