nelib Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I am in some serious need of good advice. I recently started seeing a co-worker at the hospital. We both work at the hospital together (doctors in training..but he is at the end of his training). I have never dated someone at work, school...etc. No one in the hospital knows we were seeing each other. He is doing his last year of training at my hospital. We have known each other for about 5 months but nothing developed until recently. From the first moment we saw each other, I knew there was an instant connection. He would go out of his way to make fun of me, criticize me at work...basically school boy who throws rocks at girls he likes. After months of this weird chemistry between us, we finally started seeing each other in a romantic way. The chemistry and passion between us is without parallel. I didn't see that coming at all. We care very deeply for each other. To make a long story short, we dated for about two weeks and things took off very very fast....if you know what I mean. He came on very strong and we basically saw each other every day for two weeks. He is not experienced in the relationship department. He is clingy, jealous and possessive. I also feel like he has some serious self-esteem/insecurity issues stemming from childhood (don't we all?). He reminds me that I am out of his league in the looks department. We get into heated arguments. He is difficult and stubborn. But regardless of all the issues, I think I am completely in love with him or some serious hard infatuation. But then it out of no where it suddenly came to an abrupt end. He ended things with me because he is going to be relocating to a new state in 7 mos. And in his words there is no future for us because he refuses to do a long distance relationship. I have to be in the current area for another 1.5 years after he leaves and then I will probably relocate to his area to continue my training. My plan was already set in place before he and I started dating and would not affect me career wise. I was so hurt when he ended things. He was very reluctant to tell me and quickly tried to put a bandaid over it. He told me he needed time to think things over and that we would talk soon. That was 5 days ago and I have not heard from him. I have avoided seeing him in the hospital but will have to see him in the future eventually (and it will likely be in a supervisor role to me..ugh!). I am completely devastated. I want to call him but my friends keep telling me to not call him. I think he is afraid of falling in love with me and then feeling regret when he leaves to another state. But I suggested us seeing each other for the 7 mos that he is here and then decide later what to do. I have been in a few long distance relationships and understand that they are not easy. But I think that it is too soon to know what is going to happen. I wish I felt half of what i feel for him for the other amazing guys who are vying for my attention...but I don't. What should I do?
xpaperxcutx Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 He came on very strong and we basically saw each other every day for two weeks. He is not experienced in the relationship department. He is clingy, jealous and possessive. I also feel like he has some serious self-esteem/insecurity issues stemming from childhood (don't we all?). He reminds me that I am out of his league in the looks department. He ended things with me because he is going to be relocating to a new state in 7 mos. And in his words there is no future for us because he refuses to do a long distance relationship Compare the two quoted paragraphs. He is a walking contradiction. Men like him are not ready to be in a relationship because they're narcissistic and completely self-asorbed to bother with others feelings. Do you actually want to be with someone who can manipulate your relationship like a rollercoaster ride?
Author nelib Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 I know...you're absolutely right. He makes statements like "I am crazy about you...I'm falling for you....when we get married" and then it's like "we have no future...things are going to end badly for us" For some unknown reason, I can't get him off my mind. And I am not one of these people who like being abused and mistreated...attracted to the jerks. I had no idea that he would have this effect on me. I am acting completely out of character with this guy. I wish things would have worked out with him. But it won't and I have to accept that....and move on. Thanks for pointing out the obvious.
amiracle Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 For some unknown reason, I can't get him off my mind. And I am not one of these people who like being abused and mistreated...attracted to the jerks. I had no idea that he would have this effect on me. I am acting completely out of character with this guy. You are responding to your brain chemistry having been altered by the 'love hormones'. I am sure you can recognize this! It is a perfectly normal response! Don't give yourself a hard time because of it, you are human! I can relate to your experience and feelings. Having worked in the same circumstances as yourself I have seen this happen thousands of times by now. You are experiencing a typical 'medical' romance. lol Both of you are working hard, deprived of sleep and hardly getting any time off. Lots of stress. There is no time to process life experiences normally. Result: no maturing happens on the emotional level, especially for the men. I am in my forties now, but I can tell you that even in this age group and beyond you will find men who behave with extreme immaturity when it comes to relationship issues. Most will have learned something over the years, but some haven't. Please don't think you should be above this. Your behavior is normal, based on the hormones which are part of a normal human response! You are both overworked, most likely and have no time to process. You are swamped with powerful hormones which should make you mate (medically you know this). Sex is only part of it though and now you are suffering from the intensity of the experience. Try to use your medical mind to get a bit of understanding for yourself. You can't change his response, but you can get more relaxed about your own response in time. He will need time to process this. I would just let him be for a while and take time for myself. Your best chance is to present as a happy, relaxed person when around him, just fake it until you feel a bit better. From my own, vast experience with this situation I can only tell you that being happy and relaxed is the way to go. It will attract him. In time he should be less freaked out about his emotional responses and you can communicate again. I know exactly how it feels, but it can get much better in time. Don't give up on him yet!
