Jump to content

Recently separated; spouse suddenly commenting about how hot she is on Facebook

change

By change
in Separation and Divorce

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

change Established Member

change

Posted
Posted

We have a marriage counseling appointment at the beginning of next week that she said she also wanted. But she's also posting oblique Facebook statuses like "God what a day. I'm smokin' hot."

 

What in the world is going on?

 

I'd assume if she'd suddenly decided not to work on it, she'd cancel the appointment. What else would be the point?

 

We were in a sexless marriage -- my fault -- which I've posted about on here before. I can repost or relink background if necessary.

 

I'm just left holding straws and guessing, and I'm so confused. There was no OM when she left, but she hasn't decided not to start dating -- although I've been very clearly under the impression that if she decided to, she would let me know first.

EmperorR Established Member

EmperorR

Posted
Posted

Your wifes friend list is probably hidden right?

Ballerfamily Established Member

Ballerfamily

Posted
Posted (edited)
We have a marriage counseling appointment at the beginning of next week that she said she also wanted. But she's also posting oblique Facebook statuses like "God what a day. I'm smokin' hot."

 

What in the world is going on?

 

I'd assume if she'd suddenly decided not to work on it, she'd cancel the appointment. What else would be the point?

 

We were in a sexless marriage -- my fault -- which I've posted about on here before. I can repost or relink background if necessary.

 

I'm just left holding straws and guessing, and I'm so confused. There was no OM when she left, but she hasn't decided not to start dating -- although I've been very clearly under the impression that if she decided to, she would let me know first.

 

How do you know there is no other OM?? because she told you so??

 

She is clearly trying to get attention and start up something or continue something.......time for NC....make her miss you.....if not, then you can move on quicker.....do not believe a word she is telling you....

 

Most will lie as long as you listen.....its called gas-lighting....every person that moves on the wrong way, needs space, in mid-life crisis, whatever, does this.....its text book....you must let her go through it....you cannot change it....if you try, you will knock her deeper and drive her away into some else's soft cuddly arms....that you can count on..(you cannot preach, make her feel bad, pine, etc)

Edited by Ballerfamily
Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted

Or... Maybe she went for a make-over with her girl friends?

 

We're never going to be able to guess what prompted her status update. But you can definitely bring it up in therapy.

  • Author
change Established Member

change

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Part of my spouse's personal process in IC, I know, is to learn to start feeling attractive and able to be wanted again. That's where she's been uncertain what she needs from the separation in terms of boundaries -- whether she just needs time/space or if she needs to casually date other people or if we should start dating, etc.

 

To answer a couple questions that came up: She did not make her friends list invisible to me and she isn't listed as single. She's hidden her relationship status, because we're still listed as married on my profile.

 

She's said that after losing the weight, she still felt like that little fat girl inside that was craving attention. Or something like that. She's told me that she doesn't know how to go to dinner by herself or flirt or turn down the attraction of a stranger. That she has no self confidence. So I don't know if that's part of what she's working through or not right now.

 

We're meeting up briefly on tomorrow so that I can go over our tax extension paperwork with her (I'm the one that takes care of that stuff). MC will be the following afternoon.

 

I suppose I could ask her what this has been about, but I don't know if that's the right course of action. She does read my profile and I do read hers. We both know that. But I also know that displaying insecurity isn't the right course of action, too. Last weekend when I was strong and confident and positive, she broke down and said she did want to go to MC and wanted to come home. Then she backpeddled.

  • Author
change Established Member

change

Posted
  • Author
Posted
To answer a couple questions that came up: She did not make her friends list invisible to me and she isn't listed as single. She's hidden her relationship status, because we're still listed as married on my profile.

 

 

I can also add that her facebook profile photo is still of us as a couple.

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted

I know that a lot guys are going to jump all over this but I think that is premature. Why was your marriage sexless?

  • Author
change Established Member

change

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I know that a lot guys are going to jump all over this but I think that is premature. Why was your marriage sexless?

 

It was sexless because of me. I was deeply depressed and very much so unaware of how bad it had gotten. I was totally uninterested in sex and every time she brought it up and how hurt she was (feeling unattractive, oversexed, rejected), it just made me feel like I was failing in another way. And made me feel even more hopeless.

 

Now that I'm dealing with the depression, I'm realizing that it wasn't hopeless at all and that there was help.

 

Does that answer your question?

linwood Established Member

linwood

Posted
Posted
We have a marriage counseling appointment at the beginning of next week that she said she also wanted. But she's also posting oblique Facebook statuses like "God what a day. I'm smokin' hot."

 

What in the world is going on?

