rocketboy9 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 In the last few weeks I have had a string of rejections and I am fine with it. I was friendly with them before and am still friendly with them. Its always good to have more friends. That being said both torqued me a little the other day. The first one was chatting with me and started crying to me about how she cant find a good man. I am not sure exactly what she wants but I do know she likes the muscle guys. When she said it, I just shrugged my shoulders and was like ok, and? The second one keeps going back to some guy whom she is having issues with. Like he withdraws emotionally, doesnt communicate, blah, blah. Yet she tells me that they have to work on their issues. And than cries to me how hard it is to find a good guy. I was sitting there thinking that if you have issues and you are not even married yet, what kind of issues are you going to have when you are married. You should have to work on issues while you are still dating. I feel like smacking both of them on the head and say listen up - you make poor decisions in whom to date yet you are whining about not being able to find a good guy? Give me a break. Why do women do this? Neither one of them are 21 years old. Both are in their early 30s.
MarlyStar Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Some woman looked at you and said, "I can't find a good man"? Did you ask her what am I, chopped liver? Very tacky. People like what they like, and some go after unsuitable people. Men do this just as often as women do. Don't believe otherwise.
Author rocketboy9 Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 I never said that men dont select the wrong women. The big difference is most guys dont sit there and complain about where are all the good women. Usually they are complaining about not getting dates at all.
lovingADove Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Women are very complex human beings ... some are so complex, they don't even understand who they are and what they want ... but it is all good.
Professor X Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Men and women are very different. Womens (most) way to coop with things is via crying and complaining while most men will go into this "quite zone" in their head and just think of nothing. Besides, what baffles me is as to why do you hang with them? You asked them on a date, they both refused you and they both came to you and told you how they can't find man. Don't you find this a little bit disrespectful? I guess you like it in the "friendship zone" of those you were attracted to =) I would say either something a long the lines of what MarlyStar suggested or would have given a small bite in the form of a remark such as "Takes one to date one" - yeah, a bit modified.
Author rocketboy9 Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 (edited) Men and women are very different. Womens (most) way to coop with things is via crying and complaining while most men will go into this "quite zone" in their head and just think of nothing. Besides, what baffles me is as to why do you hang with them? You asked them on a date, they both refused you and they both came to you and told you how they can't find man. Don't you find this a little bit disrespectful? I guess you like it in the "friendship zone" of those you were attracted to =) I would say either something a long the lines of what MarlyStar suggested or would have given a small bite in the form of a remark such as "Takes one to date one" - yeah, a bit modified. I was friendly with them before and still am friendly with them. I decided that instead of cutting them off like most guys, to try to approach it differently this time. I guess it could be viewed as disrespectful. Hey, maybe they have friends I can hook up with . Edited April 17, 2011 by rocketboy9
Nexus One Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I feel like smacking both of them on the head and say listen up - you make poor decisions in whom to date yet you are whining about not being able to find a good guy? Give me a break. Why do women do this? What you're describing actually correlates perfectly with that story I posted in your previous thread. Are you sure you want to pursue those kind of women?
gaius Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 There are women who just try and craft an image that they are totally unwanted and desolate of options even if that's not the reality. They know full well that this is an effective way of getting attention from both men and other women. You actually have to look no further then some of the fruits on this forum to find a good example of this.
carhill Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 OP, friendship test: Share a bit of your angst about relationships (which I presume you have some of) and gauge the reaction. It's really good guidance as to next steps with such friends. Keep an open mind and accept the real. I offer this since you assert these women are your friends and have no romantic interest in you. Now, decide if they are sincerely your friends or merely like you around as a tampon. Good luck
iris219 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 When women say they can’t find “a good man,” they mean “a good man for them.” Their comment had nothing to do with you as it had already been established that you aren’t good for them (though, I’m sure really good for others.) One of my closest friends is a single guy. We both talk to each other about how hard it is to find good men and good women. I don’t in any way take it personally because I wouldn’t be good for him. I don’t see a problem with what your female friends did because that’s what friends do—talk to each other about their relationship issues. I think these women would want to hear about your dating woes as well.
