Exit Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I keep breaking NC, she keeps leading me on, around and around. When we broke up we said it wasn't goodbye forever, that we would both like to meet some day soon to catch up over dinner or something, and that our plans for the future were still possible, not completely dead yet. But hearing that stuff just keeps me waiting. Today I talked to her and asked if I could see her after work just to talk about something that happened to me today. She said she had to run a few errands and would try to call me at some point. Of course, no call, no text explaining why, just silence. I know I'm just as guilty for doing it to myself as she is for doing it to me. I spent a little bit of time online tonight researching "how to let go". Gotta stop being over dramatic, stop romanticizing her and everything about the relationship, and worry about myself more. I blocked the websites of hers that I kept looking at. Not that hard to undo the block if I'm desperate, but hopefully just that extra step will be enough to reinforce my will power during weak moments. Took her off AIM, filtered her email address so it will go into a folder that I can't see under my regular inbox, and I'm gonna try try try to let this go. It should be simple, this clearly isn't the love of my life, the love of my life wouldn't treat me this way. Even if we're in the middle of a rough patch, I want someone who would call me back to find out what happened to me today. For all she knows something terrible could have happened to me and she doesn't even care enough to call back. Wish me luck, I gotta be done, at least maintain it for a few days until I'm over her. (Yes, I plan to make it a quick process this time, wasted too much time missing other people).
Fufu Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 You broke nc because you led yourself on. I broke nc in the past because I felt that my ex still wanted to meet me and I thought there was chance but ended up I was the one fooling myself. I'm happy to hear you are taking steps to sustain your nc, you don't have to find out about her anymore, what she thinks and does. Focus on yourself, your feelings and what you are going to do from now on.
smudge21 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I believe most people break NC at some point and we definitely all get tempted to contact our ex's as the feelings are still there and if anything, that feeling of wanting them is even stronger when they're not around. Don't beat yourself up over it just concentrate, like I do, on how you feel after you've broke NC or do some searching for info about her - you feel terrible right? Same as me. I try my best to remember that whatever I find out about her always ends up hurting me. I focus on that pain and everytime I'm tempted to do something, I recall how I'm going to feel afterwards. Do what I'm doing (after doing some stupid Googling and finding out she's getting married), each time that temptation comes on to break NC do something completely opposite like call a friend or go for a run, lift weights, have a drink (not alcohol), play some Xbox.. just start focusing your brain to link those feelings of loss with happier feelings, not related to her in any way. It's not easy but eventually it will get better. Good luck.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 You can do it. The things you have done in the last day are very positive. If you don't go NC you will continue on the merry go round of endless pain and wondering. We all want to think that our ex's will realize what they lost, come running back, miss us so much, but as you can see, from posts on this board that is not what usually happens. What usually happens is exactly what you are going through. And you are right, the person that is for you would not put you through this. Keep saying that to yourself, over and over again!! Good luck!!!
radiodarcy Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 (edited) I believe most people break NC at some point and we definitely all get tempted to contact our ex's as the feelings are still there and if anything, that feeling of wanting them is even stronger when they're not around. Don't beat yourself up over it just concentrate, like I do, on how you feel after you've broke NC or do some searching for info about her - you feel terrible right? Same as me. I try my best to remember that whatever I find out about her always ends up hurting me. I focus on that pain and everytime I'm tempted to do something, I recall how I'm going to feel afterwards. Do what I'm doing (after doing some stupid Googling and finding out she's getting married), each time that temptation comes on to break NC do something completely opposite like call a friend or go for a run, lift weights, have a drink (not alcohol), play some Xbox.. just start focusing your brain to link those feelings of loss with happier feelings, not related to her in any way. It's not easy but eventually it will get better. Good luck. i completely agree with smudge21. i made the mistake of logging into the IM account he and i once chatted on a few weeks ago. and when i did he had a status up there that said "eating chicken wings. cannot talk. too much goodness right now". pretty harmless but right away the wheels started turning and i found myself wondering: where'd he get those wings from? did a girl make them for him? is he posting that on his status so she knows he's eating them and how much he enjoys them? i was like a dog chasing his tail. driving myself crazy about all the possibilities of who that status was meant for and why. i even tried looking at his IM profile. luckily it wasnt available. i briefly considered looking at his fb. but decided against it as i knew viewing it would feel like being hit by a sledgehammer - - just like it did the last time i looked at it six months ago . i logged off soon after that and haven't logged back in since. i still get the urge to contact him from time to time. but i stop myself - - if i cant even handle reading about what he ate for lunch there is no way i can handle even the slightest contact now. believe me i know how hard it is to refrain from contacting someone. i lost 50lbs and even that was easier than NC. with my weight loss program i could still indulge in a treat now and then and not feel guilty as i knew i could work it off at the gym. whereas if i break NC no amount of exercise in the world is going to take away the pain. and i wind up right back where i started. Edited April 18, 2011 by radiodarcy
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