MrNate Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Nobody puts reins on My Little Pony! Freedom, baby, freedom.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Well, I'm not known for lying, so I'll be straightforward as always. I really don't know. I feel like I'm on the fence. Everytime I think of relationships and the latter, I think of how nice they are for a few seconds..but how restricting/monotnous they might be, for much much longer. Sometimes, I wonder if something is wrong with me in general. Maybe I'm messed up somewhere. You just made me reflect on all of this, that's all. Don't worry, hon. Aren't you a Leo? Because this is classic Leo. I'm sure women will always love you, anyway.
MrNate Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Don't worry, hon. Aren't you a Leo? Because this is classic Leo. I'm sure women will always love you, anyway. Yeah, I am . But man, by the way you worded that.. now you're making me wonder if this is a good thing...lol
orangelady Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 A related question... Is physical touch a "need" in adults? I don't know. I really don't know but good question. I've not hugged or kissed someone for as long as I have lived. I am 28. However when I was about 20, I did kiss some guy but he wasn't someone I like so I didn't feel much. It was just an experience. These days, I look for someone I'd be interested in even when we're apart.
OliveOyl Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Don't mean to derail the thread, but what is up with these feminine avatars that confuse the heck out of me when I realize the posters are dudes. Ahem, MrNate
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 An example for this thread: Months ago I had a couple of good dates with guy Z that I really liked. After the second date (Saturday) he said "Let's do something next weekend". It was Thursday next week and I haven't heard a word from him. So I text him "are we still on for the weekend?" he responds 10 hours later with "sure, let's do it on Saturday" I asked "Around what time were you thinking?" No response. Saturday mid-day I get impatient (I REALLY liked him) and I text again "are you still thinking of meeting up tonight?" his response "don't be so needy!" WTF Needless to say things didn't go much further. I left him as a friend on FB for god knows what reason. Few months later, he gets a gf that he is clearly smitten by. We chatted briefly on the FB IM and one of the things he said was "my gf comes to watch me work sometimes just so she can be near me, isn't that sweet?" I mean seriously? And I was needy because he strung me along for weekend plans and I wanted to clarify?
MrNate Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Don't mean to derail the thread, but what is up with these feminine avatars that confuse the heck out of me when I realize the posters are dudes. Ahem, MrNate Oh I'm sorry I didn't know that pink and blue ponies were exclusive to women. Threadjacker
MrNate Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 You know. Maybe it's time I faced the music. I have commitment issues. It's funny, because when I say that to myself, no part of me fights that statement.
Woggle Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 If a woman is too needy then you have those scenarios were a man is away for one week and she freaks out because she can't deal with the loneliness. I think that a person isn't truly capable of a healthy relationship if they can't stand on their own.
OpenBook Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Right on mr lonely. If you text cutesy things to a guy that's into you few times a day, he will love it. If you text cutesy things to a guy that's not that into you it will come across as needy. He most likely won't respond or would start to distance. As a result, you will get even more insecure and are likely to ask him if everything is ok. At this point he will likely tell his friend this story in OMG this chick is psycho fashion. Poor girl will think that she had ruined everything by sending cutesy texts. In reality - the guy just wasn't into her. She only sped up the inevitable. This is exactly right - and exactly why I completely identify with the OP's frustration at this behavior. The message is "Clingy women are unattractive." When the girl did NOTHING WRONG. Makes me see red. She takes a big hit to her self-confidence FOR NO GOOD REASON. I hope all women (and men) to whom this happens, will get an opportunity to "flip the script" on the same person, somewhere down the road. OK I know that rarely happens (it's only happened to me once) but it sure gives you a sense of justice to jerk a knot in their @ss.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 This is exactly right - and exactly why I completely identify with the OP's frustration at this behavior. The message is "Clingy women are unattractive." When the girl did NOTHING WRONG. Makes me see red. She takes a big hit to her self-confidence FOR NO GOOD REASON. I hope all women (and men) to whom this happens, will get an opportunity to "flip the script" on the same person, somewhere down the road. OK I know that rarely happens (it's only happened to me once) but it sure gives you a sense of justice to jerk a knot in their @ss. Yep. There are very few people that are pathologically clingy/needy/psycho. Vast majority of "neediness" is the matter of perception due to discrepancy in interest levels.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Human relationships are a great thing when done right but when people start needing each other they make the mistake of putting up with all types of crap. What is it with this anti-independence movement I am seeing from some women these days. The tight grip some of them keep on a man they fancy almost makes a man miss the whole I don't need a man feminist era. We swung from one extreme to the other without ever landing in the middle where it should be. LOL. I already explained this to you woggle. Women are raised pretending to be mothers (baby dolls) and practicing wearing wedding dresses. We are told repeatedly that we NEED a man. While men are given trucks and cars and taught to dream of what they want to be when they are older. They are taught to be independent from the get go. And that the reason a lot of women sit around and say,"I don't NEED a man" is not because we hate men but because we often need more convincing than men do that we are okay on our own.
