SweetDaphne Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Tonight has been rough. One of those self-pity night’s that I can’t seem to snap out of. I’m having a hard time controlling my emotions so I’m putting them down here in hopes of getting them down, out, and over for a little while. After watching a romantic comedy where in the end the girls gets the love of her life and after reading another e-mail from an online dating site where the guy seems nice, but is already starting to rub me weird, I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever find a guy. One who I’ll love and who will love me back. Both for who we are and so on. I’ve gone on dates, had boyfriends, both LTR and a few months long, and I honestly can’t say if I’ve been in love at any point in my life. I thought by now, at 27, I’d have the husband and a kid on the way. Instead I was the perpetual bridemaid and am now watching my friends get pregnant and have a baby. Everything I want but just haven’t found the right guy to do it with yet. I’m getting so frustrated and scared that this is it – that I’ll never find him. That I’m either too picky, too big, too nice, too ‘good girl’, too close to my family, etc that I won’t find a guy I’m compatible with. To top it off – the one guy I thought I was going to marry, who broke off our relationship two years ago because he wasn’t ready for marriage, will be getting married to his fiancé in a few months. It just doesn’t seem fair and at times it seems hopeless. Thanks for reading my ramblings – I’m sorry I just needed to get it out in hopes it’d stop the flow of tears that were started by the movie and then just kept going.
Rinnix Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I tend to avoid romance movies, they are enjoyable, but they just aren't realistic. I don't need a knight on a white horse, I'm perfectly fine with the guy who had to settle for a donkey. Don't be down on yourself, focus on the good qualities you have, and what good you can give. The more positive you are about yourself, the better you will look to others. Noticing what's great about you will do wonders for your confidence in yourself as well. You shouldn't put so much pressure on meeting the right guy, just go with the flow. Go where life takes you, be open to meeting different types of people. Have fun with your life. The less you worry about finding "the one" the easier it is to meet people. Live without expectation, and try not to be too picky. Flaws do make people more beautiful after all. I hope your mood changes soon
mortensorchid Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I've been there as well. I'm 36 and thought I would be married with kids as well by this age, but I'm so far from it it's not even funny. With one exception, all of the boyfriends I've had are now married with children after saying that they didn't want to get married / have children. Everyone's got their contradictions. Doesn't mean you should give up, it's ok to take in some self pity but don't be depressed to the point that you are bringing others down. Avoid triggers like those romantic comedies though, they can make us all depressed. Ha ha ha ...
chuckles11 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Given that the median age for first marriage for women in the U.S. is 26, I'm pretty sure you'll be o.k. Look at it this way, settling with someone who is incompatible is worse than being alone.
watermelonjuice Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Funny I should see this thread tonight. OP, I feel quite similar. I suddenly felt self pity for my social life (I usually have a relatively good one), which didn't help because it then made me think of how I'm lacking in the SO department. So I feel helpless that I don't have anyone (friends or SO). We know that's not true but it's how I feel right now. Hope you feel better soon.
Author SweetDaphne Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 Thank you all for your kind words and support. I'm much better now after the water ducts have stopped and I got a good nights sleep. To those who mentioned not getting to the depression stage or bringing others down, don't worry I'm not there. It was more a moment of extreme self-pity over things I want but don't have....yet. I know I'll get there, but as Rinnix said I have to 'go where life takes me.' And hope it'll involve a husband and kids in the future.
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