SimonSerenade Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 So it's basically been 9 months since my ex made the split with me, I feel I've been through the worst pain I'll ever experience in this life time but now I look back, I realise everything the terrible woman put me through and how I should of left her a long time a go, she sabotaged all of this for herself, I had a break through the other day, I thought back on her and thought "she was fat, ugly and miserable all along" and laughed, maybe for 10 minutes straight, it felt great to be honest, I hardly ever think about her any more. Now to the new problem I'm phased with, I've been getting to know one of my friends a lot lately, been hanging round with her quite a bit, she's a pretty girl and extremely nice, we've slept together twice and we seem to be getting close and I know people would be saying "whey! that's great" lol and I should be saying the exact same thing but I'm not, I feel depressed and I don't know why, I feel like if I give somebody a try again then it'll eventually reach an end like the last one did, I've never been like this before, I think I must of lost a lot of faith in love and romance and all that when my ex left, I feel I need to detach myself from this girl before I get really hurt, I wish I knew more about this feeling because I don't see why I'm feeling like this, advice anyone?
broken-and-lost Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Hey m8, it's simple really your scared because the pain is fresh in your mind and it still cuts like a knife, But you can never give into fear that's the last thing you should do life is a risk full stop! and it's about moments that you either grab or they pass you by. Do not let what happened in your last relationship, take this moment away from you just take it slow, if your feeling down i suggest you look at possible help as the problem maybe issues you've not resolved do not let them be a factor on taking this moment away from you..............
stopthemadness Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 So it's basically been 9 months since my ex made the split with me, I feel I've been through the worst pain I'll ever experience in this life time but now I look back, I realise everything the terrible woman put me through and how I should of left her a long time a go, she sabotaged all of this for herself, I had a break through the other day, I thought back on her and thought "she was fat, ugly and miserable all along" and laughed, maybe for 10 minutes straight, it felt great to be honest, I hardly ever think about her any more. Now to the new problem I'm phased with, I've been getting to know one of my friends a lot lately, been hanging round with her quite a bit, she's a pretty girl and extremely nice, we've slept together twice and we seem to be getting close and I know people would be saying "whey! that's great" lol and I should be saying the exact same thing but I'm not, I feel depressed and I don't know why, I feel like if I give somebody a try again then it'll eventually reach an end like the last one did, I've never been like this before, I think I must of lost a lot of faith in love and romance and all that when my ex left, I feel I need to detach myself from this girl before I get really hurt, I wish I knew more about this feeling because I don't see why I'm feeling like this, advice anyone? Hi, Ive been following your posts as youve been on here about as long as me. Soo glad to hear your doing better and really glad to hear about your healing. I too am feeling better but i know iam not ready for a heavy relationship. I too have a "friend" but he knows ive been through a rough breakup and well i guess is waiting for me. I know that sounds messed up cause in a way it is. But I see a therapist and she says look hes an adult he knows the situation and he can decide on his own. And He is my friend and i am his.. My advice is go talk to a therapist at least for a few times, but dont stop seeing your new person not if your REALLY onto her. I KNOW my "friend" is NOT my next relationship guy Iam just not feeling it. But if you are i dont think you should just close that door. Keep us posted..good luck
Author SimonSerenade Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 Thanks for the kind replies, I'm going to make some appointments to see a therapist first thing in the morning, throughout the breakup I've been too depressed to really see anyone about it, if that makes sense :S it didn't to me lol but I think I've got some lingering issues from this break up still, I've accepted that she's gone and I'll never be with her again and I'm fine, just got to get this fear out of my head now that everyone I'm with in the future is a destined failure, got to find some way of breaking the barrier, I do like this girl, she's going through a breakup at the moment too so can't see us getting together for quite a while, that's even if we get together, I've liked her for years, even before my ex came along but she was always with someone else so never really had a shot with her at that point, at the moment were getting to know each other and just taking things as they come, the thing that scared me the most is that when I got intimate with her I felt something for her and maybe it's the fact that it's the first person I've felt something for since my ex that's caused this.
Tayla Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 That wasnt a break thru you were having when you were putting the X down. It was your ego trying to still recover. When true peace comes to you and the healing has met it terms you will actually feel no ill or longing for the X but instead a more mature outlook of it being a learning experience. I would suggest not getting the other suitor hurt by your preconceived notion that they are out to hurt you. That is terribly judgmental to place upon them. They are taking a risk too . Its a known fact that I have seen thru years of observation and it goes like this: You will do unto others, as has been done to you. An adult would halt that vicious cycle, but not til the lesson was learned. Get therepy, your healing may have hit a stall.
