stace2903 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Sorry this post is long please read i need your help. I have been with my boyfriend almost 8yrs we are both in our 40s. At the end of Jan we parted i don't really know why the reasons keep changing but basicaly we didn't feel like we were the same anymore. Things were said when we split up mostly by me bacuse i was so hurt. We decided to have no contact for a while so we could move on, it was so hard not to text him i missed him like crazy. About four weeks later he contacted me and came to the house we ended up going to bed. A little later that day he text to say he thought we had got carried away with each other, i was devastated we went back to no contact. Two weeks later he contacted me agin to ask if i would look at his mp3 player for him he couldn't get it to work, i said yes and was praying he was just using this as an excuse to see me. He brought his player and while i mended it for him we chatted it was so nice. When i had done it i passed it back to him and he leant in and kissed me and said he missed me so much, well you've probably guessed we enede up in bed again. About an hour after he had gone i text him and said are we back together he put yes. God i was so happy i felt amazing. We were ok i admit things did feel a bit different but i put that down to the break up and it would take time. 15 days later a text came from out the blue is said " I'm so sorry i can't do this we just don't seem the same anymore, i keep thinking about things you've said i try not to but i can't get it out my head". I was gutted i text and tried to explain things would feel weird and to give us a chance but he said he couldn't do it anymore it was over. I was back to crying day after day only the day before he had told me he loved me before he went off to work. I didn't text him and 8 days later last Monday i get a text from him asking how i am we just chatted and never mentioned us. On the wednesday he text again and we just chatted the he said i was wondering if you would like to go out for the day just me and you to Warwick castle sometime soon. I was over the moon and told him i would love to. The next morning he text early and asked if he could come over to see me. I was so excited i thought he must be having 2nd thoughts about us parting because he'd asked about Warwick yesterday and now he wanted to see me. He arrived half an hour later as soon as he walked in the door he hugged me and God iv missed you so much i'm so pleased to see you. He told i was all he had thought about. We made the most fantastic love together it was amazing and i was so glad that this nightmare seemed to be over for us, before he left we held each other and i said i Love you, He held me tight and said i love you you know. A little later i text him and put i'm so glad we are back together i hope your happy too. The text that came back made me feel like i had been hit in the stomach full force i couldn't believe it, he wrote " I don't think we are back together this whole situation does my head in. I can't put into words how i felt i couldn't be horrible to him i never can, i wrote back " i don't think we should contact each other anymore its too confusing and hurts too much, i don't want us to be sex friends itl destroy everything we ever had. He said " I try to not contact you but its so hard to let you go and i don't want to be sex friends either" I have tried to contact him once more yesterday to ask him if we could talk all i got back was "No i don't think its a good idea we have to let go, i do want us to be friends and talk sometimes". I don't no what to do i love this man with all my heart, Do you think he does still love me we must still have something, Is it just because of things that have been said, did he ever love me in the first place. Have i ruined my chance of getting back with him for good by keep sleeping with him. I no many of you will say cut him off and ignore him but i can't be horrible to him. What do i do now i miss him so much i need some advice please. Thank you for reading x
DollyGirl12 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Read the post above about "being strung along". I think many on here have been in your shoes and can relate. What you are going to hear here, from me, and many others, is to completely stop responding to him. He is doing what makes him happy and isn't taking your feelings in to consideration at all. That is very, very selfish on his part. As hard as it may be, the next time he contacts you, you must have the inner strength to not respond back, no matter what. He has you on a string like a yo yo. Your self esteem is being more and more damaged every time you see him and "think" you are back together. He will do this as long as you allow him to. Yes, he may have that longing feeling here and there, and that is when you hear from him. But you have that longing feeling all the time and it is only going to get worse for you if you keep responding to him and meeting him. I can tell you, from experience in my past many years ago, that I had someone that did this to me. It was not until I completely cut him off that I began to heal and be able to move on with my life. YOU DESERVE MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!!! Tell yourself that over and over again. And stay on the boards and read the stories of those who are going through similar. You will see a pattern that does not change until you make it change. HUGS!!!
Author stace2903 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Thank you Dolly for taking the time to read my post, replying and most of al caring. I no i am going to have to be strong if he contacts me, i wish i didn't have to ignore him i really don't want to hurt him. Im in a bad place right now but i have to think positive and try and move on. I am trying to focus on what i have got instead of what i haven't. I hope i have your strength if and when he gets in touch with me. I think i could handle a quick chat every now and then but i have to keep saying No if he wants more without sorting us out. You see i know what i have to do its just so hard to follow it through, heres hoping. Thanks again.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 You're welcome. I really feel for you because when I read posts like yours I can remember having those same feelings. We want them to miss us so much and come back to us. We keep hoping and hoping. Alot of people on the board refer to what is happening to you as "being thrown crumbs". That really is a good analogy. It is really a very good feeling when you finally are able to take your power back. When you are able to say "no more, I want something real and committed and won't accept anything less than that". Right now he feels that he can contact you when he feels like it and you will respond in a positive manner, spend time with him, and have sex with him. Sex can be very powerful in keeping someone attached, even when you don't want to be with them on a full time basis. It's comfortable for them. It's kind of strange.....I was in a relationship many years ago where I had someone who kept pulling away, coming back, over and over again. I finally said ENOUGH as I had to care more about myself, it was beginning to have a negative effect on me. I really loved this person alot. A few years ago he contacted me via Facebook. I had no feelings at all for him. NONE. He kept telling me that he messed up the best thing he had ever had. And ya know what...HE WAS RIGHT! But, he was way to late. I no longer had feelings for him and honestly, I would not have been able to trust him not to do the same thing over again. You will get there, one baby step at a time!!!
Author stace2903 Posted April 17, 2011 Author Posted April 17, 2011 It is so good to talk to someone who has been there and got through it, it gives me hope. It is always in my mind that he must feel something for me to keep going to bed with me, and when he says he finds it hard to let me go he looks so sad and sounds like he is hurting as much as me. I hope that the day will come that i am sitting here writing to someone telling them that it gets better and they will get through it. I do believe he loves me thats what makes it so hard and 8 years is such a long time feelings don't just die. unless he wants to talk about us and get back what we have had over the last 8 years i am going to be strong and not meet with him. Thank you for your support.
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