Nexus One Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 There are women who just try and craft an image that they are totally unwanted and desolate of options even if that's not the reality. They know full well that this is an effective way of getting attention from both men and other women. You actually have to look no further then some of the fruits on this forum to find a good example of this. There's actually some serious irony in that, because when a woman starts playing the pity card and starts crying over it, then players will pick up on that weakness and exploit that. I've actually had a guy once tell me: "The best moment to go down on a woman is when she's sad, because that's when she's weak and that's when you can exploit it. After you got what you wanted you simply just disappear. Just make sure you don't do that to fat girls, because they will not go away." (that's not from the same guy from the story in OP's previous thread by the way) I kind of feel bad for some women, but they should set some standards for themselves and think more thoroughly about their choices. I've always found that people jump the gun too quickly when it comes to choosing a partner. There's a reason why only 1 in 10 couples stay in love with each other for the rest of their lives and why only 1 in 20 will do so AND be loyal. That being said, the pity card is not attractive to me. 1
Wolf18 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 When women say they can’t find “a good man,” they mean “a good man for them.” Their comment had nothing to do with you as it had already been established that you aren’t good for them (though, I’m sure really good for others.) One of my closest friends is a single guy. We both talk to each other about how hard it is to find good men and good women. I don’t in any way take it personally because I wouldn’t be good for him. I don’t see a problem with what your female friends did because that’s what friends do—talk to each other about their relationship issues. I think these women would want to hear about your dating woes as well. what does it mean that you're not good for eachother, are you just not sexually attracted to him? Any woman I could call my close friend (when it's so hard for me to find women that are personality-compatible) is absolutely an eligible candidate for a relationship to me. I would make huge leeways for a girls looks if she can get along with me like one of my male friends! I think for most guys this is true. Women are the ones who talk about "being good for eachother" to their good male friends, and it's usually because of looks. what is the real reason you don't date your male friends?
Darren Taylor Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Some women can't recognize a good man, even if he were right in front of her. Those are the women to avoid. They have major issues and some of them are bat sh*t crazy.
Wolf18 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 The real tragedy about women who overlook their male friends is that they are too stupid to know when to cash in their chips. A lot of women have a decent looking male friend, whose reliable and honest, and gets along with them really well, but women would rather hold out for a guy whose got the same personality but is 6' instead of 5'8, or has all of this and millions of dollars. Problem with this is like the stock trader who gets greedy and doesn't sell when his stocks spike. As he waits for it to go higher and higher, in a blink of an eye it crashes into a fraction of the value he paid for it and he winds up with nothing. That's going to happen to all of you women who do this, think of this as a warning.
motive2002 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 OP I spent a good portion of my younger life talking to women that weren't interested in me, but they were glad to have me around to confide to about their crummy relationships and to get their needed ego-boost (because they knew I was attracted to them) The whole thing is a GIANT WASTE OF TIME. Women have GIRLFRIENDS for that. Don't be a girlfriend, be a MAN. Also asking a woman what they are looking for in a man is another COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. Just be yourself and work on traits that YOU feel are admirable.. like having goals, integrity etc.. Try being the type of person you want to attract. It's all too common for women to declare what they want in a man, only to turn 'round and date the complete opposite for reasons even the most advanced minds in this world will never ever understand.
gaius Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 There's actually some serious irony in that, because when a woman starts playing the pity card and starts crying over it, then players will pick up on that weakness and exploit that. I've actually had a guy once tell me: "The best moment to go down on a woman is when she's sad, because that's when she's weak and that's when you can exploit it. After you got what you wanted you simply just disappear. Just make sure you don't do that to fat girls, because they will not go away." (that's not from the same guy from the story in OP's previous thread by the way) I kind of feel bad for some women, but they should set some standards for themselves and think more thoroughly about their choices. I've always found that people jump the gun too quickly when it comes to choosing a partner. There's a reason why only 1 in 10 couples stay in love with each other for the rest of their lives and why only 1 in 20 will do so AND be loyal. That being said, the pity card is not attractive to me. Yeah. It's kind of a sick way to live as you will never get any kind of healthy relationship going. Either players or easily manipulated white knights, neither of which make good partners. I'll admit it's hard for me to not go over and give a girl I see crying or upset a hug. It's a technique that works. I'm getting better at sorting out the ones that just do it for attention from the ones that are genuinely upset though.
