leysayin Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I got frustrated at his no-contact-unless-we-are-meeting-that-day kind of thing that's going on and i sent him a long msg telling him that i feel uncomfortable about this but don't bother to reply because msging is not what he intends to do with me. Was i too harsh since it's only at a very early stage of dating? I convinced myself to tell him this because i think that if he's interested in me he would feel concerned about my feelings and thus he would try to make me feel more secure. But he didnt reply my message at all and after 6 hours i sent him another one which i fess up to him (not love just like and fond of him) and said guess this is the end of us since i've clearly lost by falling for you. No reply still. I felt like **** so 12 hous later i told him "it would be nice if you are gentleman enough to reply me and that i am not desperate or looking for love. I was courageous to face my own feelings and tell you and it wasnt easy at all." Now 4 hours past and nothing from him. We just first kissed 3 days ago and he told me he sees me as a sweet girl whom he can see himself with. But he still does his no contact thing and thus i was feeling paranoid and i texted him such things. Did i screw things up? Is there anymore chance with him or its really the end of things?
blackmagik Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 why did you keep messaging him like a crazy girl. perhaps he was busying while you continued to message him crazily.
utterer of lies Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Did i screw up a potential relationship with him? Yes, you did. Don't be so insecure.
oaks Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Fair enough for being frustrated with his communication style, but this is what you did: You told him off for not contacting you and told him he wasn't allowed to contact you to respond to that. He didn't reply within 6 hours, but you already told him not to so that's okay isn't it? You obviously didn't think that was acceptable because then you texted him to say it was the end. I'm not sure what response you expected from that. Then you texted him telling him off for not replying to being dumped. Then you come here asking if you screwed up. I think perhaps you didn't handle it as well as you could have done (and that's my British way of understating things, in case you weren't sure). To rescue this, if possible, needs an apology and not via text. He probably thinks you just dumped him so you'll need to contact him if that's not what you intended.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I guess I would want to know how long you have been involved? Are you in a committed relationship (I am going to guess no due to some things you said). If you are just at the beginning of casually dating then he may just be the type to contact you when he wants to get together. If you told him not to contact you then he probably won't contact you. If you are beginning to get more serious and are intimate with each other then I can understand your feelings. However, with that said, if you feel he is not treating you right then you must just move on and find someone who will. Someone can only treat us the way we allow them to.
Kamille Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Was this the first time you approached the issue of wanting a different kind of communication? If not, then you probably did the right thing by ending things. If it is the first time you approached the issue, then there is room for improvement in how you communicate your needs. Next time something like this happens, wait until the next time you see a date, and offer up a suggestion: "Hey, I would really like it if you would get in touch with me more often. It would mean the world to me." Men (or women) cannot meet their partner's needs if they have no idea what they are. If, once you've expressed the need, the behavior continues, then you can start feeling upset.
MarlyStar Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Yep, I think you came off as clingy, needy, insecure, and demanding. And too emotional (all that stuff about facing your feelings--not good). I had an online profile up. I emailed a guy; he seemed interesting. Next day he emailed back. I was about to respond, when he emailed "Did you get my email?" My thought was, I have to respond within hours? Sez who? I pulled back, wanting to think about how to respond, wanting to evaluate how interested I was, and how to respond to his pushiness and impatience. Two hours later he emailed again, "I guess you aren't interested, good luck to you, I'm off to dinner at Expensive Restaurant." Ummm...ok. Thanks for telling me how I feel. I didn't realize I needed it. And impatience and pushiness are so attractive in the dating world--not. And go ahead and go off in a snit name dropping the name of the Expensive Restaurant you are going to (by yourself). And I blocked him. Taking things slowly is a good thing, it reveals problems like this. Nobody wants to deal with someone else's pushiness and neediness. It's just too much trouble. No man is going to be able to fill up the empty places inside of you. You have to fill them up yourself, and then share what you have with someone else.
Cee Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Next time, I suggest you send a text along the lines of... "Hi. How's your week?" I think there's more to the story. Your gut is telling you something isn't right with him. Because he isn't eager to talk to you during the week. So I wouldn't worry that you blew things with him. It probably wasn't going to work out anyway. I'd forget about him and keep looking.
curlygirl40 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I got frustrated at his no-contact-unless-we-are-meeting-that-day kind of thing that's going on and i sent him a long msg telling him that i feel uncomfortable about this but don't bother to reply because msging is not what he intends to do with me. i think that if he's interested in me he would feel concerned about my feelings and thus he would try to make me feel more secure. But he didnt reply my message at all I'm a girl but yet would have to assume that men don't like it when a woman says 'don't bother responding', followed by a 'why didn't you respond?'. Not cool. He absolutely could have been concerned about your feelings, but now is just concerned that you're needy and that's not what he wants in a girl. You needing more contact is understandable, but yet I think there are better ways to go about it. Next time you decide to send a message like that, think about how you will feel if you don't get a response. Stew on it for a bit. Then realize how much better having that conversation in person will feel because you'll get an immediate response. Consider it a lesson learned and move on. If you do for some reason have another chance with him I would not mention this exchange at all. You'll just dig the hole deeper. My thought always is that it's best to keep my mouth shut (and my typing fingers busy) and wait to see what happens then to prod a guy and take a chance that maybe he's just busy and now me acting all girl like has ruined things. Eventually it all comes out and I'll know how he feels about me with his actions. I won't need to ask. Best of luck!
