Woggle Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 A woman that can truly care about a man without going all psycho on him is a rare gem.
MrNate Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Women are unattractive who are needy just like men are. Don't be clingy and your world will be okay. This is about it, really.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I would just like to point out that the things these women are saying are "good neediness"... I spend hours thinking about him, analyzing his every word, waiting for his text with butterflies in my stomach. I worry if he likes me. I try not to show it but it slips out anyway. If a man writes of the equivalent thing he's called a creepy stalkerish psycho... why shouldn't it be the same when it's a woman doing it?
singlelife Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I would just like to point out that the things these women are saying are "good neediness"... If a man writes of the equivalent thing he's called a creepy stalkerish psycho... why shouldn't it be the same when it's a woman doing it? It is. don't worry.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 It is. don't worry. Then ALL my female friends are psychos because they do all that when they really like a guy. They just don't let him know and some have better control of that than others.... If the girl isn't doing that, she is most likely just not into you.
Stung Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 When people are involved with people they like intensely, they do become emotionally vulnerable and experience different chemical levels than normal. They spend time thinking about the other person, they prioritize the other person, they desire affection and emotional feedback and support from said other person. That's normal, highly desirable if the feelings are reciprocal, and it's not needy. Healthy women who like a man are over the moon when he gives evidence of liking her back, of prioritizing her emotionally. Neediness is commonly defined as being in an impoverished state, in this case emotionally: wanting/needing affection, attention, and reassurance to an excessive degree. It's considered synonymous with "clingy," it's smothering, and it's unattractive in men or women, except presumably for people with codependency issues. As others have said, though, the boundary moves a bit from individual to individual. Part of what indicates compatibility.
musemaj11 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I like a needy woman because it shows she is crazy about me. But there is a difference between crazy about me and making me think you are crazy. Calling 2X a day to check up on me shows that you care. But calling every hour constantly is crazy.
Back Burner Gal Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Scamsgalore, have you been called needy? If so, instead of defending something that is a major turn off in personal relationships, why not get some professional help to work on not being needy? Venting about how misunderstood needy people are is not going to change anything. Making yourself less needy may change your life and bring you a lot of happiness.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Stung let's just cut the static and admit that "neediness" is just a matter of how attracted one is to the person who needs them. If a woman is attracted to a man he cannot be too needy or clingy. Especially early on she can't get enough of him. The same goes for a mans attraction to a woman. What the women have written here is accurate in that when you are really into someone you want to be around them as much as possible. At least you don't mind them wanting to be around you as much as possible even if you don't. 99/100 times these words, needy, clingy, creepy, stalkerish, inactive, etc etc... they all boil down to "This person does not make me horny and they are interested in me I wish they would go away."
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Right on mr lonely. If you text cutesy things to a guy that's into you few times a day, he will love it. If you text cutesy things to a guy that's not that into you it will come across as needy. He most likely won't respond or would start to distance. As a result, you will get even more insecure and are likely to ask him if everything is ok. At this point he will likely tell his friend this story in OMG this chick is psycho fashion. Poor girl will think that she had ruined everything by sending cutesy texts. In reality - the guy just wasn't into her. She only sped up the inevitable.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Stung let's just cut the static and admit that "neediness" is just a matter of how attracted one is to the person who needs them. If a woman is attracted to a man he cannot be too needy or clingy. Especially early on she can't get enough of him. The same goes for a mans attraction to a woman. What the women have written here is accurate in that when you are really into someone you want to be around them as much as possible. At least you don't mind them wanting to be around you as much as possible even if you don't. 99/100 times these words, needy, clingy, creepy, stalkerish, inactive, etc etc... they all boil down to "This person does not make me horny and they are interested in me I wish they would go away." Yep. I notice a lot of girls call guys "stalkers" or "creepy" just because the guy has a crush on them and they don't return the feelings. Or because the guy noticed their body in tight clothing and they think he's ugly. And I'm not talking about staring, just a quick glance or something. It's pretty easy to just politely decline someone who asks you out without labeling them mean things. The majority of the time they'll leave you alone and get over you after that.
elaina Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 The things you need in life, are the things to live. Water, food, shelter, etc. Everything else is just a want. Pretty easy, actually. And yeah, say no to neediness. Are sex and emotional bonding needs or wants?
