kirtrina19 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I'm 19 and my ex boyfriend is 29 and we have been together for a year. In the beginning of the relationship he wanted me to meet his mom and he said he can see himself being with me forever. He was my first, and he told me he loved me even more because of that. He said he got cheated on before by his ex and he didn't want to get hurt. I met his mom, friends, and family and vice versa. He has a daughter also but she lives with her mother in another state. his best friend is married and he always tells me that my ex is really in love with me because i'm different. We were so much in love with each other. I trusted him because his phone is never on vibrate he always answer in front of me and tells people he is with me or whatnot. In february of this year his lease on his apartment was over and he didn't have any money to rent an apartment so now he stays with his best friend. His car started to leak oil and now he goes to work with his best friend, sometimes they share cars. He always says only thing is on his mind is to get money nothing else. he says i'm 29 and i don't have a car or a place to stay. so last week he was supposed to come get me so we can go to the movies but he didnt have a car to get there and i got so upset because i missed him so much so i told him that we cant continue to be in a relationship if he wont make time for me. he said when the train comes i dont want to get left. I dont have a car how am i supposed to come down to your house?he said that we would see each other on sunday but i was so mad and i told him no. he didnt text me for two days straight then i texted him and he said i'm going out of town tomorrow to work and i'm over with this love thing..please stop texting me. My whole world came crashing down when i asked him why he said he needs to focus on getting a place and a car and he really don't have time to be talking to me and that he can't afford a relationship right now we have hope so we need to keep in touch. he doesn't have a stable job, he has his own mini business or whatnot and i know it requires time but why would he want to separate all because he wants to be focused? i ask him if it was another woman he said no. he still loves me but he has to focus. and that he needs a break. He texts me and ask how am i doing and he also told me to get a job and said he would be very happy if i did. i called him a week ago and he picked up on the first ring and it was like 11:15PM and he was on his way home from working and he says i know you're happy to hear my voice i'm happy to hear yours too..we talked for five minutes then he said he was going to call back and he did but not for very long. I asked him how come he doesnt miss me and he said I have to do what i have to do..I need to get myself together. I miss him so much...what do you think i should do?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I can certainly see that you're not in the most healthy place in your mind right now. It is so difficult for a younger woman to be able to step back away from the emotion and the feelings, and consider that even though SHE has every right to feel wonderful about the attention from a much older guy... the guys who send their attention to much-younger girls are generally lacking something which is usually pretty important. When you are 29 (or 28) and see your male peers talking about dating someone who is 19 (or 18)... you will think that it SAYS a lot more about that male than you thought you knew. Such pairings usually make the guy look and seem much less than ideal, but few people stop to admit that the girl getting such genuine-seeming attention should be expected to be totally smitten (and that she isn't in any way 'less' of a girl/woman for feeling good when getting the attention, even if from an older underachiever guy). I don't really know the words to convince you NOW/yet that this guy isn't good enough for you. Time spent with him is taking you away from various avenues via which you might meet someone more worthy of your company.
creighton0123 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 "In the beginning of the relationship he wanted me to meet his mom and he said he can see himself being with me forever." If you experience this in the beginning of a relationship, it's usually high time to pack your bags and run for the hills. Move on. Hurt and cry for a little bit, and then date someone in your own age bracket/stage in their lives. This is not meant to be insulting - it is exactly where I was 8 years ago - but if you're not in a place where you are fine with a cancelled date or meeting, are you really ready for the personality conflicts that often occur in long term relationships? If your boyfriend (of all people) calls and says "I can't make it", you shouldn't get so upset. You should both be in a relationship because you want to be, not because you need to be.
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