thatone Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Next time, I suggest you send a text along the lines of... "Hi. How's your week?" even less than that, imo. one word, "hey". how was your week sounds like something a wife says to her dead tired husband on a friday afternoon. one word introductions get the anticipation going. welcome to gender equality, ladies. you know those games men play to hook you into a conversation you otherwise would not have by starting off with something completely meaningless and gradually progressing from there? if you wanna do the same to men you have to play that game just as well.
zengirl Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I'm super confused by the response/no response thing. If you told him not to respond in the original message, why were you surprised when he didn't respond? At any rate, I imagine this is over, and it's probably for the best. Was this the first time you approached the issue of wanting a different kind of communication? If not, then you probably did the right thing by ending things. If it is the first time you approached the issue, then there is room for improvement in how you communicate your needs. Next time something like this happens, wait until the next time you see a date, and offer up a suggestion: "Hey, I would really like it if you would get in touch with me more often. It would mean the world to me." Men (or women) cannot meet their partner's needs if they have no idea what they are. If, once you've expressed the need, the behavior continues, then you can start feeling upset. I agree with this. If this is a guy who cannot meet your needs (and I think wanting more communication is a reasonable need, as long as it's not like you want texts at the top of the hour or get upset every time there's a delay in communication that is "normal" -- i.e. could be caused by work, etc), then it's better it's over. However, communicating via message like that doesn't really leave room for any improvement. It's more just angry. And that's not productive. Also, people need time and space to meet your needs. It's not going to turn around in a few hours.
Art_Critic Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 If you feel uncomfortable with a dating situation then you should listen to yourself and bail, you certainly shouldn't force yourself to go out with a guy that you feel uncomfortable about meeting or communicating with
Kamille Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 even less than that, imo. one word, "hey". how was your week sounds like something a wife says to her dead tired husband on a friday afternoon. one word introductions get the anticipation going. I hate "hey" texts (but then I'm guessing I'm at least 10 years older than you). It's so passive! What is someone supposed to respond to hey? "Hey back at you?". Nope, I like the "how was your week idea?". It shows you care, and more importantly, it shows that one wants to engage in a conversation. Alternatively, I've done the texts where I'll bring in something we discussed during our dates. "Wanted to let you know: you were right! VW bugs are everywhere! So gonna beat your ass at punch buggy next time we meet!" The problem with dating is that people are way too skittish about showing healthy interest too early on.
thatone Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 (edited) I hate "hey" texts (but then I'm guessing I'm at least 10 years older than you). It's so passive! What is someone supposed to respond to hey? "Hey back at you?". Nope, I like the "how was your week idea?". It shows you care, and more importantly, it shows that one wants to engage in a conversation. Alternatively, I've done the texts where I'll bring in something we discussed during our dates. "Wanted to let you know: you were right! VW bugs are everywhere! So gonna beat your ass at punch buggy next time we meet!" The problem with dating is that people are way too skittish about showing healthy interest too early on. i think you misunderstood the point i was trying to make. i'm sure you do dislike 'hey' texts. but trust me, we men don't dislike them nearly as much as a text conversation that starts with "we need to talk" or "i feel uncomfortable about this" or something similar. plus there's a little element of surprise in it. if you want to corner a man into having one of those conversations over text or IMs or whatever, "hey" is a much better bet to start with than those other things. Edited April 16, 2011 by thatone
Kamille Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 i think you misunderstood the point i was trying to make. i'm sure you do dislike 'hey' texts. but trust me, we men don't dislike them nearly as much as a text conversation that starts with "we need to talk" or "i feel uncomfortable about this" or something similar. if you want to corner a man into having one of those conversations over text or IMs or whatever, "hey" is a much better bet to start with than those other things. True. In this case, "hey" would have been better. I had misunderstood. I would never dream of having a talk through text. Text is for the fun easy stuff.
dispatch3d Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 He probably wants to avoid this crap, and that's why he doesn't like talking inbetween . I think you went insecure on him there. I wouldn't be surprised if he just didn't bother checking his facebook for a couple days.
Author leysayin Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Hey guys, I really appreciate your replies. Btw it was phone msging not Fb msging. When I had the msg all typed out, I knew deep down that I should wait for one more day to our agreed Saturday date but I just wanted to test one's limit and give it a go. I've been behaving like this all the time and am too stubborn to change. It's frustrating I know! So I simply did something which I knew I shouldn't do but did it still just because I wanted to test the water. So since I told him to enjoy dating, I guess it means he will be dating other girls in no time? It was his birthday few days ago and I gave him this handmade card. Yes it's too early to give him things but I didn't want to be too reserved since it's his birthday and if he will be happy receiving a gift then why not do it. He told me he found it sweet and thanked me for it. I am now hoping that this diy card can help salvage the situation. Idk. Issit possible?
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