OliveOyl Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Are sex and emotional bonding needs or wants? Emotional bonding is a *need* in infants. "It has been found that the lack of bonding in infants can have a life-lasting effect on a child. Infants who don’t bond are more likely to become anxious and insecure. " There is also research about lack of bonding leading to a higher mortality rate. Technically, sex and emotional bonding may not be a "need" in that one will die without them, but one will probably be a more creative, happier, productive person when one has the sex and/or emotional bonding one craves.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Emotional bonding is a *need* in infants. "It has been found that the lack of bonding in infants can have a life-lasting effect on a child. Infants who don’t bond are more likely to become anxious and insecure. " There is also research about lack of bonding leading to a higher mortality rate. Technically, sex and emotional bonding may not be a "need" in that one will die without them, but one will probably be a more creative, happier, productive person when one has the sex and/or emotional bonding one craves. Actually, you WILL die without that emotional bonding. Babies die without human contact. Most people have not gone without it for long periods of times, which is why they don't know how horrible it can be. I have and I know. You don't NEED a relationship and you don't NEED sex. You can survive without those, but not without bonding with other humans. You can not wash up on shore of a deserted island by yourself and live. It will kill you slower than lack of oxygen, food, or water would, but it will still kill you. That's why it's always bull**** to me when people say,"I don't need other human beings. I am independent." What you are is spoiled. You've never actually been alone for a long period of time and that's why you don't know how awful it is when you are. Sorry to go off topic because this isn't just about romantic relationships. It's about all human contact and friendships period.
OliveOyl Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 A related question... Is physical touch a "need" in adults?
Woggle Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Human relationships are a great thing when done right but when people start needing each other they make the mistake of putting up with all types of crap. What is it with this anti-independence movement I am seeing from some women these days. The tight grip some of them keep on a man they fancy almost makes a man miss the whole I don't need a man feminist era. We swung from one extreme to the other without ever landing in the middle where it should be.
MrNate Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Are sex and emotional bonding needs or wants? Sex is a want. You'll live without it. Go for a year without it, and there is a 99.9% chance your heart will still be beating. Unless your organs combust from sexual frustration or something, in which case I'll def. be intrigued. Emotional bonding? Well that even in itself depends. Orphans seem to live on just fine, but it kind of depends on how you define 'bonding'.
MrNate Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 A related question... Is physical touch a "need" in adults? I don't think so.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Then ALL my female friends are psychos because they do all that when they really like a guy. They just don't let him know and some have better control of that than others.... If the girl isn't doing that, she is most likely just not into you. Yep, all my friends, too. No, women don't NEED the real love and committed support of a man to survive. But to thrive and be truly happy? Well, it sure does help. Mr. Nate, you obviously have commitment issues (no offense, I like you, but it's true!), so of course you want not only the lightest "grip" possible on you -- but no grip at all.
MrNate Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Yep, all my friends, too. No, women don't NEED the real love and committed support of a man to survive. But to thrive and be truly happy? Well, it sure does help. Mr. Nate, you obviously have commitment issues (no offense, I like you, but it's true!), so of course you want not only the lightest "grip" possible on you -- but no grip at all. Sigh... Ruby..
Ruby Slippers Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Am I wrong? If I am, just say so. But that is my impression of you.
MrNate Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Am I wrong? If I am, just say so. But that is my impression of you. Well, I'm not known for lying, so I'll be straightforward as always. I really don't know. I feel like I'm on the fence. Everytime I think of relationships and the latter, I think of how nice they are for a few seconds..but how restricting/monotnous they might be, for much much longer. Sometimes, I wonder if something is wrong with me in general. Maybe I'm messed up somewhere. You just made me reflect on all of this, that's all.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 Nobody puts reins on My Little Pony! As Thoreau said, "All good things are wild and free."
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