lionsdale Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 well to summerise a long story short i was with my ex for 3 years although she was 14 and i was 17 at the time. we are pretty much opposites in our lifestyle (during that phase) but our personality/interests got on perfect so did our attraction for each other, but this came with conflicts now and then with lifestyle issues such as getting along with her friends. i was her first for everything including a relationship so everything was new for her but i had previous longterms to compare too which she didnt. the 1st year i sorta felt like i was her boyfriend/advisor cause she was immature with any dramas we had not knowing how to handle it but we always had big talks after anything to sort it, she grew fast after that. at about 2 years i started to question my attraction to her but i had a slight addiction to porn which was effecting my sex-drive so in my head i blamed it on that since i still loved her. this lack of sex-drive/attraction took its toll on our relationship in the following months as i got slack and didnt put as much effort into things (we got stuck in like a 'routine' with nothing new and spontaneous) which in return affected how she thinks, she started getting doubts about 'us' as well and we ended up breaking up at once it got to 3years.. her main reasons being (maybe we are too different to have a future, shes confused and needs time to find herself) during the break up we still talked as 'friends' and even got 'together' the next week, after that we both still talked but we got with one other person at a attempt to move on and she ended up going overseas for a month to see family. while she was there about 2 months apart she said she realised what shes lost and has been miserable so wants to try again which i agreed too. so she came back a few days later and we had a big talk that we need time to fix up our relationship and that its not going to be perfect straight away, all our problems/wants and needs so we were on the same page. this lasted about 3 weeks but not much changed due to our busy schedules at that time and she called it off again for the same reasons. she was dead convinced that we are too different n dont want the same things in life and that the changes im doing are for her instead of myself (which isnt true, since the break up it made me take a look at the path my life was going which i was starting to change in big ways as she saw) but since then we had been talking alot and got together about 3 times, its coming onto 2 months being apart and we decided to cut down contact and she is seeing someone else, she told me this since we agreed to be honest and i asked if shes happy and being treated well, she said she was really happy since shes getting the things she wanted now (which she didnt when i slacked). so i said i was happy for her and that ill be there if she wants to ever talk and havnt talked to her since, been about a week since then and whenever she sees my friends around she rushes to ask them how i am, what im doing now and brings up the hole "hes changing for me not himself and we are too different" topic up dwelling on the past like she hasnt really moved on. she told them one thing that got me, "i still love him so much but i dont know if im attracted to him anymore". the fact that during the relationship she was always the one crazy about me the most both passionatly and sexually and how that can change in about a few weeks or a month, since she was the same once we broke up. but anyway is there any hope in our future?? like i got on perfect with her family, we both talked about what we want in our future and its the same thing even though she doesnt believe me, plus i know shes young and confused since she hasnt experienced anything else. i know i should really move on and not put my life on hold for her which i am doing by trying to improve myself in ways ive neglected over these 3 years.. but what approach should to the situation with her? friends have been telling me to give her time to experience whatever and use that time to sort out my life then see where we are in the future?
fun2bewith Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Your friends are right... She needs time to make her own mistakes and do you... To your question, for sure there is always a chance... but first what do you really want?
Author lionsdale Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 yeah friends but the contact we have is cutting down by the day.. well i still love her and from past long term relationships ive seen that this one could really work, its just her 'doubts' probably due to her age which was the problem. like should i try have no contact with her or try stay in her life as a friend, or anything else??
fun2bewith Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 (edited) I was in love like crazy.. then she acted the same way as your girlfriend insecure and not sure... I tried to be friends and then realized that she is getting wat she wants and I am not getting what I want... We split up after a heavy word-war and went our different ways... 7 years later NC... I contacted her brother (he is friends with my brother) and then she contacted me...after dinner we made out and after that just stayed friends...the attraction was there, but we are diffferent people...We still talk and if I want to I am sure I can date her again... IME I say:"nothing is lost forever, it is just misplaced or in another form"... IMO You must explore the world, she will date other guys she will break-up with them she will date again and if your timing is right, she will date you again...you will date other girls and break-up and date again...and you will not regret later if you leave things now with her.....Girls at that age (17) are as unstable as Uranium-235... You can always be friends later, but If you are friends now and you have feelings for her...that frustration can make you not be friends with her.. Or you can be friends with her now if you have no feelings towards her... It's your future at 20 you should focus on yourself become the man that more women will desire and respect... Do you really think she is going to get married within the next 4 years? she will be 21 then...I say you have enough time.... Edited April 17, 2011 by fun2bewith
Author lionsdale Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 thanks for that advice, i had that in my head about what state she is at her young age and how i should concentrate on myself now but its re-assuring hearing it from someone else. one thing that was sort of rushing my actions is that she is very likely moving overseas at the end of this year since its been her plan for a long time as half of her family is there and a few of her bestfriends are moving too. plus i think this is what her new boyfriend is planning too. is it natural for her to be fully in love/happy or adleast try show she is with her new boyfriend even tho its been about 2 weeks? are these her true feelings? her trying to use this to get over me? or the whole 'honeymoon phase'. p.s - she doesnt do it in ways knowing ill see it like its not aimed at me. i am sort of happy for her if she truly finds happiness with this new guy even if shes confused but i have already heard about things he gets up to from certain girl mates that know him, (being a player and all while he was with a previous longterm gf) the side of me that loves and cares about her wants me to help her but ill probably come off as a jelous ex, are one of those life lessons i should really let her experience so she learns from it?
Professor X Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Well, there are people who jump from one RS to another. I've met a girl once who has never been alone since she was 14. The longest time she had between 2 RS was a week. Each of her RS lasted for a few years as well. So if it's normal what she's doing? could very well be. But anyway, like everyone said, You need to move on. She has found a new guy and whether or not she's happy or thinking rationally, right now, it non of your business. "are one of those life lessons i should really let her experience so she learns from it?" - I don't think you got much of a choice here really. The only thing you could do, is when she falls, if she falls, to help her up on her feet.
lolo1234 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Kinda sorta off topic but what's going on with the porn stuff? I knew someone who rarely had sex with his wife because he was just so busy with porn. He got all his satisfaction from that and his wife rarely got laid. I hope that if this is still a problem for you, you seek help.
Recommended Posts