shawn923 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 How does it help? If at all? Im just curious, Im just past week 1 of NC after 2 n half months of chasing her after our breakup. I was dumped because of an (honestly) petty insecurity reason that came from OUTTA NOWHERE. shes done MUCH worse that i coulda got mad over but didnt. Anyways, Shes got a new bf now who i think is a rebound. Im not looking for reconciliation, but it would be nice to know the option will be available. Im doing well with NC... the pain is HONESTLY getting rapidly better. And yea we shared a great relationship, damn near perfect, she met my whole family, talked about marriage, madly in love, blah blah blah. Will this at all make her realize the grass isnt greener? Just asking because im curious, dont take it the wrong way lol I know better i wont be breaking NC ANYTIME soon...
PelicanPete Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Gotta give it lots of time. You can still be on good terms after a break up if you'd like, could even turn out to being friends again one day, but you have to make sure all romantic feelings are gone and you're completely over it before you try to jump into it or else it will be messy. Honestly though, I believe the dumper should be the one trying hard for reconciliation. I don't mean by throwing bread crumbs but actually saying they still want to be your friend and that your still a huge part of their life blablabla. If the dumper doesn't want to seriously reconcile, then it isn't worth the effort and it would be best to just cut your losses and forget about them.
nana841121 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Human being is funny, it's a cliche you have heard long time ago. the most desirable man or woman is the one out of reach. cause your fantasy and imagination will fill up the gap between you and her/him In this way, you can direct your own love life with the one you want to be with one movie line from Woddy Allen's movie <you will meet a tall dark stranger> said "sometimes, illusion is better than medicine"
carhill Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 NC is healthy to effect psychological healing. If reconciliation is a result of the achieved neutral state and a new relationship starts, then NC would be considered to be contributory, in that it 'healed' the person to enable a balanced perspective upon the new relationship potential. It's not a tool to manipulate, though some see it that way. OP, I sympathize with your hurt, but it does you no good to speculate about your ex'es activities or associations. Accepting the real is your path to healing. If that healing results in a healthy reconciliation down the road, bonus. Think of this as one step along the path. Hopefully you'll have a lot more steps before you die. Make them count.
WTRanger Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Im not looking for reconciliation, but it would be nice to know the option will be available. Then you are looking for reconciliation. Stop kidding yourself. Shoot, even the title of your thread was about reconciliation. You seem to think that this will all be okay in a matter of minutes, days, at max a few weeks. What you really need is months of NC. For starters, stop thinking about her and her new bf. That's not going to do you any good to analyze what you may feel that relationship is. What if they get married and live happily ever after? Are you going to be the 90-year old man hoping that their relationship was just a rebound?
Author shawn923 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Well of course i still want to be with her. That'll probably never change... I still love her. I just asked how long is it until usually they realize what they lost? If it sounds like im kidding myself then sorry i didnt mean to come off that way. Like i said, NC has definitely been helping me, a lot faster than i expected. Shes even tried to contact me and got ignored, so im definitely ready to move on... I was just curious to see how long NC was implemented before a second chance was even possible. From what i've read around, its AT LEAST 3 months. Ive completed one week lol. With my other ex, she DID come back and want reconciliation after i made all these same mistakes in high school. I just dont remember how long it was before she turned around. And when she came back i declined her offer... Were good friends now. She still wants to be with me to this day, and i may give her another chance now. Anyways, i guess 3 months is a good place to start. My semester at school is over on may 1, so i dont even have to see her at school anymore, even though i avoid her as best i can. With the lack of her seeing me, and being out of sight and mind for the summer, hopefully that speeds the GIGS process up...