Nexus One Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I know...you're absolutely right. He makes statements like "I am crazy about you...I'm falling for you....when we get married" and then it's like "we have no future...things are going to end badly for us" For some unknown reason, I can't get him off my mind. And I am not one of these people who like being abused and mistreated...attracted to the jerks. I had no idea that he would have this effect on me. I am acting completely out of character with this guy. I wish things would have worked out with him. But it won't and I have to accept that....and move on. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. The first phase of a relationship is called 'limerance'. It's when the love chemicals are rushing through your body and masking out your lover's faults in order to maximize the chance for impregnation. This period generally lasts 2 or 3 years before the chemicals stop working or lose their effect. That could be a possible explanation for your out-of-character behavior in regard to your guy.
Cee Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Forget him. It was an intense two week love affair. I understand that the abrupt end has created a sense of incompleteness in you. There is no satisfying end at all. The guy is a total jerk. Dumping you because he's leaving residency in 7 months is a total cop out. He can't handle a real relationship so he comes up with with flimsy excuses. You deserve better. This guy is a total waste of your time and energy. I understand it hurts, but there are many more men worth your time. Go find them.
Author nelib Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 I am a beautiful intelligent accomplished young doctor with no kids....I have many options ...but I find myself uncontrollably attracted to this skinny, ugly, ill tempered trailor park trash prick. GOD....I miss him so much it hurts.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I am a beautiful intelligent accomplished young doctor with no kids....I have many options ...but I find myself uncontrollably attracted to this skinny, ugly, ill tempered trailor park trash prick. GOD....I miss him so much it hurts. It happens to the best of us. We're always attracted to those who are wrong for us, but we can't help it because infatuation always wins over logic. You're a doctor and went to 8 years of medical school to get to where you are. If you have to think about the long terms of things, a successful career always trumps over a skinny, ugly and ill-tempered trailer trash. And McDreamy is so 4 years ago... have you seen Dr. Rey in Dr 90210? Hotter!
Nexus One Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 (edited) I am a beautiful intelligent accomplished young doctor with no kids....I have many options ...but I find myself uncontrollably attracted to this skinny, ugly, ill tempered trailor park trash prick. GOD....I miss him so much it hurts. A trailer park trash doctor that is going to supervise other doctors. What could possibly go wrong? Edited April 16, 2011 by Nexus One
Author nelib Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 I have no idea why I put myself through this over and over again. I should know better by now. I hate long distance and I have had just the worst luck when it comes to falling in love with some guy who is leaving or I am leaving.
Nexus One Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I have no idea why I put myself through this over and over again. I should know better by now. I hate long distance and I have had just the worst luck when it comes to falling in love with some guy who is leaving or I am leaving. It's kind of ironic that you'll work your entire life to fix the hurt of other people, yet when it comes to love, you stand powerless in helping yourself. Heads up though, hospitals are such busy places, you meet new people almost on a daily basis, so I'm sure it'll work out for you.
Author nelib Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 I am posting to report what has happened since I posted on this website looking for advice. I actually did some soul searching and it turns out that I am attracted to emotionally unavailable men...furthermore, I had a very bad relationship with my father as a child who was very abusive to me and my family and it seems like I tend to chase after relationships that present a challenge and to men who display erratic behavior...maybe because that's what I am accustomed to in a man and it seems normal to me. Well, I am a pretty smart cookie and to continue to make the same mistakes and get involved with the wrong guy over and over again...is frankly insane. I deserve to be respected and loved. I decided to once and for all...put an end to this destructive behavior. I have ended all communication with this manipulative creep. I am giving another guy ....who i overlooked because he was kind and boring and treated me really well (normal nice guy) a chance...and I am happy to report that I think I made the right decision and I am excited about the prospects. I am too old to be working against my own happiness. Thanks for the advice
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