orangelady Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 If a woman is too needy then you have those scenarios were a man is away for one week and she freaks out because she can't deal with the loneliness. I think that a person isn't truly capable of a healthy relationship if they can't stand on their own. Most people can't stand on their own. That's why they're in relationships. Thankfully I can.
perfectlyunique Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 So I've recently been reading that men consider a needy woman a turn off. I have to retort. To all the men who think this: I have a news flash for you. a woman who is NOT needy - DOESN'T NEED YOU. She doesn't give a damn about you, or your life, she is not INTO YOU. Also, a woman who is NOT needy is either a) a lesbian b) has a low libido c) is involved with several other men I think this is wrong i dont need my bf i want to be with him. Im not a lesbian, i have a high sex drive and im not cheating on him. There are times when i need him to be there for me...if im upset etc .There are times when you need other people to be there for you but i wouldnt break down and die if he wasnt there for me. I love him with all my heart but i know for certain if the circumstances changed and he left me i wouldnt beg for him to come back. I have enough confidence in myself to say actually i can do alright on my own. Its nice to have someone there but i think needing someone as you describe to be is unhealthy.
BellePerdant Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I think someone should always maintain independence for themselves, however, I'm in total agreement with the attitudes men take up about it being a turn off. When a girl starts acting all kissy-kissy, it's not because she's crazy, it's just because she's smitten with a guy. Insecurities are different. I think if a girl is being needy to constantly be reassured that she's still liked/loved then it's a turn off.
orangelady Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I think someone should always maintain independence for themselves, however, I'm in total agreement with the attitudes men take up about it being a turn off. When a girl starts acting all kissy-kissy, it's not because she's crazy, it's just because she's smitten with a guy. Insecurities are different. I think if a girl is being needy to constantly be reassured that she's still liked/loved then it's a turn off. It depends. For me, I think its fine if the woman wants assurance as in affirmations. Generally, women like to be affirmed. They like him to say "I love you" or "Miss you" Bla bla bla. Sometimes they know it but they just like to hear it. Men on the other hand feel that they don't need to say all this stuff because she should JUST KNOW. Some women don't know. Men, you need to help them out there a little if you really think she's a gem and this is one of her weaknesses. In my life, I did come across a guy who refused to say "I love you" or "I miss you" often because to him, that showed a lack of trust from the girl. To me, it wasn't really that but I just like to hear it from him. However, he did accept this 'neediness' part of me. Anyways, I also know another man who doesn't mind saying a 100 I love yous to his woman. He likes all that stuff and wouldn't complain about it. But most guys I know wouldn't do it. They are put off with it.
Zed Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Actually, you WILL die without that emotional bonding. Babies die without human contact. Most people have not gone without it for long periods of times, which is why they don't know how horrible it can be. I have and I know. You don't NEED a relationship and you don't NEED sex. You can survive without those, but not without bonding with other humans. You can not wash up on shore of a deserted island by yourself and live. It will kill you slower than lack of oxygen, food, or water would, but it will still kill you. That's why it's always bull**** to me when people say,"I don't need other human beings. I am independent." What you are is spoiled. You've never actually been alone for a long period of time and that's why you don't know how awful it is when you are. Sorry to go off topic because this isn't just about romantic relationships. It's about all human contact and friendships period. This is exactly true. There is actual scientific evidence that shows that humans not only need touch and companionship, but that without those, they not only have a shortened life span, and those who dismiss real bonding, have attachment issues as adults. Prescott found that those societies that lavish affectionate touch on their infants and children, and also are tolerant or encouraging of adolescent sexual/affectional behaviors were the least violent societies on Earth; with the converse also being true. The gradual destruction of this brain tissue by the effects of touch deprivation results in a predictable syndrome of behaviors, as well as disrupted emotions and interpersonal relations. In fact, it has been proposed that many of the symptoms that clinicians observe in their clients and patients are the direct result of malfunctioning areas of the brain which have been damaged by touch deprivation. Bowlby and Ainsworth's longitudinal research clearly shows that the inadequately attached child will usually grow to be an isolated and depressed adolescent and adult. The anxiously attached offspring develops into an anxious, attention-seeking, angry, and unhappy teen and adult. Both types have an exceedingly difficult time forming or maintaining healthy relations with anyone. The growing number of biological studies are reporting findings that show that affectionate touch is an essential "nutrient" to normal brain functioning. They have found that permanent neurological deterioration occurs in several important areas of the brain when the large, richly enervated organ, our skin, fails to receive affectionate touch and send those signals to our brain. Missing, exaggerated, muted, or otherwise distorted perceptions and responses present a barrier to adequate human functioning at all levels. As humans we need touch, we need affection, we need love to be fully functional, healthy and sane. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be needed.
