The boy I wanted to marry cheated on me with multiple girls

[Dankaroo]

We had been dating for 12 months when i read his chat logs and found out he had slept with someone i knew and almost had sex with one of my friends 4 months earlier while i was sick with glandular fever in hospital .

He was extremely sorry and said he would make it up to me so i took him back.

 

When he had gone to work i read his logs again without telling him and found out the most heartbreaking news, he had slept with my best friend about a week after the first girl he slept with.

He had lied to me again, I broke it off immediately and didnt talk to him for a month, he later then admitted to sleeping with her again once we had broken up the first time and cuddling with whoever he'd have over/hold hands in bed etc.

He is the one for me, i feel though, but he has more to learn. I just cant trust him though. Im with him again now, its been 4 months..

 

He is deeply sorry for his acts and tells me he hates himself for what he did.

He knows there is no excuse for what he did and he tried to make it up to me as best as he can.

But i still feel so hurt from past trauma and what he caused me, my eating disorder worsened from this but i love him too much to leave him, let alone be away from him without getting huge bouts of jealousy and wild assumptive thoughts.

How can i trust him? I keep doubting myself and how long i can be strong for. I keep thinking of going on a break but that could make things worse. Im so confused

[somedude81]

"but he has more to learn"

 

Don't you mean, "but I have more to learn?"

 

He's slept with two of your friends. Sounds like a great guy.

[hoping2heal]

Dankaroo, this is an extremely sad situation, especially for you. I feel true sympathy for you that you think what you have with this man is love, and secondly that you are tolerating it. I am going to call you the girl who cried bad chicken. There was once a woman who went to the market hoping to fetch some chicken for her soup. She came home and found the chicken had mold and decided to make the soup with the chicken anyway, she got ill. She was upset so she went back to the market for more chicken and this time she could see all of the chickens were moldy and spoiled. Knowing this full well she purchased the chicken and brought it home to make another batch of soup. Once again, she got very ill. She became angry and called up the store clerk to complain but he reminded her that she saw the mold for herself and knew full well the chicken was spoiled when she decided to pay for it anyway.

 

You are like that girl, you got exactly what you paid for. He was unfaithful and you caught him, and he was unfaithful repeated times after that yet you continued to date him. Now, you will never be able to trust him. He is not a trustworthy person so that is not going to happen. You can keep buying the spoiled chicken and making batch after batch of soup, but it is still going to be tainted. It is not like he is going to cheat until he has slept with twenty women and suddenly decide he is done now.

 

You have an eating disorder which means you already are very used to bad feelings. Is it possible that is why you have chosen such horrible people to trust..not only is your boyfriend a scum bum who exploited your trust in him, but the person you consider your best friend has done the very same to you.

 

This is an extremely dysfunctional situation and it is sad to me you want to stay in it. I do not know what happened to you in your life, but I know it must have been pretty terrible if it spawned an eating disorder for you and also made you feel so worthless and low that you have awful people for friends and a boyfriend.

 

You really deserve so much better in your life.

[Professor X]

+1 hoping2heal

 

I don't see how can you think that he actually loves you.

You don't love yourself and you don't even respect yourself, why should he?

 

Are you following the news from time to time? Have you ever seen the stories about those women who are with men who physically violent them? Those who beat the living crap out of them, yet they stick by his side out of nothing but fear.

Yeah, well, you're one of them.

You are with a guy who treats you like crap and you stick to him.

I nor anyone else here can really tell you who to be, but if this is who you choose to be, than don't be surprised you'll get hurt each time.

 

How can i trust him? I keep doubting myself and how long i can be strong for

I'm sorry, but you can't trust him nor are you strong. You are confusing strength for weakness. You are an extremely weak person for staying with him.

Like I've said earlier, you better start caring for yourself (love & respect) and dump him and find a man who will respect you.

Same goes to your "friends".

If you cannot take care of yourself, no-one will.

[Professor X]

I know I am a bit harsh, but I wanted to clarify: You are weak right now, in your current stat (and not due to what happened), BUT you can change it, you can get stronger and the first step is to tell him bye, your next step is to tell your "friends" bye.

In other words, take care of "Dankaroo" first.

[DollyGirl12]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have to agree with all the posters above. You need to make sure to stay GONE from him. How sorry was he before he got caught the first time? How about the second time? This is who he is and this is what you will have to deal with constantly if you are with him. You can read some of my posts as I was also involved with a cheater(although mine had a different "style"). My only option was to leave and not look back. It doesn't matter, that is who he is. He has shown you who he is.

YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Should you stay with him you will never be able to trust him. What kind of relationship is it when you feel that you constantly have to check up on someone, or go through anxiety because you don't know where they are, why they're not answering their phone, what they are doing behind your back. Trust me, you will feel this should you stay.

Something I think about frequently, again, can't remember where I heard it:

"Your CHARACTER is what you do when you think no one is watching!!!"