 

Sounds to me like she`s talking about the weather.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted

I suppose I could ask her what this has been about, but I don't know if that's the right course of action. She does read my profile and I do read hers. We both know that. But I also know that displaying insecurity isn't the right course of action, too. Last weekend when I was strong and confident and positive, she broke down and said she did want to go to MC and wanted to come home. Then she backpeddled.

 

It must be hard to be in a position where you have to fake security, this with your wife.

 

I guess that's why I was suggesting bringing it up in MC. I imagined it as a bit of a "safer" place to talk about it.

 

If you don't feel ready to bring it up, however, I think your best course of action is to put it behind you (if possible). We've come up, on here, with 3 possible explanations as to what the status update means, and I'm sure there could be many more. You could spend the next 24 hours torturing yourself about it and never figure out what she meant by it. Choose, instead, to focus on what you know: your wife is willing to try MC.

K.K. Established Member

K.K.

Posted
Posted
Sounds to me like she`s talking about the weather.

 

Yea... I was thinkin that too. Just another good old facebook lead in.

 

Her: "God what a day I'm smokin hot"

 

Some random pud: "You bet your sweet ass you are."

 

Her: "Oh no... I was just talking about the weather but thanx!" :I'msoflatteredandpretendididn'tsetthatupface:

(god i hope my husband sees this)

 

YUCK.

 

YUCK YUCK

linwood Established Member

linwood

Posted
Posted

YUCK YUCK

 

No, seriously.

 

I don`t know where she is but I`m in Florida and it is SMOKIN` HOT .

All we Floridians do is bitch about the heat..constantly.

 

:)

 

Maybe it`s a geographical thing..I dunno.

Yasuandio Established Member

Yasuandio

Posted
Posted (edited)
Sounds to me like she`s talking about the weather.

 

I agree. Wife's FB status can mean all sorts of things. If I were you "Change," I would spin her Facebook as as positive (rather than doom & gloom) and post your status as follows:

 

"Yahoo, got the Blue, just waiting for you, sweet wife [insert name], I love you! Let's Skoo-be-do!

 

That could get her home in a heartbeat. But, in order to live up to this status, you have to live up to this status.

 

Change, it's all how you decide to frame this. Stop talking, and analyzing -- and increase action. Have you joined any group therapies in your area? What are you doing about isolation, and any other symptoms your depression presents?

 

Stop chasing her now. NC (except for That FB response). If FB doesnt do the trick, stop stalking her FB. Do not post anything there at all. You must wait for the bird to fly to you. Thank your lucky stars she's going to MC where you can take some responsibilty. But from reading the newer posts from you, and considering it is your description -- the damage done is quite more severe than I originally thought. I agree you must give her space as many respondants have suggested. And don't always assume the worst, yet.

 

PS Read post by "Kidd" under "Kasm's" thread regarding male perspective. That's what I'm talking about.

Edited by Yasuandio
robf1971 Established Member

robf1971

Posted
Posted
. But I also know that displaying insecurity isn't the right course of action, too. Last weekend when I was strong and confident and positive, she broke down and said she did want to go to MC and wanted to come home. Then she backpeddled.

 

Bingo... Do what works, I've been through this in MC with my wife and changed accordingly.. it will make you feel better about yourself. Also forget Facebook, it's high school games man lol

  • Author
change Established Member

change

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for all of the feedback everyone. Figured I'd update on the situation.

 

I got the answer today when we met up to discuss taxes and hang out for an hour -- she is beginning to date other people. Apparently the first date was awful -- with a married man who has chronic infidelity problems, no less -- but she is dating.

 

And she's uninterested in dating me at this juncture. And wants to live separately.

 

We will still be going to MC, however, and she is open to the possibility that her feelings for me could return in the future. No promises.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry Change. It must be difficult to hear such a thing.

 

All I can tell you is this: don't fear change. Try to accept her decision to leave and continue to work on improving your life, for yourself. You're a strong person for doing so, and you will be thankful for all the work you're doing.

 

If she comes back, she comes back. But your focus now should be on moving on.

 

Question: is she still willing to go to MC?

worldgonewrong Established Member

worldgonewrong

Posted
Posted
But she's also posting oblique Facebook statuses like "God what a day. I'm smokin' hot."

 

She's pulling a Hansel.

Zoolander reference, anyone?

  • Author
change Established Member

change

Posted
  • Author
Posted

 

Question: is she still willing to go to MC?

 

Yes. Our first appointment is today.

 

Unless something changes at the MC appointment, she sees this beig something we do weekly moving forward.

 

I'm hopeful, heartbroken and very confused.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...