NikkEliz Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 So my fiancé broke up with me..about a month and a half ago. Our wedding was supposed to me July 2 of this year.We were together for like 5+ years, and lived together for most of that time. Needless to say, I'm not taking it all so well. Basically, he says that for like the last 5 months or so he has felt different about us, but never said anything to me, or anyone else. He says that he still loves/cares about me but he doesn't feel that he is IN love with me. So after he told me this, and we talked/cried about it, he said he still wanted to try to make it work, to see if his feelings would come back, but like 4 days later he didn't feel like he could try and called everything off and officially broke up with me. We are doing everything possible to still remain the best of friends, and we are not completely closing the door on the idea that his feelings may change in the future but for now, best friends is all we are. He says that if his feelings do start to change back to being more than friends, I will be the first to know. This is all really hard for me. Especially since I still love (and am IN love) with him and he doesn't feel the same. The worst part is that I feel like if he had brought up his feeling earlier we could have talked about it and fixed things. We haven't got to spend a whole lot of time together as a couple since he started back at school (3 year ago), and especially since this last year started in September. I was unaware that this was as big of a problem as it was. I just figured that he needed to focus on school, and as much as I missed hanging out with him and stuff, I figured we had our whole lives for that and school had to be done now, so I didn't push for him to take more time to spend with me/on us. If i had known, I would have.... So I feel not only devastatingly sad, but also hurt, and upset that he basically lied to me for months saying that he loved me. And that he'd never leave me. I feel angry that I didn't get a chance to fight for this relationship because I would have fought with everything I had. And I feel utterly worthless because I/This relationship didn't matter enough to him to even want to try to make things work. (He felt he was 'trying' those 5 months he had doubts, but it isn't really trying if he never even talked to me about his feelings.) Currently, we are still living together. Neither of us can afford to move out on our own for the time being. He's just finishing up school (done at the end of the month) and I am starting school in May. I have signed a lease for a new apartment for July and we are planning for him to keep living here with me until then so that he can support me at least through my first semester (which is only may and June) since I supported him while he went back to school. We live in a relatively large house so we are in different rooms a lot, but its still hard. I feel like it would be harder without him here though. Its hard to completely explain how I feel. He is my best friend. He is the only person I have ever known, including my family, that 100% gets me. He always has, and still does. He also says that I am one of this best friends too and he doesn't want to loose that. (And I definitely don't want to loose that part of our relationship either, even if I can't have him as anything more than a best friend) So ya. I don't know what else to say right now... I'm just ...I dunno. depressed/hurt/a bit mad/numb.... Sorry if this post doesn't entirely make sense. It's still a bit hard to think through all of this...
dragonfly22 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Nikk your post could have been written by me. Our stories are exactly the same except for minor details. I don't really know what to say except that I understand how you feel, and I'm in awful pain. I'm also hurt that my ex-fiance didn't say anything before about his feelings. The only thing that is different is that my ex-fiance says he knows our relationship has absolutely no future and he needs to move on with his life. He said he is ready to date again and to pursue other people romantically. He even told me "to be honest there is a girl at work that has always seemed interesting and now that I'm single again I think I will try and date her so please go on with your life, don't wait for me because I'm moving on." My ex has been unbelievably cold about this. This of course adds to the pain. Last week I thought I had a loving fiance and this week he just told me to "go on with my life" without him. At first I thought he would regret it after a few days but now I know he is never coming back. I just cannot believe it. I cannot believe my life and future dreams just fell apart. And I feel so rejected. So sorry, no advice here but I KNOW how you are feeling. I do hope it gets easier with time...
Author NikkEliz Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 I'm sorry to hear you are going through this too. I know how much it sucks. It does seem very cold, and almost just cruel the may he says those things to you. I can't even imagine what I'd do if my ex told me he was dating or even ready to date again yet. I know what you mean about losing your future and dreams too. To be honest, my entire life, I never really felt like I had a direction or a purpose. I could never picture a 'future' at all. Until I met my ex. Everything fell into place so perfectly with him and all of a sudden I could picture my entire future, and it was everything I could have ever wanted, and everything I never knew I wanted. Now, its like not only have I lost him, but I've lost all of that. Everything I've been doing for the past 5ish years has been to build that future that we both wanted so much. And now, its just gone and I have nothing. I don't really know where to go from here with my life. It feels like your reading a book, get to the good part and turn the page and its just blank. and all the rest of the pages are blank. There is nothing after this. That's how I feel. I'm still going to go back to school in May, but to be honest, the main reason I choose this career path was because it would fit in perfectly with our plan. I'm not 100% positive right now that it is even something I would want to do without the rest of that future in place... I just feel so completely lost and like my life in empty and has no purpose anymore.
timchambo Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I went through the same thing after a 7 year RL. In my case my ex fiance was dating another man the day she left. I dont know if that is always the case, but it sure seems pretty common that there is someone else in the picture. I am almost 4 months out now from our split. Luckily I was aware of the other guy so I cut ties immediately. It sounds like you will be living together so this will be very hard on you since you wont be able to cut ties. Just know when that time does come the healing will truly begin then. Each day gets better, to the point where I was able to answer her phone call recently without feeling pain. All those feelings your feeling now are completely normal. Keep your head up. You just have to go through the motions for now. Find some friends and family to lean on right now, its crucial.
CiCi730 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Hi All, I thought I was reading my same story today. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. On Monday, my fiance whom I've been with for 6 years left me out of nowhere. I am completely heartbroken and don't know what to do! We had such a great weekend and then when I came home from work Monday he had packed his things and said he was going to his parent's house. The worst part is that his parents live in Morocco! I felt like it was unreal, like a movie! Was this really happening?! Obviously he had time to get used to the idea he was leaving me. How could he act so normal the day before?!?! He had a plane ticket! I feel so shattered. If I knew something was wrong in our relationship, I too would have liked a fair chance of fighting for us! Now that he's in Africa, we talked via skype online and it was like I was talking to a stranger!!! He was so cold in saying he never saw himself married to me, never saw kids with me. He said it was over and for me to move on. That he wants me to be happy and that he knows I will find happiness again someday. I can't believe he could let me go so easily. He said he was trying so hard to make it work for the past year! In fact last week he had told me he was happy! WTF?! If I had only known the truth! Logic and my mind tell me to move on. To get over him. That I don't need a guy like this in my life. But my heart can't let go. The urge to call him or skype with him is overwhelming. I can't focus at work because all I want to do is cry. I am so lost right now. The thought of even meeting someone else sickens me. Dating sounds exhausting. Actually how am I going to ever open my heart to someone else trust ever again? The bad thing is that I would give anything to be in his arms again. Is there hope? I am trying to move on, but it hasn't even been a week. I have been working out at the gym, cleaning, taking walks. But I still feel hopeless. Not sure what to do from here...???
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