orangelady Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 This is exactly true. There is actual scientific evidence that shows that humans not only need touch and companionship, but that without those, they not only have a shortened life span, and those who dismiss real bonding, have attachment issues as adults. As humans we need touch, we need affection, we need love to be fully functional, healthy and sane. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be needed. omg I love you both, Zed and Enchanted_Girl. But this only further depresses those who don't have someone. It's like 'OK, so everyone needs to be needed, now what?'
threebyfate Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 There's a line between bonding and codependencies. People need to be careful not to exceed that line, going from healthy to unhealthy dependencies.
Richard Friedman Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 neediness is much more unattractive in men than women. No surprise there when you look at it from the hunter/gatekeeper perspective. Male neediness just reeks of a lack of options. Female neediness shows a high level of attraction.
Woggle Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 LOL. I already explained this to you woggle. Women are raised pretending to be mothers (baby dolls) and practicing wearing wedding dresses. We are told repeatedly that we NEED a man. While men are given trucks and cars and taught to dream of what they want to be when they are older. They are taught to be independent from the get go. And that the reason a lot of women sit around and say,"I don't NEED a man" is not because we hate men but because we often need more convincing than men do that we are okay on our own. For the last couple of decades we have had the I don't need a man movement where women have pretty much told us we were disposable and not needed or wanted in their lives. It seems that now we have swung to the opposite extreme where some women cling to us for dear life. When will there ever be a happy medium?
Enchanted Girl Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 For the last couple of decades we have had the I don't need a man movement where women have pretty much told us we were disposable and not needed or wanted in their lives. It seems that now we have swung to the opposite extreme where some women cling to us for dear life. When will there ever be a happy medium? LOL. When did this happen? XD Less than a week ago, you were saying the exact opposite. You just mean ON THIS FORUM and not all of society. Yes, there has been that woman's movement, but look at little girls nowadays . . . . . do they still play with baby dolls? Do they still wear wedding dresses and practice looking pretty for a potential mate? Feminists have changed some things, but this is why they continue to press on like they do. There's still so much in our culture (and always has been) that tells women they NEED men and make us into desperate individuals. There was never a mysterious time in the past when the majority of women felt like they didn't need a man. Most of history is us not possessing the ability to own stuff or work and therefore needing a man. We are working steadily in the right direction, but that's why you hear feminists saying these things so loudly. They have to, to be heard at all. And stop being terrified of someone needing you. One second you're scared that women can just throw you away and the next when they can't, you're panicking and wanting to run away. Just try to relax and stop overanalyzing everything women do as them trying to hurt you.
Woggle Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I don't know what the hell women want anymore. One minute they are saying how they don't need us and how men are nothing more than disposable sperm donors and then the next minute they are talking about how much they need us. It confuses the hell out of men. To me women who are this needy tend to later on complain that they lost themselves and are quick to shift to not caring at all.
Nexus One Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I don't know what the hell women want anymore. One minute they are saying how they don't need us and how men are nothing more than disposable sperm donors and then the next minute they are talking about how much they need us. It confuses the hell out of men. To me women who are this needy tend to later on complain that they lost themselves and are quick to shift to not caring at all. That's because you shouldn't interpret what women say as if it came from a uniform entity. Every woman has her own opinion, even within the same woman her opinion can change over time. It's best to absorb the opinions of women per person and per period of time. That being said, women want a man, unless there is something wrong with their biology. The "I don't need a man" attitude is just tough talk, men do it too, but when the right one comes along we all fall, we all do. There's a reason our evolutionary chain spans over 3 billion years.
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