Star Gazer Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 There's a huge difference between need and neediness. Need is very similar to desire. I desire the attention and affection of those I love. Neediness is very similar to clinginess. However much I desire the affection and attention of my SO, I'm not clingy and do not wish him to be clingy to me. Neediness is seated in insecurity and the lack of autonomy. It's often based on a fear of abandonment and a fear of being alone. Neediness leads very, very often to neurosis, manipulation, and passive aggressive behavior. Neediness is a burden to both people in a couple. Needy people are usually takers, altho they believe they are givers because they will DO ANYTHING for the relationship. It's a trap, because the giving all comes with strings attached. My MIL was needy. She would do anything (badly) that you asked. She was constantly whining to do you laundry, water your plants, paint your closets, organize your cabinets. But in return--and she'd never admit it--she wanted absolute loyalty, attention, and ego stroking. She wanted your soul and your life in return. It was a horrible bargain to get out of doing your own laundry. Needy people turn very ugly when their needs aren't met. And it's very difficult to meet them. Need--when it is synomous with desire--is very different. We all have needs for attention and affection, we all have a need to belong and have ties to others. And in healthy relationships those needs are reciprocal and autonomous. They don't smother like neediness does. The OP used the word neediness and then defined need, mixing the two things up. Most people know the difference and flee from the first and seek the second. Needy people don't know the difference. They believe their gushing, lavish devotion is an asset. But it's not, it's a trojan horse. Most people who have been burned by the neediness of someone else, will avoid it like the plague in the future. This is so, so, so true!
HeartOnSleeve Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Let me tell you something: When I am dating someone I am not that into, I am NEVER needy, insecure, emotional etc. I am perfectly logical and level headed. Why? Because I simply don't care. The guy hasn't responded to my text? I barely noticed, let alone got upset enough to have an emotional reaction. Now, when I REALLY like a guy I get insecure. I spend hours thinking about him, analyzing his every word, waiting for his text with butterflies in my stomach. I worry if he likes me. I try not to show it but it slips out anyway. The difference between needy and non-needy woman? Her level of interest in you. Simple as that. Also, I tend to cringe when my male friends talk about girls they consider psycho. Just by examples they give, the women they talk about don't seem psycho at all. They just seem like women that liked them a LOT. Amen Sista!
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