confused1989 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 (edited) Hey shawn first of all I can't imagine how crappy this must be for you. But I think instead of setting a timeline with regards to "how long is it until they realize what they lost" you should just assume that maybe she will never realize that at all. I like what Ranger is saying, what if they do get married and live happily ever after? All her attention is on this new guy now and that's the crappy reality of it but I read a lot of your posts and there was indications that you did see this coming and that your pleading would not pay off and she would end up with someone else, and well unfortunately that's what happened and that sucks ass but it's the way it is and you have no control over that. I knwo where you're coming from though man. You want her to miss you, you want her to realize that she made a mistake. Well you can't predict that it will ever happen. I want my ex to do the same but we are not fortune tellers. I think as time goes on and you keep doing NC that you'll care less and less about whether she comes back or not anyway. But you got to really want to move on. You say that you are willing to but like Ranger said it sounds like you want to reconcile and that shouldn't be on your mind at all right now, and if you think 3 months from today that she'll all of a sudden want you back then I think that's an unrealistic goal. It could be 10 years it could be never. Just don't wait around man. What if she does break up with this guy eventually and you're still waiting around for her and you read into this and think it's because she wants you back but she just jumps on to a different guy again? Anything can happen and it will just suck if you wait around. Right now youre in a similar position as me. You had a rough time the past little while and it was even harder being in the same school as her, I know how you feel. But now school is almost over for both of us and I'm starting to get excited and making plans for the summer without having to worry about bumping into her anywhere. My plan is that in September she won't even cross my mind anymore, I'm definitely not sitting around with a timeline hoping that she'll miss me, I have control over my summer and it's up to me to make it good, and I'm going to make sure I do make it good. Please man don't look at your summer as you 'hope it speeds the GIGS process up'. What about you? Don't go focusing on that the whole summer man. There is a lot of time between now and the next semester, this is a great time for you to go and have fun and do new things and just spoil yourself and not worry about her. I hope the best for you man. Edited April 17, 2011 by confused1989
Fufu Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 (edited) And yea we shared a great relationship, damn near perfect, she met my whole family, talked about marriage, madly in love, blah blah blah. Will this at all make her realize the grass isnt greener? The truth is no one will ever know if she will come back to you or realize the grass isn't greener. This is NC for me.. I usually post the followings when people ask what's NC for. NC is mainly and solely for yourself, for yourself to move on from the past broken and failed relationship and discover what you can do for yourself without your ex being in your life anymore. That little hope that he/she will come back for you will only hinder your healing process. This may sound cruel and mean to some of you but it is the fact if you do want to start moving forward and be happy again. If your ex bf/gf is truly in love with you and realize they made the BIGGEST mistake, let him/her be the one to initiate the SINCERE contact and action to get you back. By then, you would have already moved on and will be able to think logically if he/she is worth to be with again, whether this once broken relationship is worth to relive again. Whether, this very person is serious in working things out with you and be truly committed to you and not dropping you off again. Most of the cases we see over here are usually breadcrumbs (of course I do believe there are exes that come back sincerely and real for their exes), the reasons why Dumpees pick on breadcrumbs so easily because generally they are still having romantic feelings for their exes and still most likely questioning themselves why their exes chose to leave them and blaming themselves over what caused the years of relationship to end. Dumpers made their own choice to leave the Dumpees. In each and every relationship, no one is always right, and no one is always at fault. We learned from our mistakes and be a better person. However, if one of a individual in a relationship refuses to work things out with his/her partner, no matter how compatible the couple is, the couple will face issue of sustaining the relationship. At this moment, the couple had different thoughts and ideals in the relationship. The Dumper wants out of the relationship and the Dumpee still sees hope in the relationship. If Dumpers makes the first contact with the Dumpee, do not over analyze the intention from the Dumper because it can mean so many reasons: - It could mean the Dumper misses spending time with Dumpee, just spending time but nothing about getting back with the Dumpee. - It could mean the Dumper just wants to come back to be Dumpee's friend and nothing more. - It could also mean the Dumper just wants to come back to treat the Dumpee as a fall back plan or the most cruel one to come back for Dumpee for lust. Any Dumpees who haven't move on may fall into any of the above traps if they are not careful, that's why we always hear about cases people breaking NC because their exes contact them once or twice or thrice and they start to think that their exes are coming back for them for real. Remember, when they dropped you the break up bomb, they left you there, they left you crying alone, they left you questioning them, they left you feeling dejected, they left you blaming yourselves. They left you not willing to work any problems out with you and ultimately you felt the blow that you cause the relationship to end (which in fact it is never 1 person's fault for a relationship to come to an end.) If they just come back like this, do think properly if they are really serious coming back for you or not. Because, if the Dumper is not being serious, the Dumpee will end up being hurt again. NC is never about a game and a tool to use to get your exes back. NC is for yourself to rediscover what you missed out in life when you were with your ex, NC is for yourself to discover what you can do so much in your life, NC is for yourself to realize what and who you've been neglecting when you are with your ex. NC is about getting your life back again and be even happier without your ex in your life. NC could be a stranger and seems scary to all the Dumpees from the beginning, however when time sets in, NC will be your best friend and the support you will get to regain yourself back will come from NC itself. My all-time favorite quote, "You want to be actively chosen, and not settled for." What I learned for myself from this whole ordeal is that one's true happiness cannot be relied and depended on another person. Edited April 17, 2011 by Fufu
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