caring guy Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Hi I'm so confused as to what to do, how to go about things as i think i know how she feels but it could change! I am male. I split with my ex in November, my ex's best friend ( a guy) split with his ex at same time as we split! Since Xmas, I & my partners friends ex have kept in touch as we know each other & have bitched & shared certain issues that happened in our splits! I've been out for drinks with her at her area & she has been out for drinks with me at my area. Both times we played the 'we're together' joke, but i so wish we were!! I daren't tell her!!, but i think she knows! On the night she spent here, we went to local pub, we;ve always slept side by side in each others bed, but on a night here after drinks, we touched each other to orgasm & kissed, i so want it again & yet whenever i bring it up, she flattens it all down!! I fancy her so much & since i have helped her out of her flat, been there for her, but doing it as a friend when all i want to do is kiss her!! I think she knows this but its something i feel will piss her off if i bring up again!! I know she feels it as a mistake, rouine friends etc, but each time i'm with her i want to kiss her or just hold her & hope she feels the same! I don't want to keep bringing it up as it'll piss her off, but i don't want to lose her as a friend, but then again, i want what happened to happen again!, its like i want her as a friend, but as we get on so well i want her as a lover too!! It's always the case for me that the person you find attractive, is someone you empathize with, share issues & say to each other what we wanted our ex's to say, but for some reason they don't feel the same!! Help appreciated!! cg
Author caring guy Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 Have i posted this in wrong area of forum??
carhill Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Tangential question: Is this woman an 'improvement' over the one shared in this thread? IME, for most women, men who they've had contact with through their relationships, in this case you being the partner of her ex'es best friend, pretty much seals you as a non-LTR person. They might garner some sex and attention as they desire, but you're not boyfriend/husband material. This presumes that she knew you well while you were in a LTR with her ex'es best friend. As with the last thread, being mindful of boundaries is the healthy path. If she wanted to be with you as a lover, she wouldn't 'flatten it down', rather she'd flatten you down and ride you like Secretariat. Women don't back up on sex if they are attracted to and/or love a guy. Healthy women, I mean
Author caring guy Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 Is this woman an improvement on her!! Absolutely! I can see now with hindsight that that girl had so many issues & i think i was just available at the right time to give her a temp fix! This girl i know more about, spent lots of time platonically, just been friends as i helped her out with moving house & we both enjoy similar social outings! She was right after we were intimate that maybe it shouldn't have happened & can spoil things as there would be that tension or desire to do it again, as there is from me as i recall it with fondness! She split with my ex's friend last year before i split with my ex & now she talks to me about missing sex, intimacy & yet we did & i kinda offer it on a plate.. I guess that explains it in a way that i don't see her as maybe LTR material, but maybe someone to share fun with & have a laugh as we've been there for each other a lot.
carhill Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Fun is healthy. I hope you have a lot of fun and good times. Here's the boundary. As a 'caring guy', remember what you just said - 'that explains it in a way that i don't see her as maybe LTR material', and invest your emotions of 'caring' appropriately. This is what some people call compartmentalization, in this case, of emotion. Separate the 'now and forever' desire and caring from the enjoyment of the moment. Put the former away, for that is for the woman you have a LTR with or marry. Accept that you *can* feel that way, and will with a compatible woman, but this woman is not compatible. Hearing her words and accepting them will facilitate this, especially the acceptance part.
Author caring guy Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Hi I know what you mean & yes, being a caring guy has its pitfalls as it's not always an attractive proposition! I have helped her out a lot with an emotional time moving out of her flat back to her family home which she dreaded as she feels trapped there & has spent up to an hour & half on the phone being lonely & upset & i've been there for her that way, hence me caring & her i think seeing me as too available & very good friendship material, but that's that! Since our moment of intimacy, the whole idea of anything happening has gone out of the window as she purposefully refers to me as 'mate' or 'pal' & even says how good looking a certain guy is or even mentions fancying someone. So i guess she was right about the intimacy spoiling things! It's very hard to go back after that. cg
Feelin Frisky Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 CG, would you consider yourself "in love" with her? If so it's OK to tell her. That's what the term "in love" is for. You can bring her this fact and let her mull it over as to what she wants to do about it. How she handles that will tell you who she really is. If you just keep acting as if you want her it's a thing that she can perceive as it being "all about you" and she may just want to resist and not deal with it. If you're not willing to go that far than it probably is just about you and what you want and not what she wants of feels. I hope that makes some kind of sense. Good luck.
mikkyedward82 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 brother I am male. I split with my ex in November, my ex's best friend ( a guy) split with his ex at same time as we split! Since Xmas, I & my partners friends ex have kept in touch as we know each other & have bitched & shared certain issues that happened in our splits!
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