Eternal Sunshine Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I came across this test/questionnaire: http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl It is really good and I have found out that my attachment style is a mix of anxious and avodiant. Apparently this is the worst combination and makes for big difficulties in relationships. What this means for me personally is that I am HIGHLY anxious in the initial stages of a R and while there is uncertainty. But then once I have "won over" the guy and am more secure the avoidance kicks in. I start being distant and losing interest. I am basically doomed
Kamille Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 No you're not doomed. But you can work on changing your attachment style. A relationship is something you've always said you value incredibly. If you've found a therapist, tell him or her about this, about how it makes you feel. This is the kind of stuff they usually excel at.
oaks Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 What this means for me personally is that I am HIGHLY anxious in the initial stages of a R and while there is uncertainty. No, really? Relax, enjoy. At least now you know how your bf feels about you!
thatdog Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I came across this test/questionnaire: http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl It is really good and I have found out that my attachment style is a mix of anxious and avodiant. Apparently this is the worst combination and makes for big difficulties in relationships. What this means for me personally is that I am HIGHLY anxious in the initial stages of a R and while there is uncertainty. But then once I have "won over" the guy and am more secure the avoidance kicks in. I start being distant and losing interest. I am basically doomed Me too Preoccupied Five! I think I'm the opposite of your prob though. completely fine in the early stages then progressively more anxious as the R grows. Which means i guess i proly mostly attract girls like you who then run away once I start being the clingy one....
zengirl Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Just took it. A lot of those questions seemed to me to have to do with how you feel about yourself and your life and how that helps/hinders you in relating to a partner. It doesn't seem like it's a fixed thing. I think most people work their way to "Secure" rather than just being there immediately. (I did score as "Secure" but I doubt I would've years ago.) I wouldn't see your current attachment style as some sort of fate. If you feel it's a hinderance, change it. Take charge of your own life, rather than being a victim of it. (Actually, that sort of change/shift in attitude will probably move you a few points towards secure right there if you can manage it.)
honeybeez Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Looking back through old threads and attachment styles is something I've just discovered recently I'm fearful-avoidant (which I already knew really) and my partner of 2 years is dismissing-avoidant or fearful-avoidant, only he knows his real feelings, I just answered how he comes across to me but some of the comments he makes show he's not as confident as he makes out Reading about this stuff has been a revelation to me as it TOTALLY explains his confusing behaviour towards intimacy. Good to know it's not that my appearance etc isn't the major issue I've made it in my head amd explains why he's never married etc But yes, relationships are tricky if you fall into this category, but we get along okay cos neither of us can open up completely to the other and we both like our own space as well as each other's company A compromise? Aren't all relationships built on that? Still reading up on it, lots more to find out I'm sure, but finding it ENLIGHTENING!
Intergalactic Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 if i were you, i'd avoid online quizzes since most are generalised crap and skip straight to the therapist.
Professor X Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Yes, you are doomed. Quite frankly, it's the first time I've came across a questionnaire that is accurate.
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