Author SimonSerenade Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 That's possibly the most sensible thing I've ever heard and it makes so much sense, I feel I am over the whole thing but maybe not so much over her completely, I'm going to get in touch with a therapist and iron out my issues before I get involved with anybody now, I think at the moment I'm happier with it just being me and my son and concentrating solely on that
SoulFinger Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Hi Simon, I have read all your threads mate and I do know how difficult it all can be and you have been through a lot in your life and you're only 23. I'm double your age and a bit lol. I have gone through a lot sh*t in my life and my last break up is again doing my head in.I also made a thread on this website to get some advice and I'm trying my best to be strong and get through it all. I do hope you do what you believe is best for you and your son and I will keep reading your progress.Keep us informed Simon and stay strong mate. All the best,Soulfinger
Author SimonSerenade Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 Thank you very much mate, the last 9 months have felt like I've been through hell and back, been feeling a lot better though in the past few months, I think meeting my grandad for the first time made me feel a lot better and brightened up my life quite a bit , sort of felt like a new chapter in my life and I needed that chapter to move on I think, I've been thinking things through good and hard and learned that at the moment the best thing for me and Lucas is for it to be just me and him from now on for quite a long time so stopping whatever's happening with this girl I'd been getting to know, I shouldn't of even started, I knew I wasn't ready, I felt like I had to hide most of what I had to say because I couldn't open up about what happened so found myself lying half of time so it's best that I'm alone really how's thing been going with you?
SoulFinger Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Simon,I believe that if you are not quite ready yet for this girl or anyone else for that sake you shouldn't do it. As you have mentioned you would like to have some quality time with your son and that is very commendable. When you feel ready and you know when that is you will want to meet someone new.Just give it time and listen to your heart. I'm doing ok thanks for asking.I did have a weak moment last night after I found out a few things about my ex but luckily I didn't break the n/c. Today I'm feeling a bit stronger and I have been out and about and spoke to some really nice people...a change of scenery can work a treat lol. Stay strong mate and keep us posted of your developments.
flitzanu Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 devils advocate here...but have you considered you're not into this girl? nowhere in your post did you sound like you were, just that "she's pretty i guess, we have fun..." you're not like 'omg this girl is really awesome and i love hanging out with her!" just saying...maybe you're depressed because you don't even want to date this "friend" of yours.
bl22 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Im going to reply to this even though we talk on msn most nights...haha Clearly you are not ready to enter into a new relationship. Depressed? Thats the last thing you should be feeling, remember how you feel before your breakup when getting to know someone new. Everythings amazing, you love life, life is great...like that scene out of 500 days of summer where he walking down the street not a care in the world...thats what it should feel like. youve come a very long way, more so than me I think, I havent even had the slightest possiblity of getting with someone new yet and i think its a good thing, although kinda depressing. I think what youre enjoying here is the attention side of it....it definately sounds like your rebounding.
Duckduckgoose Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Well you're gonna have to rebound eventually might as well make it a fun experience. I was worried about the first person I get involved with after my D... then I realized that you know what? **** it. It might not work out but if I tell them up front what is going on and they still choose to pursue then if things don't work they knew what they were up against. If I am going to rebound I might as well enjoy myself doing it damn.
Author SimonSerenade Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Thanks for all the replies, they've really helped me gather some perspective on the situation, to be honest, it's very rare that I think of her any more, I couldn't really care less if I hear from her or not, I'm in no way ever tempted to get in contact with her, for the past few months I've just been going out enjoying myself and keeping myself really busy, came to the conclusion that I'm happy at the moment, Just me, Lucas, some good friends and football (soccer), don't really need anything else, I'll be sure to never need another human being again, I feel I learned a great deal from the break up and grew very strong as a person through out it, much more of a person now than I ever was, I feel I'm much happier now without her, she wasn't all she was cracked up to be after all. The change of scenery from being out and about does help actually, better than sitting in like I had been doing for months staring at the same old 4 walls, I do like the girl I've been hanging about with, always have a good laugh together and get on like a house on fire, might very well be a rebound but yeah it's a pretty good one lol called it quits though now, decided I don't really want to bother with that kind of stuff for a good few months or so, took me a long time to be happy on my own and now that I'm happy I'm going to keep it that way I'll know when the time and person is right.
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