Woggle Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 If they wanted a good man they would find one so leave them alone.
dispatch3d Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 In the last few weeks I have had a string of rejections and I am fine with it. I was friendly with them before and am still friendly with them. Its always good to have more friends. That being said both torqued me a little the other day. The first one was chatting with me and started crying to me about how she cant find a good man. I am not sure exactly what she wants but I do know she likes the muscle guys. When she said it, I just shrugged my shoulders and was like ok, and? The second one keeps going back to some guy whom she is having issues with. Like he withdraws emotionally, doesnt communicate, blah, blah. Yet she tells me that they have to work on their issues. And than cries to me how hard it is to find a good guy. I was sitting there thinking that if you have issues and you are not even married yet, what kind of issues are you going to have when you are married. You should have to work on issues while you are still dating. I feel like smacking both of them on the head and say listen up - you make poor decisions in whom to date yet you are whining about not being able to find a good guy? Give me a break. Why do women do this? Neither one of them are 21 years old. Both are in their early 30s. Both of them would be relegated in the friend list for this behaviour. I would hang out with them if I had nothing else to do, but given a good-friend invite they would be relegated to second option. Like assume 6ish friends labelled: Friend A, B, C, D, E, F, G Ranked (looosely by how fun they are!!!): 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 They would have moved from potential love interest, to friend 7. Note that ranks 1-6 could at any time erode/die off (due to them being insecure, you being insecure and ****ing it up, they move away, etc.). For that reason you don't want to toss them out (plus it's kinda retarded to just be like I don't want to be friends, what are you 7? ;-)). But there are people around who I get along with, and don't bug me about their emotional bull****. These are the people I would hang out with instead of them...
johan Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 There are many different definitions of what "good man" means. They were talking about theirs. You were thinking yours. They don't match.
iris219 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 what does it mean that you're not good for eachother, are you just not sexually attracted to him? Any woman I could call my close friend (when it's so hard for me to find women that are personality-compatible) is absolutely an eligible candidate for a relationship to me. I would make huge leeways for a girls looks if she can get along with me like one of my male friends! I think for most guys this is true. Women are the ones who talk about "being good for eachother" to their good male friends, and it's usually because of looks. what is the real reason you don't date your male friends? Our incompatibility goes way beyond sexual attraction. There is no way we would work in a relationship. We have completely different values and worldviews. We have completely different interests. If you knew the two of us, you would see how obvious this is. There is absolutely no spark because of how dissimilar we are, yet somehow we work really well as friends. I hate hearing that most guys would date their female friends. To me, it cheapens the friendship because there seems to be some dishonesty there.
johan Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I hate hearing that most guys would date their female friends. To me, it cheapens the friendship because there seems to be some dishonesty there. Male/female friendships do tend to be cheap and based on a fundamental lie. The majority of them anyway. Ask Sparky.
irc333 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Besides, what baffles me is as to why do you hang with them? You asked them on a date, they both refused you and they both came to you and told you how they can't find man. I often wonder if these women who say this to a guy, is it done on purpose with the expecting him to get mad at them? Perhaps provide some kind of "Well, how bout you date me?" kind of come back? "If you quit dating these jerks, why not give me a shot?" You know, put them on the spot with such an arguement.
irc333 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Male/female friendships do tend to be cheap and based on a fundamental lie. The majority of them anyway. Ask Sparky. Yeah, and some decide to cheapen it even more so by proposing. LOL (j/k)
Nexus One Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I often wonder if these women who say this to a guy, is it done on purpose with the expecting him to get mad at them? Perhaps provide some kind of "Well, how bout you date me?" kind of come back? "If you quit dating these jerks, why not give me a shot?" You know, put them on the spot with such an arguement. Well since he already asked those girls, but got rejected, then the fact that those girls are talking like that to him is almost like stabbing a dagger in his back and then twisting it. It's an insult and those girls know it. While I think it's awesome that he took those rejections well, that doesn't mean he has to put up with their crap and mind games.
Author rocketboy9 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 Well since he already asked those girls, but got rejected, then the fact that those girls are talking like that to him is almost like stabbing a dagger in his back and then twisting it. It's an insult and those girls know it. While I think it's awesome that he took those rejections well, that doesn't mean he has to put up with their crap and mind games. They wanted to continue being friendly so I thought to myself I could always use more friends, right? This is the part I dont understand. You know that I was interested in you so why would you say this stuff to me. I find it bizarre. I will be honest it irked but not enough to get angry, I just figured you are messed up and have issues. From my reading lots of guys would cut them off and never speak to them again. I decided to go against the grain and go with the flow. I am so sure its a wise decision.
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